


The Other Side Of Normal

by TGPretender (TGP)



Series: The Other Side [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aggressive!Lupin, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Breakup, Durmstrang, F/M, Kidfic, Lucius is a bro, M/M, Molly is the best mom ever, Nope Lucius is a dick, Original Character(s), Pack Dynamics, Pack Feels, Sexual Content, Snape's life sucks, Violence, Werewolf!Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-22
Updated: 2011-01-22
Packaged: 2017-10-14 23:27:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 46,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TGP/pseuds/TGPretender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His promise to Lily was solid. Severus Snape would raise Harry Potter, but could he truly balance fatherhood, Remus, and these uneasy times?</p><p>Sequel to Other Side of the Mirror.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tell Me A Story

The adoption was finalized on June 4th, 1982. Severus Snape dressed for the occasion in a simple muggle suit of black and gray with a red tie that his lover Remus Lupin insisted upon. Dumbledore accompanied him to pick his newly legally adopted son, much to Severus's discomfort.

Lily Potter's sister Petunia Dursley was as unpleasant as Severus remembered. She scrunched up her nose when she saw him but looked quite determined to get rid of the nearly two year old nuisance she'd been left with almost a year ago. Severus spoke with her very little. Her gargantuan husband stood behind her with a fat, unruly toddler in his arms who screamed bloody murder about losing his pacifier.

As soon as the last bits of paper work had been signed and sent off magically, Petunia brought out the child. Harry Potter, as the child had been called before all the litigating began, was a tiny boy of twenty-three months who could walk quite well and, as Petunia scoffed, only knew a few words. Severus didn't blame him that, really. Harry had a full head of messy black hair that stood up quite on its own and huge green eyes that made Severus' heart ache. He was dressed in clothing that seemed a size too big, but considering the size of the boy's cousin, this didn't surprise Severus.

Harry stayed very quiet as Severus gathered what little Petunia and her fat husband would part with for him, stuffed it into a bag, and then shrunk it to place in his pocket. The toddler watched, openly fascinated by the magic working, but kept shooting looks at his huge uncle -what _was_ the man's name again...? Severus didn't really care enough to remember – as if to see whether it was permissible to be so awed. Petunia's husband's face grew redder with every bit of magic performed and Severus couldn't help adding a flare to the shrinking just to make him even redder.

Finally, Severus was left staring down at the little boy and wondering if he was allowed to carry him. Harry stared back at him, curious and far too cautious at such a young age. As the seconds ticked on with Dumbledore and the Dursleys watching, Severus sighed a bit and knelt down. Harry took a step back, swaying with the balance shift, and gave Severus the most perplexed look.

“Harry, it's time to go,” he murmured, trying to keep his voice as quiet and soft as he could. Harry just stared at him and looked towards his uncle, who scowled. “I'm going to pick you up now.”

When Severus reached out to lift Harry up, the boy jerked back and lost balance, landing on his backside with a grunt. He blinked a little and then his face reddened as he geared up to cry. Severus heard Petunia mutter something about 'not this rubbish again,' but ignored it. Instead, he picked Harry up and brought him to rest against his chest as he stood. The toddler hiccuped a bit and when Severus looked him in the face again, Harry simply looked confused. Still red faced and a little snotty, but mostly confused. His tiny hands rested against Severus' collar.

“Go?” he murmured curiously. His voice was quiet and high pitched with the faintest drop in his vowel. Severus nodded.

“Yes. We're going now.”

Harry stared at him a little and then looked at his uncle before shying back to face his less frightening aunt. As Severus turned to walk back through the door, he saw Harry wave one hand a little before deciding to pick at the embroidery on Severus' shoulder. Dumbledore followed them with an infernally amused look on his face.

However, as soon as they got half way down the drive, Harry seemed to realize what was going on and began to panic. He cried out and pushed at Severus' chest, wiggling almost enough to get himself dropped. Severus tightened his hold as he could but Harry continued to struggle and he was forced to set the child down, lest he actually drop him. Harry immediately ran back towards the door sobbing. He fell twice along the way and likely scraped a knee through his overalls. Petunia's obese husband met him at the door.

“ _Oh no you don't!_ ” he growled out and Harry retreated a step as tears raced down his cheeks. “I'm finally rid of you. Don't think _you're_ welcome back in here. Go with _that_ man. He's taking care of you now, boy.”

Harry, somewhat predictably, started throwing a fit. Glancing helplessly towards Dumbledore, who was trying very hard _not_ to laugh, Severus realized there was no help coming. He sighed and went to retrieve the child before Dursley decided to get physical. And by the purpling look to his skin, he doubted he was far from it. Severus scooped Harry up and managed to get a better hold on the struggling child this time. The two wizards left and the Dursleys were happy to be rid of them so they could go back to their perfectly ordinary existence with their perfectly ordinary fat son.

Severus thanked every deity in the cosmos that Remus was not at Spinner's End when he got there. The house had been left to him when his father Tobias died and, since he had no reason to move, Severus had decided to live there for at least this summer. The house was certainly large enough for two men and one child. There were bedrooms enough for all of them and he and Remus had spent a good two weeks childproofing it as best they could. Remus had even brought in Molly Weasley. Her solution, of course, was to send her six hellion boys roaming through the house until they'd found every sharp edge and danger they could possibly hurt themselves with. Severus was only half sure he'd gotten rid of the Weasley aura.

Depositing the still screaming, wiggling child in the middle of the living room, Severus dragged off his jacket and fell into his armchair by the currently unlit – and spell shielded – fireplace. Harry stood where he'd been put, stamping his foot and yelling unintelligible gibberish that Severus didn't have the slightest idea how to interpret in the least.

Dear Merlin, how did he _ever_ think he was ready for this?

Nearly twenty minutes later, Harry finally managed to scream himself hoarse and tire himself out. He sat down on his bottom, pouting mightily at the fact that his demands had not been properly accorded to. Severus just stared at him and Harry stared right back with belligerence. Surely James Potter's arrogant regard for himself wasn't hereditary? Severus sighed and rubbed his temples. Not even an hour into fatherhood and he was already regretting it.

“Are you hungry?” he asked. The child blinked at him with wide eyes. Severus frowned. Petunia had said Harry knew a few words but surely children this age could understand simple concepts such as _hunger_. He tried it again and felt very silly when he tried to express with his hands as well. “Do you want to eat?”

Harry's pouted lip drew out further as his brows furrowed. Merlin's beard, was he _that_ far behind? Or perhaps his assumptions were wrong? He'd read the relevant literature Molly had suggested about children and fatherhood. He'd memorized the chapters on two year old development. The child _should_ be able to understand by now. Unless he was mentally- No. He doubted Lily could ever produce a... _challenged_ child. And Harry seemed to be keeping up with things just fine.

He was just being combative, Severus decided. He didn't blame him, much, but it _was_ bloody annoying.

Giving up trying to get through to the toddler just now, He shifted to get more comfortable in his chair and picked up the novel he'd left beside it the other night. He opened it and began to read but barely noticed what the words really were. Instead, his attention was almost completely centered on listening to Harry fidget on the floor.

The toddler rocked slowly, hands resting in his lap as he stared at Severus or looked around the living room at this or that. He dragged himself unsteadily to his feet and toddled around. Severus watched him over the edge of his book. He doubted there was anything Harry could hurt himself on, but Molly's children had been rather ingenious in the regard and the stories she told him had made him wonder if he should have taken advanced mediwitch training before even considering taking charge of a child.

Harry reached up on one of the bookshelves and began dragging books from it only to drop them onto the floor. Perplexed, Severus set down his book and watched openly. The boy emptied a full shelf of books before he flopped back onto his butt and began to stack them up carefully, one by one. He paused with each one and steadied it, shifting the book this way or that to get it just how he wanted before going on to the next. The look on his face was of such pure determination and seriousness that Severus felt his lip quirk.

Harry demolished his stack and started over a few times before he grew bored with that. Then he toddled right up to Severus' chair and looked at him. Severus stared back, wondering faintly if this meant the child had decided not to be angry and petulant towards him for now.

“Me?” Harry asked as he tugged at Severus' pant leg just above the knee. Severus just watched him and wondered what the bloody hell he meant.

“Em...”

Harry pouted and tugged him again. “Me?”

When he started to climb up, Severus started to figure out what he wanted and helped the child up into his lap. Harry ended up half kneeing on one leg, holding his sleeve tightly for balance. He leaned in close and touched his face here and there, seemingly getting familiar with it. He paid special attention to Severus' large nose and arched brows. Eventually, he settled back again, leaning into the chair arm.

“Sir,” Harry said quite clearly. Severus lifted a brow and Harry felt compelled to trace his fingers along it after.

“I'm Severus,” he replied. The close contact and unfamiliar weight against his knee were both uncomfortable. He'd not thought Harry would be this... touchy. Not right away.

“Sir,” Harry repeated and his face screwed up a bit with unhappiness. Severus sighed. Well, he supposed 'Sir' would work for now.

“All right.” He wasn't sure if Harry knew he'd decided to agree with him but the child seemed more content anyway. He'd stopped touching his face and was now tracing the slightly darker red designs of his tie.

Eventually, Severus got up, carrying Harry against his chest. The boy was startled at first and gave him a wide eyed look, but when nothing astronomical happened, he settled again and even held on. Severus had been intending to put him down once he'd straightened, but Harry's weight in his arms wasn't _too_ strange. He'd adapt.

Severus carried him into the kitchen, where he intended to make tea. For the most part, Harry was quiet, simply looking at this or that and whipping his head around with such speed that Severus was surprised it hadn't popped off by now.

“This?” Harry squeaked, pointing out one tiny hand. Severus followed the boy's direction to the potted herbs at his window sill.

“Plants,” he responded. Harry gave them a closer look and looked rather delighted that he'd been answered at all. After the first one, Harry went on a roll, pointing at virtually every object in the kitchen and demanding to know what everything was. Severus answered as best he could but was often side tracked as Harry lost interest and pointed at something else.

He eventually fed the child apple slices and then returned to the living room where Harry fell asleep against him. Severus stared down at the sleeping child, following a line a drool that was soaking a cool spot in his button up.

Was he ready for this? He doubted it, but Harry was there now and he really didn't have time to worry.


	2. Sing Me A Song

In the paperwork, the child Severus now cared for was Johnathan Harold Snape, son of Olivia Spatts and Severus Snape with full custody given to the father when the mother died. Olivia Spatts had never existed, but her death certificate and Johnathan Harold Snape's birth certificate were real enough to stand to magical scrutiny. Dumbledore had even arranged for a death announcement in a Surrey newspaper. Harold James Potter had been legally adopted to the muggle Harrison family of London, who also did not exist but somehow managed to pay their taxes every year. Severus didn't bother to ask Dumbledore why he'd had the cover ready in the first place.

Johnathan Harold Snape had no idea of the name change. He was simply Harry and Severus saw no reason to change that. Many people went by their middle name. He didn't think it would hurt anything and Harry was going through enough change already.

The toddler was very prone to tantrums. Severus no longer felt glad Remus was off on some task for Dumbledore. It was hard enough getting Harry to eat and sleep and not bash his head into the kitchen table legs – _four times in one hour!_ \- to also have to calm the boy alone without beating the screams out of him.

Severus was terrified of becoming his father and that terror grew stronger with every instance he found himself wanting to shut Harry up with his fist. Did normal fathers feel this? He doubted it and the fact that he did was even more frightening. He never _did_ , never even raised his fists, but he felt it. What if he messed up someday? What if he really _did_ strike the child as he'd suffered himself? The fear alone was enough to control his temper for the most part, but someday it might not be enough. Someday, he might slip and he'd never forgive himself.

It had only been three days. Severus thought he might break down at any moment. He wasn't cut out for this at all.

Harry wasn't a bad child. He was simple _two_ and after Severus fire-called Molly in near hysterics – not that she knew it – he found out that two was an extremely difficult age anyway. Lovely. He just couldn't let the Dursleys deal Harry until he could _talk_ , now could he?

When Harry wasn't crying, screaming, in need of a change, flailing, eating, trying to hurt himself, or conscious, he was rather pleasant. Molly had let him borrow some books and toys and Harry was content to play on his own to give Severus a faint respite. He was exhausted when he finally got Harry to bed at night in the bedroom next to his own. Would it always be this exhausting? Molly assured him that he'd get used to it. And at least he only had _one_. Severus decided he'd have shot himself in Molly's position. Repeatedly.

Day four, he fought with Harry to get him dressed because the boy wanted to put on a shirt and then pull it right off and get another and another and another. Severus finally smacked his bottom lightly when Harry refused to mind him and felt both guilt and annoyance as Harry howled. But at least he got the child _dressed_ and the screech wasn't _I'm-hurt_ as much as _I'm-really-pissed-at-you_. And Merlin, did the boy have strong lungs on him...! Harry perked up at breakfast well enough and by the time they got out the door, he wasn't even red anymore. Severus gave a soft sigh of relief.

They went to Diagon Alley. Harry sat on Severus' hip and pointed at just about everything, demanding to know, “ _This?_ ” Severus didn't mind too much. Frankly, he was happy enough Harry wasn't screaming to deal with his high pitched, mostly unintelligible chatter. Besides, Harry needed to build his vocabulary anyway and this was the best way for now. He doubted the Dursleys spoke much to the boy beyond yelling. He should have been speaking short sentences by now, not the barely twenty words he'd managed to pick up.

They got more than a few glances from ladies who didn't know who he was and thought the giggling boy was absolutely adorable – _if only they knew the truth!_ \- and fathers who were sympathetic and trailing their own spawn around.

Ulric's Baby Emporium scared the ever living shit out of him. It was filled to the brim with expecting mothers, small children, screaming, yelling, and overall chaos enough to shut even Harry up. His little hands clenched in Severus's robes.

“In and out,” Severus told him and Harry gave him a look like he didn't quite believe that.

The toddler ended up right. It took nearly two hours of dealing with overly helpful employees and cooing mothers to get everything the needed and shrink it down to take home. By then. Harry was tired and cranky, burying his face against Severus' neck anytime anyone came near them, which was constantly. He'd thrown a tantrum and tired himself out and it was time to go home, eat lunch, and lay him down for a nap.

When they finally escaped, Severus vowed to send Remus if a return trip was ever required.

Harry fell asleep as soon as he'd been fed and changed. Severus laid him in his room and pulled up the short railing on the side of his bed, placing a ripped up teddy bear inside. It was the only toy the Dursleys had admitted to being his, if only because they had no wish to keep it. Harry was particularly attached to it and drug the dirty thing all over the house with him. Severus had cast a mild cleansing charm on it during the one time he'd managed to get it out of Harry's hands, but still wished Harry had decided to attach himself to something else.

Severus stared down at the sleeping child. When he was calm and quiet, he didn't mind the trouble so much. He traced over the boy's chubby face with light fingertips and warmth flew through his chest when Harry turned his head into it and settled more deeply into sleep. He was exhausted and troubled and generally in a less than stellar mood... but that made it worth it.

And then Harry woke an hour or so later and the ruckus started up again. Severus chased the toddler about, figuring out through trial and error what he was allowed to participate in and when Harry wanted to do things himself. Harry could use a spoon with minimal mistakes and didn't need to be fed. He needed help with his clothes. He could wash his hands after meals by himself. He needed help with brushing his teeth. Sometime Severus messed up and that tended to earn him either a dirty look, pout, or tantrum. Most likely the last.

Remus returned on the evening of day six, just after Severus had gotten Harry to sleep. He came in quietly and when Severus heard the movement, he grabbed his wand and nearly killed him. Remus didn't mind too much. It had happened quite a bit after Severus gave Remus a key to the house and hadn't realized his senses were so used to the quiet that anything brought him into full battle readiness.

Ever since the botched attack on Harry's life, Severus had had trouble with certain things. He'd taken weeks to not jump when anyone touched him unexpectedly and not to draw his wand at any sudden sound or movement. It still troubled him, but it had only been a few months since the attack. Since Avery... since he _killed_ Avery.

As soon as he'd managed to calm his anxiety and Remus had peeked in on Harry, they filed into his own bedroom. It had been his parents' at one point, but he'd scoured the whole place when he got there, ridding himself of everything about them except for their picture on his mantel along side one of Lily and newborn Harry. There wasn't even that much for Grandfather Snape, but Tobias hadn't let much sign of him anyway. The cross old man was better forgotten anyway. Severus though about offering Remus the last bedroom, actually voicing his want for Remus to live with him instead of just staying over most nights, but he hadn't quite gotten up the courage to.

“Has it been difficult?” Remus asked, drawing him out of his revelry. Severus shrugged out of robes, dropping them into his laundry basket.

“No more difficult than most infants, I assume.”

Remus snorted and then stepped up behind him, pressing his chest against Severus' back as he slid his arms around him to help unbutton his shirt.

“He looks so peaceful in there.”

“You should have seen him an hour ago. That would shatter the image quite well.”

Severus knew Remus was smiling. As he continued down his shirt, Remus slid a hand inside to brush along his chest and Severus closed his eyes and leaned back into him.

“Are you tired?”

“Exhausted.”

“Then I'll have to put you to bed, won't I?”

Severus couldn't help but snort at that. They finished undressing and slid into bed. Remus pulled him up against his body and Severus sighed as he rested against him, pressing his face against Remus' throat.

“You're really tense,” Remus observed and began to gently knead his back. Severus groaned faintly as the accumulated knots from toddler chasing began to unwind.

“That boy... I think it's Potter's revenge.”

Remus snorted. “James _would_ likely be amused...”

“...His eyes...” Severus sighed softly. “They're hers all the way.”

There was quiet as Remus continued to knead and Severus stayed pressed against him.

“Can you... Is that all right?” Remus asked softly. Severus snorted and lifted his head to give his lover a self assured look.

“Of course it is. I... I like looking at them. Seeing her in him.”

Remus smiled a bit. “Mm. I suppose I'm not allowed to be jealous that your son is stealing your attention from me.”

That made him blink and Severus felt his face burn, just a bit as he smacked Remus' shoulder. The other man snickered and Severus tucked his head back against his shoulder. His son... Severus hadn't thought of Harry that way. Harry was her son. Lily's. Thinking of him as his own... It was a strange thought. He didn't know if that would be right, taking claim of him.

“Severus?”

“It's nothing. I was thinking.”

Remus' hands stilled for a second or two. “Should I stop?”

“No. It feels good.” Severus sighed a little. Since the attack, Remus had been a bit awkward in random moments. Unsure of himself and what he was allowed. Severus didn't know why and he did his best to soothe the episodes. “I...Is he? My son. Is he really...”

“The adoption is finalized, right?” Remus murmured as he started the massage again. “Of course he is. Though, I am curious. Johnathan?”

Severus closed his eyes and did his best not to flush. “...Your father. He was kind, that one time.”

Remus didn't respond to that but Severus felt his hands fumble against his back. He wondered how Remus felt about that but he didn't dare ask. He was awkward as well.

Months ago while dying in the snow, Severus had admitted aloud that he loved him. Not quite to Remus' face, but close. They hadn't spoken about it since. Severus wasn't even sure Remus had heard it. He might have hallucinated the end of that conversation, vivid as it was in his mind. Much as he desperately wanted to know Remus' feelings in full, he couldn't risk losing what he already had.

They didn't speak much more before falling into sleep in each others' arms.


	3. Make Me Believe

Harry woke between two and three A.M. that morning, as he had since the first night Severus brought him to Spinner's End. His cries were shrill and frightened and punctuated by the rattling of his railing on the bed. No baby monitor spell needed. Sound traveled easily through the house. Severus rolled out from under the sheets and grabbed up his dressing gown, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he padded out to Harry's room.

The crying faded into a quieter, snotty sobbing when Severus opened the door. He picked Harry up, surprised once more when the child immediately latched onto him. With a soft sigh, Severus sat down in the rocker he'd managed to find in a second hand furniture store and held Harry as the boy sniffled and hiccuped. It never took too long to settle him. Harry responded well to the soft rocking and the gentle patting of Severus' hand against his back. Severus wondered often in these moments if Lily had done this. He doubted Petunia dealt with the child so much.

The nice thing about being awakened in the middle of the night was that his nightmares rarely had time to get a full hold of him. Harry inadvertently saved him from the worst of it, so Severus didn't mind at all getting up, though he wondered at why Harry still wasn't sleeping through a night at nearly two years old.

Once he got Harry back to sleep, Severus laid him back down and pulled the light blanket over him. He paused, running his fingers through Harry's baby-fine hair a moment, then returned to his bedroom. Remus opened one eye, then yawned as he drew back the sheets. Severus slipped in but didn't lay down at first. The faint lingerings of his dream were still with him from before the toddler had awakened him, still itching under his skin and making his fingers ice cold. Remus looked up in confusion as Severus rubbed his hands to try and warm them.

“Severus..? Something wrong?” he asked sleepily.

“No. Go back to sleep, Remus,” Severus murmured softly. “I'll be fine.”

Remus yawned and turned onto his back as he propped himself up on his elbows. “...I'm not an expert or anything... but generally, it helps to talk when things unsettle you.”

He'd been wanting him to talk for months. Severus didn't want to. If he talked, he'd have to remember that night and he didn't want to do that. Dumbledore and McGonagall were the same, treating him like glass in the last months of the school year. He hated it. Every second of it. He didn't care if their intentions were kind or sincere.

“Not yet,” he said in a quiet, strained tone. Remus looked at him, golden brown eyes worried and faintly hurt. After a bit, he nodded and turned onto his side away from him. Severus clenched his jaw. He wasn't trying to hurt Remus. He never _had_. But he wasn't talking about this. If he had his way, he never would. It wasn't as if he hadn't lived through worse than bloody Avery.

Pomfrey had done an extensive examination of him after Remus found him in the snow next to Avery's body, lead by Septima Vector and Filius Flitwick's ingenious idea to track him by the transmitting spell in his communication pin. She'd had to, considering the great damage his body had suffered. Hypothermia was one of the lesser dangers he faced and, in all honesty, the only reason he'd survived was the werewolf healing factor. Some of the scars were still there even now, like the one across his back. It would fade, but he was only now starting to feel completely healthy again.

He'd been in a light coma for two weeks as Pomfrey healed him. Remus hadn't left his side. Severus supposed he should take that as devotion, but he couldn't. Remus wasn't _letting_ him. All his worried looks, his veiled words wondering if he was up to things, if he was well enough for this or that, if he was _coping_. Remus didn't trust him to know his own limits and that made him angry. But he didn't say anything. How _could_ he? Remus was worried. Severus should be _grateful_. But he wasn't.

Eventually, Severus laid back down but it was barely an hour or so later before his morning alarm went off. He switched off the spell as Remus groaned something about the damn morning and curled back under the sheets. Shaking his head, Severus got up and showered, dressing quickly. Yesterday, Harry had been up by dawn and they'd watched the sunrise together. He checked the child's room but Harry was sleeping peacefully for now. Severus had time to get a morning cup of coffee.

He leaned against his counter as he sipped the bitter concoction, wondering what in hell's name he was suppose to do with Remus now. He couldn't very well let the man protect him from everything and he was getting tired of the way Remus watched him, as if he might break at any moment. Severus certainly was not going to break.

Shaking his head a little, Severus watched the sky through his kitchen window slowly grow lighter. Almost on cue, Harry began to cry. Severus fetched him before he could wake Remus and carried the child into the kitchen to enjoy the morning with him. Harry was fully awake and watched the sun slowly rise with awe from Severus' arms.

Harry liked being held. Severus had learned that quickly enough. He liked being carried around and liked to set his head against Severus' heart when they sat together. Severus supposed it made him feel safe and secure and was somewhat flattered Harry had decided to trust him that much. Of course, he _was_ two and weren't children very adaptable?

When the sun was fully up, Harry lost interest in it and made it very clear that he was now _very_ hungry. Severus just rolled his eyes and got him a snack as he started breakfast. He'd just finished the eggs when Remus stumbled out of the bedroom, scratching his belly. Harry stopped playing with his fruit slices and stared at the man with wide eyes.

“Morning,” Remus said with a yawn as he plopped down at the kitchen table. Severus glanced back and noticed the way Harry stared at him without moving a muscle. As if waiting for something. Shaking his head, Severus shoveled the eggs onto a serving plate and carried them and the rest to the table so he and Remus could serve themselves.

“Harry,” Severus murmured. “This is Remus. Can you say hello to him?”

Harry glanced at him, but soon turned back his gaze to Remus, who tried to look friendly even though he was still sleepy.

“Hello, Harry,” he said cheerily. Harry blinked again but stayed quiet. Severus served him breakfast and the boy quickly forgot about Remus in the face of food, as Severus noticed he tended to do with everything when there was food to get his attention, and what a messy eater he was at that. Severus made a note to start teaching Harry proper table manners as soon as the kid had enough vocabulary to understand him.

The meal was peaceful, anyway. Harry started babbling as soon as he was finished stuffing his face and Severus answered when he had any idea what the toddler was talking about. Most of the time he didn't but Harry didn't seem to mind. Remus watched them with a little smile on his face.

The day went rather quickly. Remus learned first hand about Harry's little tantrum problem. Severus looked on with exasperated amusement as Remus tried to calm the child, all the while looking to him for guidance. Severus just lifted a brow and Remus eventually got the point. Paying so much attention only made the tantrums last longer. As soon as Remus got that, they handled them much easier, though Severus did notice a pronounced number of them happened that day. He also noticed Harry did not warm to Remus. Harry tended to stick as near to Severus as he could, in his lap or arms whenever possible, and watched Remus like a hawk if he got too close.

When he laid Harry down for an afternoon nap, that was still bothering him. Severus closed the door and went out to the living room to rest while the brat was sleeping along with Remus.

“...I don't know _how_ you managed six days alone,” Remus murmured. He was already exhausted and it had only been a day. Severus snorted.

“I have a way with children,” he deadpanned, then rested his head back in his chair.

“....Do you think he'll like me tomorrow?”

Severus blinked and looked at the other man. He hadn't thought Remus had noticed anything but now saw the anxiety on his face as Remus picked at the edge of his shirt.

“He's just shy,” Severus assured him. “We had to take a trip to that baby emporium on Diagon Alley and he was very shy then. He just needs time to adjust to a second new person.”

Remus glanced at him and offered a little smile. “Thanks. I hope so. I'd hate to make the poor kid uncomfortable by hanging around all the time. I mean, it's not like I can help you raise him if he's scared of me.”

Help him raise... Severus felt something fluttery in his stomach. Since springing the news of the impending adoption, Remus hadn't mentioned much of how he felt about the arrangement except for a wistfulness at being somewhat connected to Lily and James Potter. But he wanted to help him raise Harry...? That implied permanence. Severus hoped it didn't show on his face how happy that made him feel.

“I'm sure he'll warm up to you,” Severus found himself saying and Remus' smile became a bit more real. “He may even like you more. You're certainly nicer than I am.”

Remus laughed. “Sev, you have _no_ idea what you're like with that kid, do you?”

“What the blazes are you talking about..?”

“If I didn't know better, I'd say you were his natural father,” Remus replied. Severus blinked with honest shock. “You're very careful and attentive, you haven't lost your temper with him, and the way you intuit how to deal with his demands makes me a little jealous. You make it look almost _easy_.”

Well. Severus stared at him, not sure quite how to take that. It certainly _hadn't_ been easy, not a bit. And he _had_ lost his temper, barely able to keep from yelling at the child on more occasions than made him comfortable. He was sure Harry was rather unlucky with him as a caregiver.

“Severus.”

He looked up and Remus stood, stepping over to his chair. He reached over and brushed his fingers along Severus' cheek before leaning over to kiss him softly.

“You're doing _fine_ , Severus,” he murmured and Severus hated that he actually had fear to comfort with those words. “It's stressful now, but you'll both settle into this and I'll be here to help too. You're not alone and you won't fail.”

Severus swallowed and leaned into his hand, closing his eyes. “Remus...I... Thank you.”

“That's what I'm here for,” Remus said with a smile, but it faded off. “...Will Molly be watching him next weekend?”

“What?”

“The moon, Severus.”

He'd forgotten all about that. Severus sighed a bit. “I suppose I'll have to ask her to. She has a boy Harry's age. It might be nice for him to make a friend, even if it _is_ a Weasley.”

Remus snorted a bit and kissed him again. They enjoyed a nice, quiet two hours before Harry was up again and running them ragged all over again. It was a bit easier after. Severus didn't feel quite so overwhelmed and when he and Remus laid down for the night, he fell asleep rather quickly.

The relatively good day didn't keep the nightmares at bay. Severus found himself in the cold, being hunted, being captured, being- Harry woke him before it got much farther. As Severus rocked Harry in his arms, soothing the boy back to sleep, he wondered when he'd be strong enough to leave the nightmares behind. He was trying to start a new life, after all. There was no Dark Lord to dog his steps. Severus returned to bed with quiet worry.


	4. That You'll Do No Wrong

Taking Harry to the Wealsey's den ended up being more trouble than it was worth. They'd managed through the next week and a half rather well, though Harry still wasn't sure what to make of Remus and Remus continually doubted Harry ever _would_ like him, which aggravated Severus further. Thankfully, Harry tolerated Remus long enough to get the Wolfsbane potion created. Severus found himself being even more careful than usual of the deadly ingredients. If he got sick or worse, it wasn't just his life he had to worry about.

Before the full moon, Severus had Molly over to meet Harry a time or two, who was even more unsure of her than he was of Remus. Molly was friendly and cheerful and didn't seem to mind too much. She confided to Remus that it was perfectly normal for children to be shy of strangers, especially with all that had changed for Harry in the last month.

Three hours before moon rise, Severus packed up the dipper bag. He'd decided to work on potty training the kid next month. Harry was plenty old enough for it and Severus wasn't surprised the Dursleys hadn't bothered. Molly had already promised to help him, having just finished with her youngest son. How she managed with an infant daughter to care for was beyond him.

The Weasley home was a loud, rambunctious place. With Harry on his hip, Severus stared into the chaos of six little boys and their poor mother, and wondered if this had been a good idea after all. Harry had equal misgivings, already used to the relative quiet of their home. Molly bustled up to them with a crying infant in her arm – Severus didn't remember any of the Weasley children's names – and smiled wearily at them.

“Oh, I'm happy to see you Severus. Hello there, Harry. Ready for a fun weekend?”

Harry stared at her as if she were utterly nuts, looking between her and the still crying baby. Severus didn't blame him at all. Over the next hour, Molly got her daughter calm and each of her boys ended up coming to greet – and terrify – Harry. All except the youngest boy who stayed clamped on his mother's leg giving Severus the nastiest look. Severus did what he could to try and make Harry comfortable in the chaos, but the toddler was not having it at _all_. He grew upset if Severus tried to sit him down, he wanted nothing to do with the other two year old or his older brothers, and he cried if Molly tried to pick him up.

Nightfall made the decision for him. Severus had never felt so horrible as when he pulled Harry away from his chest and let Molly take him as the toddler screamed and cried with upset. He left as quickly as he could and when he apparated back to Spinner's End, Remus gave him one look and then dragged him into his arms.

“What happened?” he asked quietly.

“Harry. He didn't want me to go.”

Remus nodded, sighing a little. “It's necessary, but next time I'll go with you.”

They didn't say anything more about it. Going into the backyard, they reset the wards on the garden shed, strengthening them and setting a few new ones. Then they filed inside and undressed, stashing their clothing high on a shelf.

The moon itched under Severus' skin as he sat down against the cool metal wall. He didn't want to fall when the change came over him. Remus sat with him and reached out, taking Severus' face in his hands to press a soft kiss to his lips.

“Don't worry. Harry will be fine. We'll pick him up and he'll be absolutely pissed, but he'll get over it.”

Severus nodded faintly. “I know..”

Remus drew him into another kiss that wasn't quite chaste but still soft and gentle. He found himself responding easily as Remus tried to put him at ease, drawing a gentle sort of passion up from within him.

And then the change hit. They yelled and writhed as their bodies mutated into the wolf form, then sat panting after as tiny whimpers left them. The damage healed itself soon enough and they got up, sniffing one another and then wandering the tiny shed. It was too small to really sate them. They wanted more territory, scratching the walls. Even their human minds under the instincts were uncomfortable with the tiny space.

Not-quite-Remus grew bored soon enough and nipped along not-quite-Severus' haunch. The reaction was startling as the black wolf jerked around and bared his teeth, ears laying back and heckles raised. He nearly leapt at the other, who gave a confused yip and cocked his head to one side. The black wolf retreated a step back, scent upset and tail lowered, but the sudden aggression drained from him. With a quiet whimper, Remus slowly approached him and nuzzled his throat lightly, ears back. It took a while, but Severus returned it.

The rest of the night was relatively uneventful as they paced about and rough housed. Morning brought them human bodies. They dressed, went in, and tended their wounds. Then they slumped off to Severus' room and laid out on their own sides of the wide bed. The moon still itched through them, making lasting contact uncomfortable and uneasy.

“Severus,” Remus murmured before they could drop into sleep. He opened tired black eyes to regard the other. “...Later, after we've rested... We're talking.”

Severus' hands tightened in the sheets. “No.”

“Sev-”

“ _No._ ” He watched Remus' jaw clenched. They were both too tired for this discussion. “There's nothing to talk about.”

“Like hell there isn't,” Remus growled back. Pain and exhaustion had loosened the gentleness from his tongue. “Severus, what happened back there? What happened with Avery? You almost _mauled_ me last night. _Me_. Your _pack leader._ ”

“That doesn't mean anything-”

“It means _everything_.” Remus' face tightened. “Wolves don't feel the need to turn on their leaders unless there's a lack of territory. We don't fight for supremacy or anything as idiotic as _ranks_ in such a small pack.”

“ _It doesn't mean anything-_ ”

“Listen to me!” Remus grabbed hold of his shoulder too tightly and Severus winched. “Something is _wrong_ , Severus! You shouldn't even be _inclined_ to turn on me in that state. I'm the _parent_ to that form.”

“You are _not_ my father,” Severus hissed with cold anger. He sat up, lip curling. “Get out.”

“No. Not this time, Severus. You don't get to chase me away like I'm the one that's wronged you,” Remus growled right back, pushing himself up.

They glared at one another, tired and angry and hurt. Severus didn't want to have this conversation. _Ever_. He got up from the bed, dragging on his robe.

“Where are you going?” Remus demanded.

Severus glared at him. “Since _you_ aren't leaving, _I_ am. We're not talking about this. _I'm_ not talking about this.”

“Severus!” Remus started getting up as well. “Damn it, I'm not trying to hurt you-”

“Funny,” Severus shot back, “You're _very_ good at it.”

Remus looked like he'd been shot. Or stabbed in the back, rather.

“That's not fair.”

“ _I don't care._ ” Severus curled his lip. “I refuse to allow you to manipulate and decide things for me just because I let you bugger me.”

“I'm not trying to-” Remus tried but Severus cut him off with a humorless, harsh laugh.

“Save it. My head is pounding and my body feels ready to drop. I'm finished fighting with you. I'm going to sleep.”

He left the bedroom, slamming the door behind him before going to the guest bedroom no one had used in years. It had been his before he left home but had been purged of his childhood as well as he could manage. He'd even bothered to repaint it and the room still smelled faintly of paint. It made his head pound harder, but he wondered it he deserved it. He sat down on his bed, head in his hands.

God _damn_ it. He felt horrible, chest clenched, breathing painful, eyes burning. He pressed his palms against his closed eyes, jaws tight. Damn, damn, _damn_. This wasn't his fault. He'd been doing his best, getting back to normal, controlling his anxiety, getting through the nightmares. He wasn't _weak_. He didn't need _help_. He didn't _want_ help. He was doing fine on his own. And damned Remus had done his level best the last months to break apart the fragile control and balance he'd managed to construct in himself once more.

So what if he'd snapped at Remus? He felt bad about it, but that was no reason for Remus to demand he share something so personal! He was doing just _fine_ on his _own_. And he'd keep it that way. He didn't want Remus in his head, picking apart his experiences to find faults and weakness. He didn't need the other to swoop in and save him. Severus would save his goddamn self.

Somehow, Severus got to sleep. He didn't sleep well or deeply, dipping in and out of half nightmares that didn't make much sense and were less terrifying as confusing. He finally woke after dark but he didn't leave the bedroom. He listened to the stillness in the house and wondered if Remus was sleeping. He hoped so. He wasn't sure if he could deal with him right now.

Severus got up and left the guest bedroom. He stood in the hall, listening. Nothing. Not even sounds of the house settling. He swallowed thickly and walked as silently as possible up to his bedroom door, pressing an ear to it. Still nothing. Severus felt a horrible cold inside. He opened the door quickly, stepping in.

Remus was gone. Severus sucked in a hard, shivering breath. Remus was _gone_.

He searched the house. There were signs here and there of Remus' presence, but they were old. His scent was at least three or four hours old. Severus dropped into a chair in the kitchen.

Remus was gone.

In a way, he wasn't surprised but it _hurt_. Severus closed a hand over his heart, the other dug into his hair. He felt nauseated, sick to his core. Merlin, he'd done it. He'd finally managed to drive Remus away. He'd royally fucked any chance of _ever_ being _happy_.

One argument. That's all it had taken.

Merlin. The relationship had been that weak. That much of a farce. He knew it was his fault. If he'd just... No! No, it _wasn't_ his fault. If Remus had just not _pried_. If he'd just backed off. _Trusted him._ If...

Severus realized he was crying and he hated himself even more.

When he managed to get a hold of himself again, Severus went to fetch Harry. Molly took one look at him and demanded he stay for dinner. He picked at it but ate very little, then took Harry and went home. Harry was mad at him. Severus probably deserved that too.


	5. Show Me The Stars

Severus didn't sleep that night. He spent it sitting in the chair in Harry's bedroom, watching the child sleep. He was right there when Harry woke, soothed him back to sleep, and then sat down again to wait out the rest of the night. He didn't have the strength to face the nightmares.

The two of them watched the sun rise as usual. Then Severus made breakfast and picked at it as Harry devoured his own. They settled into the living room after and built towers with colorful blocks, pushed shaped pegs into holes, and played five note songs that never repeated. Mostly, Severus watched Harry because Harry wanted to do it himself, babbling the whole time. Harry was much more at ease with just the two of them. Maybe it was for the better that Remus left.

That evening, Lupin showed up at the door. He wanted to talk. Severus, sleep deprived and miserable, looked at him a few moments with Harry at his hip and then slammed the door shut in his face. A few seconds, he opened it and Lupin was still there, so he did it again. And then a third time for good measure. He didn't open it again to see if Lupin had left yet. Harry had started crying from the startlingly loud noise and he carried him back to the living room to soothe him. Soon enough, Harry was playing with his blocks again and Severus sat in his chair with his head in his hands.

He received an owl that night from Lupin. Severus took the letter, fed the owl, and then left the letter on his dresser without reading it. It was still there three days later when a second letter came. Again, Severus set it with the other and ignored it. There wasn't a third.

The next week was mostly a blur. Severus put his feelings into a little box in the back of his mind and locked it. That was the only way he could keep going. He'd done it before and it worked out well enough. He concentrated on being with Harry, slowly introducing new words and beginning on toilet training.

Severus finally looked at the letters. Lupin didn't apologize. He thought Severus was traumatized, that he needed to recover from whatever Avery had done to him, and Lupin just wanted to help him. He said he cared about his well being. Severus burned the first letter and read the second, which was much of the same but a little more desperate and angry. Severus burned it too. He didn't really care if he was being petty.

Lupin came to see him. Severus slammed the door in his face again before he could get more than a few words out. He didn't bloody want to talk. Another letter arrived. Severus burned it without even looking at the damn thing.

Molly came when her husband was home to watch the boys, her daughter kept with her. Harry didn't like the baby at all, but tolerated her far better in his own home. He also slowly warmed to Molly. Severus thought, perhaps, it was because he saw her in small doses, spread out over the week. For the most part, Molly let him handle things and gave him advice here and there, little tips that didn't quite make him bristle. She had quite a bit of experience getting her way through negotiation and veiled manipulation. Severus thought she might have made a good Slytherin.

When Severus did sleep, which was generally one night out of two, the nightmares reached to the highest levels of terror. He woke sweating with his heart pounding in his chest and his breathing so fast he felt light headed as his hands shook uncontrollably, cold permeating his being. Harry still cried in the middle of the night, but Severus was usually already awake, haunted by the horrors of his dreams.

Severus was rather sure Lupin was right. He _had_ been traumatized. He _had_ been damaged. But why was it that something as insignificant as Avery's attack bothered him so deeply? It hadn't been the first time he'd been beaten nearly to death, nor even the first time he'd been savaged by fellow Death Eaters. The Dark Lord had been far more cruel than Avery could ever have thought.

He would beat this. On his own. He didn't need anyone.

When the moon came around, Molly took Harry. There was the same crying and fit. Severus escaped as quickly as he could. He apparated back to the house and there was Lupin standing in his living room. Severus had his wand out in a moment.

“Severus-” Lupin started, lifting his hands. He looked tired and strained, dark circles under his eyes that likely matched his own.

“Get out of my house,” Severus growled back at him, wand unwavering. Lupin sighed a little.

“Don't be a prick, Severus,” he murmured quietly. After a pause, he added, “Have you been sleeping at _all?_ You look like shit.”

“Now who's being the prick?”

Lupin gave him a dirty look, then glanced at the wand still trained on him. “Damn it, Severus. We're too old for this.”

“No.” Severus narrowed his eyes, lip curling. “What _I'm_ too old for is you. Not again, Lupin. I have neither the strength nor the masochistic interest. Just leave me alone.”

For a moment, Lupin stared at him and then he sighed. “So we're back to this again.”

“Get out.”

A month without Remus had hurt worse than Crutiatus. It had damaged him far more than Avery ever could. He wasn't going to let Lupin make him attached again just to run off once more.

But Lupin didn't move or disappear. “I'm not giving up on you.”

“Lupin, I swear to Merlin, if you don't leave, I'll-”

“ _I love you._ ”

Severus stopped breathing for a minute or so, eyes widening. Then he stared as his wand arm wavered and then dropped to hang at his side.

Remus watched him, gaze steady if tired. “I realized I hadn't told you that and you needed to hear it. I love you. Hell, I didn't even _realize_ until... But I do. And I want to stay with you. Even if you are a prickly bastard who jumps to the worst conclusions and can't accept help and-”

“You can't just...” Severus' heart pounded in his chest as he reached up and covered his eyes with one hand. “Damn it, Remus, I can't _do_ this... You...”

Remus touched his shoulder. Severus jumped, looking at him quickly. He felt shaky and off balance and the vulnerable, open look on Remus' face didn't help anything.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I hurt you. I pushed. I know that. But... I've been so _worried_ about you. I... Severus, you mean the world to me. I just want you to be _happy_. And I think I can help you _be_ happy. I... I want to be with you, Severus. Always.”

Severus swallowed thickly. Too much at once. He needed time to think. He needed to _process_ this. He needed-

He needed to get into the shed.

They barely had time to activate the wards and strip down before the transformation came over them. Even the wolf form couldn't quite revitalize his energy. Not-quite-Severus sat in one corner, taking in scents and watching the other wolf as not-quite-Remus wandered and sniffed things.

He didn't get too close until later in the night. The brown wolf slowly approached, masking it by digging at the metal floor here or sniffing there along the way, but the black watched him like a hawk. Finally, he stopped hiding it and stood near, watching not-quite-Severus for long seconds as the other stayed very still. He didn't rush when he took a step and then another close and then bared his throat with a quiet whine. Not-quite-Severus almost bit him on principle. His emotions were vague and abstracted, but he knew the other had hurt him. Could hurt him again. He almost bit... And then he found himself hesitantly nuzzling the thick brown fur of his throat with a whine of his own.

Morning brought the feel of localized warmth under his back and fingers in his hair. Severus kept his eyes closed and his body still. He was being held, in a lap it felt like. The fingers were familiar, a gentle touch he'd felt countless times before. He almost jolted fully awake but then he realized there was a voice as well, speaking in a low, hushed tone.

“..I'll help you,” Remus was murmuring. “I'll help you beat this... so that you won't _hurt_ so much...”

Severus' throat felt very, very tight and dry. He let the petting go one for a while, listening until Remus trailed off and went silent but continued hold him in his lap. Silence stretched and Severus opened his eyes with a quiet noise of waking. Remus immediately released him to sit up. They sat in awkward quiet, sitting closely enough to feel each others' body heat against their skin. Severus thought he should say something, but he didn't end up doing so. They dressed and went back inside. Severus found his wand but there were only a few scrapes here and there to heal. Then they headed back to his bedroom.

In the doorway, Severus stopped. Remus paused behind him, giving him a tired, confused look. Severus' hand tightened on the door frame. This wasn't a normal night. He wanted to treat it as if that wasn't true, but it was. Things were awkward and he needed rest. Severus didn't think he'd be able to rest well if Remus was there.

“...You....The guest room,” he said quietly, head down so he didn't have to look at Remus. He didn't need to because the hurt was suddenly thick in his scent. “..And don't you dare disappear before I wake up.”

Remus nodded with a soft sigh of resignation. “...Of course... I'll be here when you wake up. Rest well, all right?”

“I will.” Severus hesitated, then added, “You as well.”

Remus might have given him a tight smile, as he normally would have, but Severus didn't look to see. He listened to Remus walk down the hallway and find the guest bed and didn't relax until he heard the door click closed. Severus let out a heavy breath and then went to lay down himself.

The bed had felt too large and empty since Remus left. It still felt that way as Severus stripped and sunk into it and then tried to take up as much space on the damn thing as he could, if only to spite that feeling.

He didn't sleep. Severus rolled onto one side and then the other, even tried curling up at the end of the bed. Not a wink. Eventually, he dragged himself out of bed and pulled on his robe, leaving the bedroom. He walked very quietly down the hallway to the guest room door, then opened it and looked in. Remus was there, sleeping in a ball under the sheets. Severus could only see a shock of gray streaked brown hair poking out from under them. Severus tried not to give a relieved sigh. He tugged the door closed again and started to go back to bed, but the anxiety burned through him still.

Severus ended up sitting down against the wall near the guest room door. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on them. Sore and tired as he was, he felt better, staying this close, where Remus' scent was fresh. This was silly, childish, but he needed to know Remus was there. That he hadn't left again.

The words Remus had told him rang in his ears. _I love you_. He wanted to believe that. Desperately. He wondered if Remus would say that again. If he'd keep saying it. Over and over and over until Severus believed it whole-heartedly. Severus almost hated just how much he wanted that.

Somehow, he managed to fall asleep, curled in the hallway. His dreams were disconnected and confusing and tinged with horror. When he woke up, there was a blanket draped over him. It smelled like Remus. He tugged it closer around himself before looking up. Vaguely, he could hear Remus moving about the kitchen. He got up, blanket still around his shoulders and left the hallway to join him. Remus didn't quite jump when he looked up from the simple meal he'd been preparing and saw him but his smile was a little tight. Awkward. Severus sat down at the table and waited.


	6. And Bring Me The Moon

“...So.”

Severus glanced up as Remus served the simple eggs and bacon down (why on earth were they eating breakfast for dinner?) and sat across from him. Giving him space, he realized belatedly as he picked at the meal.

“...So?” he answered back rather lamely. Remus' lips quirked a bit.

“Has it been all right? With Harry?”

“Fine.” Pause. “I've started toilet training.”

“Oh?” They talked about that for a little while, awkward and stilted, but it helped. It showed they _could_ still talk without yelling at each other. Severus wasn't sure why, but that was important. Toilet training turned into vocabulary and then anything else they could think to talk about that wasn't really all that important right then. Eventually, it puttered into nothing. Severus nibbled bacon absently.

Remus sighed. “...I'd like you to talk to someone. About what happened. Even if it isn't me.”

Severus didn't mean to tense up like he did. He stared at his half full plate. “I'd rather not.”

“I know.” Remus pushed his own plate away and folded his arms on the table. “How are the nightmares? They were getting worse, before.”

Severus' head shot up. “How did you-”

“Severus. I _slept_ with you. A bloke notices when his bedmate is tossing and whimpering in a distinctly not-fun fashion.”

An embarrassed flush came to his cheeks as he stabbed a bit of egg he didn't intend to eat.

“...They're worse,” he admitted finally with a soft sigh and his fingers felt cold at the remembrance. “Its... I can handle it. These aren't the first nightmares I've had.”

“Will you tell me?”

Severus tensed, hands tightening. Sharing the nightmares meant acknowledging them and what bothered him. His lips pursed into a while line as he finally set down his fork and shoved the plate forward so that he could clasp his hands and set them on the table.

“...I don't like thinking of them,” he managed, stiffly. Remus nodded, all gentle reassurance and understanding that made Severus bristle despite him. He waited, so very patiently. Severus felt a great pressure from that patience. “...They're... always in the snow.”

Remus nodded again, gold eyes focused on him with vivid intensity. Severus stared at his hands instead.

“Avery...” Severus trailed off, frowning as he tried to think of how best to explain the dreams. “He chases me. Through the snow.”

Remus murmured something about cold hands but nodded for him to continue.

“Most of the time, Harry wakes me up before he can catch me.”

“And the other times?”

Severus fell silent and his hands tightened. Sometimes, Avery only beat him further, staining the white snow with his blood as he yelled with red hot anger until Severus died. Other times.... Other times, he finished the job he'd started and those were the ones that made Severus' skin crawl. He closed his eyes, brows tight as he tried to rid himself of the images.

“Severus?”

“A moment. I...I need a moment.”

Remus made a quiet, concerned noise but Severus ignored it as he lifted a hand to press over his eyes. He could feel Avery's breath against his neck, feel the weight on his back, his voice cursing him in his ears...

Severus jerked as he felt a hand grab his arm. His wand was out in a moment and pressed between Remus' eyes, his own widened. Remus didn't look all that surprised. He stared at him with bold courage, secure that Severus wouldn't hurt him. Severus wasn't so sure of that, but he managed to draw back his wand.

“Severus,” Remus murmured in a near whisper as he knelt rested one hand on the table, leaning over him. “What did he _do_ to you?”

“He tried to kill me.” Severus said immediately. Remus frowned, brows furrowed.

“You flinch every time I touch you, Severus. That's not normal at all.”

“I..” Severus looked away. “It's nothing.”

“Not to me,” Remus whispered. He sighed softly and dragged his chair around so that he sat with his knees nearly touching Severus' chair. “Severus, this is painful to watch. You're so..”

Severus didn't look at him. He was terrified of how Remus might end that sentence. Remus didn't end up finishing it. Instead, he reached over and took Severus' face in his hands, turning him to face him.

“Severus, I love you.” He tried to ignore the way his heart skipped a beat as he looked back at Remus. “I care about you. I want to help you. Please let me?”

He swallowed thickly as Remus continued to stare at him like that. As if he could see through him, see to the dark, pathetic thing inside him masquerading as a soul. He shivered.

“I don't know how,” Severus whispered. Remus just smiled and leaned over, kissing him softly. The gentle brush of lips made his chest flutter and then settle with contentment.

“It's all right. I'll teach you.”

Remus gave him a respite for now. They enjoyed the quiet a little longer before going to fetch Harry. Molly looked at Remus fondly and looked quite smug, which Severus didn't acknowledge at _all_. Harry, on the other hand, gave Remus unsure looks just like before.

It wasn't long after that Severus put Harry to bed, petting through the toddler's soft hair on his way back out. He sat down in the living room with Remus, letting out a soft sigh. Maybe now things would settle a little.

...Or not. Two days before Harry's second birthday, Severus received an invitation from Lucius Malfoy to come to the manor and introduce his son. He wasn't quite sure how Lucius had found out so quickly but it still made him rather worried. Of course, ti helped that Lucius mentioned the boy as Johnathan. He agreed to the meeting, but set it for the next weekend so that they could give Harry a proper birthday.

It wasn't so much a party as a lovely lunch, small cake, and a few gifts Harry ignored in favor of the wrapping paper. Severus and Remus watched with amusement as he had a merry time with the paper and ribbons. The sugar, of course, made Harry nearly unmanageable but that could be excused on his special day. Somehow, the three of them managed to live through the day. They set Harry to sleep eventually and recovered together.

“Severus?” Remus wondered as they sat in the quiet of the messy living room. “When is _your_ birthday?”

Severus lifted a brow, giving him a tired look. “You aren't planning on doing any ruckus then, are you?”

“Mm, perhaps not, but I do have every intention to shag you senseless until we both drop from exhaustion. If you're amiable.”

A flush came to Severus' face as he sighed a bit, rolling his eyes with false exasperation. Actually, it only reminded him that they hadn't had sex since early April. Not that he'd ever been one for copious amounts of sex before this, but he _had_ rather enjoyed himself in those times.

“...January ninth.”

Remus smiled. “Lovely. I'll be sure to have something wonderfully enjoyable planned.”

“...Mm.” Severus was still blushing, head resting on one hand. “... And yours?”

“March tenth,” Remus said with a wider grin. “I'm afraid we've already missed it.”

“Pity.”

Severus glanced over and found Remus looking exceptionally amused and cheery. Good. He'd not looked that way in quite a while.

They went to bed with a chaste kiss and Severus got a nice amount of rest before the nightmares fell upon him. Harry woke him up partway through the night but Remus waved him back down and went to tend the child himself. Severus laid curled on his side and listened to the soft noise of Remus's voice through the walls and Harry's sniffles and half cries. It took a bit longer, but Remus managed eventually to get him down again. For some reason, Severus found him suddenly quite a bit more attractive after that.

The next weekend, Severus gathered a small afternoon bag for Harry and dressed him in his best. Harry hated if, of course, because the 'Sunday best,' as Severus' mother would have called it, hadn't been properly broken in and apparently itched.

“Should I come with you?” Remus asked, not quite hiding the anxiety in his voice. Severus glanced back at him as he lifted Harry onto his hip.

“No. It... I would rather keep our relationship from getting notice within that circle,” Severus murmured and felt a dim guilt as Remus nodded solemnly. “We're safer if Lucius' ilk doesn't know you can be used against me. Harry's bad enough.”

Remus smiled weakly. “All right. I'll... be here when you get back.”

Severus nodded and started out, but he paused at the door. Taking a breath, he steeled himself and turned to face the other man again.

“Remus,” he murmured, and then hesitated again. Could he really ask this, now of all times? But he didn't think he could ask, knowing he no reason to leave after. Remus was patient, giving him his full attention until Severus got his nerve again. “Would you like to move in with us? Permanently?”

Remus blinked. And then he stared. Though he stayed at the house more nights than not, he still had his patents' home, sitting alone without him, there if Severus drove him away. Severus had purposely not said anything about it, rather terrified of the idea that doing so would send Remus from him. Anxiety twisted his insides as the seconds went on and Remus hadn't answered. He was about to give up completely when the man finally spoke.

“I'll have my things here before you get back.”

Severus smiled and Remus kissed him over Harry's head before the two of them went to meet Lucius.


	7. Take Up The Dish

Harry chewed on his thumb as a house elf led the two of them up to the manor. Lucius was there to greet them, giving both Severus in his usual black and Harry in his unusual best a critical glance. His smile was small and cool as usual but Severus noticed that Lucius looked more content than the last time they'd seen one another. He was relaxed and almost jovial.

“You're looking well,” Severus observed, shifting Harry a little on his hip.

“I could say the same,” Lucius returned with a small smile. “Very... _parental._ ”

“Fatherhood seems to agree with me.”

Lucius snorted and led them into a small dining room. He seated himself first and then Severus followed as house elves appeared to serve tea. Harry stared at them with wonder, squirming a little, so Severus set him down and dug out his blocks when the elves disappeared and left harry nothing to look at. The toddler settled well enough.

“Well. You seem to have adapted well enough to childrearing,” Lucius observed, head resting on one hand. Severus leaned back in his chair.

“I _have_ been watching you with your son for the last two years, Lucius.”

“Indeed.” Lucius watched Harry play quietly for a bit. “Severus, do forgive me for prying, but... Where _did_ this child pop up from?”

Severus sighed a little, folding his arms on the table as he let the faintest sorrow enter his gaze. “His mother and I were lovers, briefly. I was... trying to forget Lily.”

Lucius nodded, a touch of sympathy on his face.

“The affair ended rather abruptly. I hadn't heard from her until she died and Jonathan was brought to me.”

“Quite a shock, I'd think.” Lucius glanced at the toddler with some fondness. Since Draco's birth, Severus had noticed that the pure blood had a distinct softness for infants. It might have given him trouble, had the war gone on any longer.

“A bit. It took adjustments on both sides. But he is my son. I'll not abandon him.”

“I should think not.” Lucius continued to watch the child a bit. “You know, he and Draco aren't much different in age, are they?”

“Two months.”

“Not much at all. It might be good for both of them to have a playmate. I fear you're the only friend of mine I'd trust my son near.”

“Mm, I find that trouble as well,” Severus admitted. He knew some of the old crew had birthed children here and there, but the idea of subjecting Harry to spawn of Goyle and Crabbe seemed revolting and irresponsible. After a moment of thought, Severus nodded. “I'm amiable to it. If anything, it would help Johnathan to have another child to mimic. His mother was woefully inadequate in teaching him necessary vocabulary and there is only so much I can do so quickly.”

“Understandable. Shall we introduce them, then?”

Severus stood and gathered up Harry, who gave a little whine as he'd been _just_ this close to finishing his little tower. A wave of Severus' wand and the blocks picked themselves up and were sent back into the bag. Lucius led them through the manor and to a very impressive nursery. Severus felt a sudden deja vu from his childhood, when Lucius' home made him feel so _common_ and _poor_. He felt it again as he looked around the nursery and wished he could have afforded even a hundredth of the expense Lucius had spent on his son. Definitely a spoiled one, his godson. He wished he could do that for Harry.

Draco sat with his nanny, pointing at things in a picture book with her as he babbled about them with more coherency than Harry had shown yet. He was a beautiful child, Severus had to admit. White blond hair and gray eyes from his father, a soft face and gentle features from his mother. Like one of those giggling things on all the baby product packaging, really. Severus glanced at Harry's almost rough visage in comparison before he shrugged off such thoughts. He liked Harry the way he was.

Both toddlers looked confused as Severus set Harry down near Draco and the nanny. Draco's face screwed up to a pout of suspicion.

“Unckie, whatsit?”

“This is Harry,” Severus murmured as Harry stayed leaned back against his legs. “Harry, this is Draco. I think the two of you could be rather good playmates.”

Neither boy looked convinced. Harry's small hands curled in Severus' robes. With a soft sigh, Severus knelt down and rested on hand against Harry's back.

“Harry, Draco's a very nice boy. Why don't you try playing with him for a little while?”

Harry's bottom lip jutted out farther. Behind them, Lucius came closer and spoke much of the same to his own son. Draco still looked faintly mutinous but then he sighed in a highly put upon fashion and picked up the picture book, shifting it around so that Harry would be able to see it too.

“Wead,” he said in a very commanding tone he _had_ to have learned from Lucius as he poked at shapes on the page. “Ciwcle, skare, tingle, staw.”

Harry looked at it with great concentration as he wiggled away from Severus and stepped closer only to squat closer to the book instead of sitting. He studied the page as Draco watched him, then poked at the square before muttering a bewildered, “Staw?”

After that, it was easy. Draco seemed positively glowing as he corrected Harry and they went through the book together with the nanny taking care of any short disputes. Severus and Lucius watched them a while before deciding they were entertained enough not to mind the absence.

“We're a success, my friend,” Lucius murmured with a smirk as they strode languidly through the hall.

“I hate to admit that you're right,” Severus mused. Why he hadn't thought of this earlier was beyond him. Actually, it was rather comforting to see Harry warm up to anyone, even if it happened to be Lucius Malfoy's son. Or, perhaps, _because_ of that.

“We must arrange regular play dates,” Lucius decided and Severus raised a brow but nodded. It would be good for Harry to have a friend, at least. Severus nodded as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yes... I think that would be good, especially come September.”

Lucius looked at him. “Surely you aren't going to continue teaching while you raise the child?”

“There's no ways around it, I'm afraid,” Severus replied with a faint shrug and another stab of humiliated shame at not being as fabulously wealthy as his old friend. “I like teaching anyway, even if most of those children are absolute dullards and imbeciles.”

The other man snorted. “Ah yes, the joys of common children. Well. It will comfort me if you're still teaching when Draco enters the school. I have some notions of Durmstrang, but I doubt Narcissa will allow Draco so far. She's quite taken with him.”

“Hm, I would expect so,” Severus agreed. And then he blinked. When Draco was ready for Hogwarts, Harry would be. It was strange to think of the toddler ever being old enough for that. He shook such thoughts and then went on. “Is she doing well?”

“Quite,” Lucius replied with a nod and a cool smile. “She's bothering me for another baby.”

Severus lifted a brow. “So soon?”

“Apparently, she found pregnancy to be an uplifting and extraordinary experience.”

He snorted and Severus gave a wry smirk.

“Have you thought of it? It _would_ give you the traditional 'heir and a spare'.”

Lucius snorted again. “I have thought. I shall continue to think. Perhaps I will reach a conclusion before she forgets the notion.”

“Somehow, I think she'll outlast you,” Severus remarked with another smirk. Lucius returned it and they found themselves in one of the smaller libraries.

“I can think of only a few who hold that talent,” Lucius murmured and Severus didn't quite see the way his eyes changed before he had Severus up against him and had closed his mouth over his. Severus stiffened with a blink and grabbed Lucius' shoulders, shoving him back.

“Lucius!”

The blond gave him a bewildered look. “What on earth is the matter?”

Severus just stared at him. Six or seven months without the man accosting him in the least and then suddenly this? He realized he should have expected it. Lucius was never a creature to give up his toys, even if he forgot them for a while.

“...You...” Severus frowned faintly but Lucius seemed to realize something himself.

“Found someone, have you?” he asked quietly.

“I... In a manner...”

“Does she treat you well?”

Severus lifted his gaze back to Lucius' face, trying to read him, but he wasn't sure at all what Lucius was feeling for once and he'd never felt comfortable delving into the minds of friends without express orders from Dumbledore.

“...Yes,” he said softly. Lucius nodded and then smiled, cool and calm.

“Very good. You'll have to bring her to meet me. I can't let one of _my_ friends be cockled.”

“Excuse me?” Severus said as his brow shot up. “You think I'm so awful at choosing partners?”

Lucius gave him a look. “Severus. Be reasonable. In my experience, the only people you've ever been involved with have fallen for someone else, left you empty and pained, or used you as a plaything.”

Severus was rather sure Lucius had included himself in that statement, but it still made him bristle a bit. As if he were completely incapable of choosing a suitable mate. _Remus_ was suitable. At least he thought so. Severus wavered. What if he were wrong?

“I'll...think about it,” he murmured finally. Lucius smiled.

“Oh good. I'll be quite happy to meet this new woman of yours. After all, with _your_ taste, she must be beautiful.”

Severus grimaced a bit. Well, Remus wasn't exactly- And then he stopped. Oh _shit_. What had he just agreed to?


	8. That Ran With The Spoon

When Severus and Harry got home that evening, Remus wasn't there. Severus felt a stab of anxiety, but kept it controlled as he got a light dinner ready. Harry ended up yawning over his plate and Severus put him to bed early. The boy was asleep before his head touched the pillow.

It was at that moment Severus realized he'd not masked Harry's scar. He swallowed thickly, thinking back to every moment Lucius was near enough to his son to notice, but the blond hadn't given any notion that he'd noticed. Still, a cold dread filled him. Lucius was his friend but neither of them would trust one another with every secret, especially one as bold as this. He would find a reason to crack the blond's mind later. For now, he pulled a light sheet over Harry and went to wait for Remus.

The other werewolf ended up arriving near nine. He blinked with surprise at Severus, sitting in the living room with his hands tightly clenched, then immediately thought the worst.

“Severus? What's happened?”

Severus shook his head faintly as he got up. “Nothing. What kept you so late?”

“Ah... I was speaking with a Realtor,” Remus murmured with a little half smile. “If I'm not staying in my parents' house, someone else should.”

“You're selling it?” Severus blinked. “But.. Don't you want to...”

“Sev, I don't have to keep a house that does nothing but cost me money,” Remus murmured kindly, stepping nearer to draw Severus to him. “And I don't need a place to run to.”

Severus felt a knot of tension loosen. No where to run... Then Remus really _did_ mean to stay. Good.

“So, how was Malfoy?” Remus blinked as Severus gave a heavy sigh. “That well...?”

“Harry got on well with Lucius' son. He'd like to set up regular play dates.”

“...And I understand this to be a _bad_ situation?” Remus asked slowly, a brow lifted.

“Not entirely...” Severus pursed his lips, fingers curling at the small of Remus' back. “He also caught on that I'm involved. And he wants to meet 'her'.”

“Oh, that'd be-” Remus paused. “... _Her?_ ”

Severus winced faintly. “I didn't _mention_ anything distinctly, he just _intuited_ that. And from my usual predilections...”

“He assumed a woman. Ah.” Remus was taking this _very_ calmly. Severus snuck a glance at his face and found it just as calm as his voice, if not a little less serene than usual. Almost boredly casual, Remus continued, “And I assume we're... not correcting him?”

Severus nibbled at the edge of his lip. “I can find reasons to postpone a meeting indefinitely.”

“Mm. But that would arouse his suspicion, wouldn't it? And he's too sly to be tricked by some woman we might get to help.”

“... Well what do you expect we do about this?”

Remus thought about it for a bit. “I think I remember something about a gender reversal potion.”

“It's a complicated business, that potion, and the Ministry-” Severus paused out of his immediate potions mindset and then looked at Remus sharply. “You're not serious.”

“I always wondered what it might be like,” Remus said cheerfully. Severus just stared.

“You honestly... Remus, that's _absurd!_ ”

“You can brew it, can't you?”

“Well of _course_ I can, but-”

“Doesn't it solve our little problem?”

Severus glared at him, face flushed with embarrassment. The idea of brewing such a potion was ridiculous! He knew there was a recipe in one of his books and the ingredients weren't all that expensive as far as he remembered, but _honestly!_

“...It lasts a full day, if I remember,” Severus murmured rather pathetically. Remus snorted.

“I doubt a few extra pounds on my chest will bother me that much.” There was a definite chuckle to his voice as he drew Severus in close and nuzzled his throat. “I'll think of it as a learning experience and take one for the team. Just be _very_ kind to me as repayment.”

Severus flushed deeper, but there was an odd thrill that Remus was willing, and had suggested, this for him. He'd have to make it up to him eventually. Somehow. He wasn't quite sure how that would be managed.

In the morning, Severus sent a letter to Lucius, stating that he and 'Romula' would be honored to have dinner with him whenever it was convenient. Severus nearly beat Remus when he suggested the name. Utter ridiculousness. They'd be found out, of that he was entirely sure. Romula indeed.

Severus brewed the damn potion. He did one batch as Remus played with Harry, then threw it out for a slight variance in color and started again. The second came out all right. He spelled it air tight and set it to age in the cupboard until the time was right. Blasted gender potions. He felt like such a dirty pervert brewing it.

The dinner ended up the next weekend. Severus got Harry ready, being very careful to cover the scar with some of his mother's old concealer and a charm to keep it from being rubbed or sweat away. He felt far more anxious than before, especially with Remus shuffling about the bedroom getting his, Merlin save him, _dress_ on. Remus had insisted with a cheery glee that it _had_ to be a dress. What _else_ did a woman go to a nice dinner in? Not that Severus had seen much 'womanliness' since Remus took the potion and then ducked into the bedroom with some rubbish about not peeking. As if he would!

Harry complained grumpily about his dress clothes, picking at a button here and there before looking at Severus with utter loathing for putting him in it. Actually, that look rather reminded Severus of his godson. Wonderful. The immersion had already begun.

Finally, Remus sauntered his way out of the bedroom with an amused titter. Severus looked up and his face fell. Hell. They were _never_ going to pass.

He didn't, exactly, look like a woman. Actually, he seemed quite half way between. His hair they'd magically lengthened to fall somewhere around his shoulders and Remus had done his best to do something feminine with it but all Severus saw was a brown and gray streaked mop, really. Or, perhaps he was just being unfair. It reminded him of Remus' mother, actually. Remus' jaw was still rather squared though his face was hairless, and his features still a little too hard. His shoulders looked massive above the relatively fitting bust and his hips had only padded in the slightest. Severus did have to admit that the deep blue managed to bring out the vivid gold of Remus eyes and it didn't fit _too_ badly after Remus' minimal tailoring charms here and there. But...

“....I'm owling Lucius. We're not going.”

Remus lifted a brow, then smirked and showed his voice wasn't quite female either. “Oh, no. I'm looking forward to this. _We're going._ ”

“But-”

“Severus.” Remus gave him a Look. “There is precious little time to have fun in our lives. Do take the rod from your arse.”

Severus bristled a little as he picked up Harry, who was _not_ at all sure what to do with this sudden female, but he doubted Lucius would let him out of this anyway. Taking a breath, he didn't quite jump when Remus took his arm with a little snicker

Merlin help him.

They arrived at the manor a few minutes early. A house elf led them up to the house and Lucius greeted them only to pause and give Remus a more intent look. Severus fought to keep the flush off his cheeks.

“Ah, Lucius... Let me introduce you to Romula..”

After a moment, Lucius smiled and held out his hand. “I'm pleased to meet you, madam.”

Remus gave a light titter as he let Lucius take his hand rather daintily for a moment. Severus was horrified that he might kiss that wide hand, but he didn't and instead let go to lead them to the dining room.

“I thought perhaps we might like to dine alone. I'm sure Draco would quite enjoy your young son's company,” Lucius murmured smoothly as they entered the dining room. Severus tried not to wince at the faint gasp Remus drew in. The place was so richly elegant, not quite into gaudy, but wealth shone from every nook and cranny.

“That...Hm.” Severus glanced down at Harry, who was chewing his thumb and staring at a portrait that glared right back at him, lip curling. “...I suppose it would be nice.”

“Of course.” Lucius called for the live in nanny, who showed up quickly and offered Severus a small smile. She took up Harry who immediately stiffened and started to sniffle but the nanny was gone before he could get into actual tears. Severus almost lurched after them to soothe the child, but Remus had a firm grip on his arm.

The three of them sat down and had a light, rather inconsequential conversation over the appetizer. Lucius was very civil, though he seemed to be watching Remus quite closely, and Remus kept cheery and oblivious to it. Severus said very little as the two conversed, or, rather, as Lucius casually interrogated his lover. They spoke about children, Harry's progression with them, Severus' career...

Dinner came finally and Severus thought he might have something to distract himself with, but Lucius wasn't having it.

“Severus, my friend,” he drawled out, resting his head on one elegant hand. “I confess. I'm rather hurt.”

“Excuse me?” Severus murmured in bewilderment.

“Are you honestly taking me for a fool?”

Severus felt cold. His jaw tightened as he stared back at his friend, refusing to incriminate himself. Lucius didn't wait.

“I do applaud you on the farce. How you got your... _charming_ lover in on it, I don't really care to know.” Remus flushed, still grinning somehow. “If you were ashamed of taking a longterm male lover, kindly remove that thought from your head. I don't honestly _care_ what you do in your spare time.”

Severus flushed before he could stop himself. Remus gave a little snicker. “Ah, he's caught us, Severus.”

“Quite.” Lucius still looked bored. Not a good sign. “And there is the matter of a son you call Harry.”

Severus went cold.


	9. Build Me A Castle

Severus felt Remus stiffen at his side but didn't dare look away from Lucius. The blond pure blood shifted in his chair and clasped his hands, resting his head against them. His eyes were cool, lacking even the hint of warmth Severus usually saw within them.

“Severus, you are not a stupid man,” he said quietly. “I cannot fathom how you were suckered into this particular ruse.”

“Lucius-” Severus started but he was cut off.

“Do not even _begin_ to lie to me. You aren't nearly good enough.”

Severus's jaw clenched. “He is my son.”

“And there, my friend, is your first strike. Try again.”

Under the table, Remus reached for his wand. Severus found himself unable to move and unable to look away from Lucius' piercing gaze.

“He _is_ my son,” Severus snarled with sudden force. Lucius lifted a brow.

“Ah. In paperwork, it's a legal enough adoption. There's only one problem.” Lucius set down his hands and smiled coldly. “You aren't Arnold Harrison.”

“I don't know what you're going on about, Lucius,” Severus murmured with a scowl, playing the part of a thoroughly confused friend. “Who is Arnold Harrison?”

“Who indeed?” Lucius was still smiling. Severus wondered how long ago the house defenses had been activated. Lucius was too good at this game to have left them inactive. _Damn it_. He'd thought he had time!

Remus started to shift, as if to get up, but Severus grabbed his wrist under the table to still him.

“Who ever this blasted Arnold Harrison is, he's nothing to do with Harry and I.”

Lucius lifted a brow and Severus mentally cursed. “Yes. _Harry_. Charming name in a...mugglesque way. Rather popular now, since October.”

“I didn't choose the boy's name-”

“But his name _isn't_ Harry, is it? I was rather convinced he was called _Jonathan._ ”

Remus scowled as he cut in. “Be reasonable. _Plenty_ of children are called by their middle name.”

“Then I should take it as pure coincidence that you've taken up the practice?” Lucius smiled coldly. “Oh, Severus. I should think very low of you if that were the case. Calling your son after that of your mudblooded forget-me-not. Rather pathetic.”

Severus's jaw clenched and he nearly drew his wand then. Lucius knew just where to strike. Where it hurt the most.

“Now then,” Lucius murmured with that same cold smile. “Much as I've enjoyed the company of your... _lovely_ companion, Severus, I think it's time for us to have a chat to ourselves.”

Remus stiffened and almost growled but Severus' hand tightened around his wrist. With a flick of his hand, Lucius summoned up a house elf.

“Please lead... _Miss_ Romula to the nursery.”

Severus let go and Remus got up. He didn't seem to know what to do at that moment, eyes flickering between Lucius and his lover. Severus shot him a narrow look and Remus finally went after the house elf, glancing over his shoulder along the way. Lucius watched him go and as the door shut behind him, settled his gaze back onto Severus.

“Much better. Whatever he may look like as a man, that was one eye-sore of a woman,” he murmured with a lifted brow. “I'd thought better of your skills.”

“I'd planned on never introducing the two of you,” Severus admitted quietly.

“Mm, yes. You _are_ rather protective of your privacy. I am curious, however. Back before, when this mess between us started. Is that him?”

Severus stayed quiet. After a moment, Lucius smiled.

“You _are_ one to hold out, aren't you?” He snorted faintly, then rested his hands on the table, still clasped. The amusement dropped from his face. “Severus, I'm going to be rather frank with you. I know who that boy is.”

“Johnathan Harold Snape.”

“Oh, I'm quite aware of your ruse, Severus,” Lucius murmured. “I don't know how, exactly, you were chosen as the Potter boy's guardian nor does that lack of knowledge particularly bother me.”

“What do you want?” Severus edged out, jaw clenched tightly. Lucius glanced at him.

“That depends entirely on how you answer my questions.”

Severus' hand curled tight in his lap as he stared back at the pure blood. “I don't enjoy playing games with you. Too often, you win.”

“Quite, as it should be.” Lucius leaned back in his chair again. “Why did you take guardianship of the boy?”

“I'm his father-”

Lucius' hands slammed onto the table as he jerked up to stand, glaring at him. “ _Enough with the lies!_ ”

Severus sucked in a quick breath, wand in hand. After a moment, Lucius calmed visibly but didn't sit.

“I am not _stupid_ , Severus. I know that boy is Harry Potter! I know what you have done. Who you have _betrayed_.”

“He is _dead!_ ” Severus roared back at him. An instant later, Lucius was at his side, hands curled in the front of Severus' robes as he jerked him from his chair.

“And you think _that_ gives you _any_ right to betray your brothers?!” he hissed in his face. “ _He_ is not the only dark wizard with the makings of a Dark Lord, Severus! _He_ is not the only one who would seek that child out to make a name for himself. _He_ is not your only danger!”

“Are you telling me this because you give a damn about _my_ safety, or because _you're_ scared?” Severus murmured so softly, he barely heard himself. Lucius stared at him, nostrils flaring with anger. Severus reached up and clasped his upper arms. “Are you so afraid of one _two year old child?_ Do you honestly think he is of _any_ danger to you?”

“That is not the point-”

“It's entirely the point,” Severus stressed as he felt Lucius' hands loosen slightly. “Lucius, whoever, _whatever_ that boy was is changed. He is my son. I won't let anyone, not even you, take him from me. I cannot fathom what he may someday become, what he may someday _do_. That matters very little to me. What does matter is that he is here now and he needs me.”

Lucius grit his teeth and let go, shoving him back a few paces. “And with this, you're turning your back on the rest of us?”

“Isn't that what you did to escape Azkaban?” Severus shot back with quiet coldness. Lucius' eyes narrowed.

“I know my alliances. I know who I will follow when the time comes,” Lucius hissed. Severus nodded faintly.

“As do I.”

They stood in silence for a long while, staring at one another as if waiting for one to break and change their mind, come to the other side. Neither of them did.

“I should kill you where you stand, Severus.”

“Yes. You likely should. I'm not going to abandon the child who killed him.”

Lucius narrowed his eyes and then looked away, turning his back to him. “Get out and never cross my path again. I won't share what I have learned on respect of our previous friendship, but if one of the others becomes aware, I won't protect you.”

“I can't ask you to.” Severus quietly pressed his chair back to the table. “Good bye, Lucius.”

There was no answer. Severus found Remus and Harry and the three of them left. Harry was upset at having to leave the game he'd been playing but he quieted down eventually. Severus stayed quiet the rest of the evening, caught in his own circling, frightening thoughts. He put Harry to bed when it was time and came out to see Remus looking at him pointedly. Severus sighed faintly and they sat down in the kitchen.

“What are we going to do?” Remus asked. His features were still mutated but would shift back to normal through the night.

Severus rested his head on his clasped hands. “Nothing. He won't reveal us.”

“The hell he won't! That's _Lucius Malfoy!_ ”

“I'm quite aware of who he is,” Severus shot back coolly. Remus scowled. “He said he would not volunteer information. We're safe, for now.”

“Severus, _listen_ to yourself. I know he was your friend, that he-”

“We were never friends.”

Remus cut off, frowning deeper. Severus looked back at him steadily.

“We were lovers, for a time, Remus. Well, that isn't entirely accurate either.” Severus sighed a bit. “We were intimate, little as that truly meant. Friends don't drag one another under the shoe of a madman. Our relationship was always about what we could do for one another.”

“That's even more fragile,” Remus remarked.

“In a way, it's a stronger partnership than _we_ have,” Severus replied and Remus' face pulled with insulted anger. “I would never trust Lucius with my feelings, Remus. He'd use them as a tool. However, I have tools as well. He knows that. He won't betray me unless it benefits him more than keeping his secrets.”

“That day will come, Severus.” Remus' lips were pressed in a white line.

“I know,” Severus murmured softly as he raked a hand back through his hair. “I've always known.”


	10. And Bring Me A Knight

The week before September came upon them far too quickly. Severus and Remus packed up things and started the move over to Hogwarts. It was during this time that Remus revealed he'd been asked to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts. Apparently, Albus' last teacher had suffered a rather bad nervous breakdown over the summer. Severus found this mildly disconcerting. Hogwarts hadn't had the same DADA teacher twice in a row since he'd started teaching there. Students talked of curses but the teachers were as bewildered as he was. It did make Severus worry slightly for Remus, but the whole thing was such poppycock that he felt rather silly.

Severus and Harry were situated within the dungeons, as usual, but Remus had a room nearer to his own classroom. Dumbledore asked that they be discrete, though he was by no means against their _close friendship_. Severus wondered, idly, if Dumbledore was really that oblivious or just trying to make a joke. Since Harry was upset at the moving and not enjoying the strange new place with weird sounds, Severus didn't find much funny.

The spare room in the dungeons was transformed into Harry's room. The child toddled around it curiously, picking up his toys and taking them to where _he_ wanted them to be, be that under his bed, in the middle of the floor, or elsewhere. Severus sighed a bit. Another habit to break eventually.

The next week was a whirlwind of activity. Severus found his time even more wrapped in things. There were schedules to draw up, ingredients to sort and catalog, orders to send off for later in the year, last minute permissions to get from the ministry for his seventh year classes. He barely had time for all of it while caring for Harry. Dumbledore assigned a house elf specifically to him to help, but it was still extremely taxing and he went to bed exhausted each night with Remus.

He was almost happy when the children arrived and the school year began in earnest, but then he was only busier. Harry rather hated the new arrangement. Molly came for him in the mornings and kept him all day with her children, dropping him back off in the evening. Severus owed her quite a bit more than he'd ever be able to repay, not that she'd allow him to. He _did_ , however, keep her well stocked with healing potions, burn salves, cold medicines, and various other things, which came in handy when one had six sons and an infant daughter.

As it turned out, Molly's oldest, Bill, began at Hogwarts that year. Severus recognized that red hair and freckles during the opening ceremony and found in his classes that the boy, though rather polite, had the attention span of a deranged gnat. He also seemed to be under the misconception that Severus would go easy on him because of his arrangement with the boy's mother. Severus made it very clear this would not be the case and after the first two weeks, Bill settled a bit, though various Slytherin cauldrons near him _did_ have the habit of blowing up or melting.

September flew by quickly. Although they were so very busy, both Severus and Remus made sure they had time to spend together and with Harry each day, often taking dinner in Severus' rooms for it. The boy adapted rather well to the arrangement, though he still fussed every other day or so when Molly came for him. Apparently, he was cultivating quite the friendship with Molly's boys, particularly her youngest, Ronweld or something of the like. Severus still hadn't learned all their bloody names. He only knew the oldest because he had to teach the little wretch.

As October came upon them, Severus noticed that Bill Weasley, who really was too smart for his own good, watched him very closely, especially after the full moon. Severus did what he could to divert the boy's attention, even finding the slightest reasons to assign him detention with Filch or Hagrid, but he seemed completely unwilling to be shaken. It made Severus' skin crawl, not that he ever showed it here the boy could see. He didn't mention anything to Remus, for the other man had far enough to worry about as it is.

Halloween came before he was quite ready to fix the Weasley problem. Severus was only on duty for the second half of the party and Remus managed, somehow, to convince him that bringing Harry out into the party was a good idea. The toddler himself was perplexed by the costume Remus dragged onto him but when Severus picked him up and brought him out, Harry spent the next while fascinated by various decorations and staring at all the strange people.

It was the first time Harry had been around the students. Most of them stopped and stared at the odd sight of their grouchy potions master holding a young child. The other teachers came round to coo and ogle. One gave Harry a red loli that he enjoyed heartily and got all over himself. Even McGonagall took a turn and danced with the toddler against her chest. Harry's high pitched giggle rose above the music here and there.

Remus took over watching him as Severus went on duty, making sure none of the students were up to anything untoward. He ended up finding six couples in various bathrooms and hallways, a few pranksters here and there, and one or two pranked individuals that he was forced to sort out before sending them back to their dorms or the party. Severus returned to his rooms after the last sweep to make sure the students were back in their dorms. He was tired and grouchy, and Remus rubbed the tension from his shoulders once Severus had checked on Harry to soothe his paranoia.

“I'd say this was a good night,” Remus murmured with a faint chuckle as he dug his fingers into Severus' shoulders and back. Severus couldn't help a soft groan. “How many children do you think will have made themselves sick tomorrow?”

“Not enough of them,” Severus muttered and Remus had to snort.

“It's not that bad. If you hated teaching as much as you act, you'd never continue doing it.”

Remus was right but Severus had no intention of letting him know. After an hour or so of pleasant, light hearted banter, they headed back to his bedroom. Severus headed for the shower and finished quickly, handing it over to Remus. As he dried his hair with a fluffy, green towel, Severus stood by the bed and found himself ruminating of what Remus had said before.

He did enjoy teaching. There was a certain satisfaction to beating knowledge into unwilling minds and he had to admit, when he found children who actually _wanted_ to learn, he watched their progress with veiled glee. There was a sixth year that had caught his eye and he had every intention on making sure the girl got every opportunity to further her skill. He'd made sure she would be in his advanced class and was already debating which potions masters he might contact regarding an apprenticeship, much as Slughorn had done for him. He thought perhaps Belby, but he doubted the man would want another student so soon. Still... It was worth thinking about.

But what else was there if he _didn't_ teach? Severus dropped the towel to his hands and thought about that. There was always opening a shop. There was an ingredient shop on Diagon Alley, but no actual brewer, and if not there, he could find other places to lay root. He'd played with the idea of owning a shop before, when he was younger, but now the idea rather appealed to him. It would give him more time with Harry, a more stable environment, and even if Remus continued teaching, they could manage.

Suddenly, someone was behind him, close enough to feel body heat. Severus spooked before there was time to think. He jerked around, hand grabbing for his wand even though he didn't have it on him. He heard a soft sound, his name, and someone grabbed his wrist. Severus felt a lick of panic as a hand came to his face, grabbing his chin.

“Damnit, Severus, _look at me!_ ”

Severus blinked. Remus stared back at him, paled and worried. This hadn't happened in months. Severus let out a shaky breath as Remus sighed softly and let go of him.

“You nearly clocked me that time,” he murmured, a bit morose.

“I-I'm sorry,” Severus stammered in response. “You surprised me.”

Remus gave him a look, lips pursed a bit. “Went away in your head a bit, did you?”

“A bit,” he admitted. Remus shook his head a little.

“Sev, you can't keep doing this.”

“It isn't as if I _mean_ to!”

“No, I don't mean-” Remus gave a frustrated sound. “You need to speak with someone. Professionally. It's not getting better, Severus.”

He felt a flash of embarrassed anger. Severus looked away, brows drawn and jaw tight. He'd had a relatively good day and to spoil it with this... “Not yet.”

“What if it happens with Harry?”

Severus felt a sudden cold. He swallowed thickly and looked back at Remus. “It wouldn't...”

He wasn't really sure. Remus sighed softly and reached out, drawing Severus to him. He tensed at first but then slowly relaxed against Remus' chest, resting his head against his shoulder.

“I'm pushing again,” Remus murmured quietly. “I said I wouldn't and I'm sorry, but... I hate seeing you this way, Severus. I hate knowing you're afraid, that you're suffering.”

Severus' arms gripped round Remus' waist. He hated the fear as well. The nightmares were easy enough to control, but his jumpiness... Remus was right. He needed to do something about this.

Letting Remus tug him into bed, Severus slept curled against his side and lulled by the sound of his heartbeat. Harry, for better or worse, didn't wake in the night for the first time. It left Severus to sift through his nightmares in their full, horrific glory. Remus woke him near dawn and held him as Severus shivered with a cold that permeated his being. They didn't talk about it after Severus stopped shaking. It was close enough to their usual waking time that they got up and dressed for breakfast. Molly arrived to get Harry, who grouched noisily, and then Severus and Remus went on to the Great Hall for their meal. They split ways after and went on with their day.

Bill Weasley was still watching him. Through November, Severus dealt with it as best he could. He found the boy incredibly annoying and the day he got back after the full moon, Severus gave him a full three weeks of detention for not paying attention in class. Not that Weasley's potion had suffered much for his inattention, but it still gave him enough of an excuse. Severus heard a few students grumble over his unfair treatment of Weasley, who was rather popular with his year, but it was all he could think of to try and shake the boy's interest.

As the weeks went on, Severus' paranoia continued to worsen until he was snapping at the smallest things in class, handing out more detentions than he had in the last _year_. McGonagall has the audacity to bring up the subject without tact and Severus coolly informed her that he would do as he pleased in retaining discipline in his classroom, _thank you very much_.

He was grateful for the Christmas break. Only three students stayed behind and thankfully, none of them was Bill Weasley. Severus, Remus, and Harry enjoyed a rather soothing holiday. They spent quite a bit of time out of the dungeons, just wandering the school or playing in the snow. Harry was quite fond of snow, though when he was thoroughly soaked through, he very much enjoyed getting warm again with hot chocolate in Severus or Remus' lap.

Harry's dislike for Remus seemed to have all but disappeared. He'd accepted Remus as staying with them and even babbled to him as he'd always babbled to Severus. Months with Molly had seen a vast improvement in Harry's speech. He spoke in short sentences, getting tenses right about half the time, and his vocabulary had grown with leaps and bounds. Things were far easier when they didn't have to guess what the boy wanted. There were fewer tantrums at home and Molly mentioned that he seemed to have settled well in her household as well.

Christmas day, during the informal dinner party in the Great Hall, Harry called Severus by name for the first time. It was crisp and clear with only the faintest distortion on the 'r' sound. Severus stared at him while Harry looked supremely proud of himself. Then he gave him a cookie and Harry pranced off to go bother McGonagall.

Under the table, Remus took his hand and Severus squeezed it just barely. Farther down the table, the three students were giggling over some rubbish and Dumbledore cracked a joke to Flitwick, but all Severus could think about was how proud he felt over something as simple as Harry saying his name.


	11. Fill Up The Moat

The beginning of January marked the return of the students and the return of damned Bill Weasley. Severus didn't have an idea _what_ the boy's interest was but something told him this wouldn't end well. He was half afraid Weasley had figured out about the lycanthropy, though he didn't know _how_ he'd know the signs when werewolves weren't covered for a few years. It still made him paranoid as hell.

Previous years he taught, Severus was known as the grouchiest, most humorless, toughest teacher this side of McGonagall. With Weasley annoying him so insistently, he was becoming a tyrant in the eyes of every student. It didn't necessarily _bother_ him, for it kept things more under control in class, but as time went on and stories of his unfairness rounded the school, Remus grew increasingly worried for him. And that just annoyed him further.

The first week was pure hell. Bill Weasley popped up at least four or five times each day, generally in places he shouldn't be, just to stare at him with that wondering, suspicious look on his face. Severus grit his teeth, handed out _another_ week of detention to the boy, and nastily informed him that he'd be spending the next Quidditch game in his classroom, cleaning cauldrons instead of watching. Weasley glared at him hotly and stalked off grumbling. As he left, Severus watched him with his lips pursed and wondered what the devil else he could do to get the kid to leave him alone. He was getting increasingly annoyed as the full moon approached and his senses grew closer to the wolf's. Severus had the faintest fear that he might snap. What _was_ it about the boy that bothered him so intrinsically, when dozens of Death Eaters hadn't been able to rattle him so?

One evening, a night before the full moon, Severus and Remus had dinner in his rooms. Harry had been particularly tired out that day at Molly's and while he babbled as usual about anything he could think of, he was notably subdued. Severus put him down to bed early.

“Severus,” Remus called from the bedroom when Severus was done. He glanced at the man with a brow raised but Remus just smiled. “Come on. I'll give you a back rub. You look like you need it.”

That did sound rather wonderful. Severus banished the leavings of dinner back to the kitchens and then joined Remus in the bedroom. Remus helped him with the seeming thousands of buttons and Severus let out a soft sigh of relief when the heavy cloth left his body. Next went his white button up and shoes, and then he laid down on his belly, arms folded under his head. Remus settled next to him on the bed and Severus tensed at first, turning his head so he could see Remus more clearly. There was nothing rational about the way his body went on guard and it took everything he had not to jump when Remus began to knead the tension from his body. It took a while but Severus relaxed slowly under those knowing hands, breathing evening out. Remus was patient and quiet, working slowly over his back until he was certain Severus wouldn't tense again. Severus grew used to that firm touch and was very nearly lulled to sleep.

And then those hands went lower and he was suddenly quite awake. Remus massaged his lower back and buttocks with great care and Severus' heart quickened as he rested his cheek against his arms, eyes closed. He wasn't sure if it were embarrassment or fear that made him suddenly warm but he willed himself to keep calm and nearly let out a relieved sigh when Remus moved on to his legs. After the sudden wake up, however, Severus was finding it difficult to ignore the little flutters that flew through his body at each firm touch. Remus worked back up his body again, paying special attention to his arse again. Severus bit his lip faintly as he realized his cock was definitely growing firm, only to gasp softly as he felt tongue lick a wet trail up his spine.

Remus' lips pressed to his shoulder and he shivered faintly. Severus knew Remus was smiling. He could hear it when the brunette man murmured in a soft, slightly husky tone, “Turn over.”

He didn't want to. Severus' cheeks were flushed and his breathing quick and he'd embarrass himself... But Remus was already easing him gently onto his back and Severus had little choice but to let him. And then Remus' hands were on him again with the same firm, unyielding pressure that made him want to purr under him. He paid special attention to his chest and shoulders, drawing down both arms before moving back to his trunk. His touches became lighter down his belly, more caresses that made Severus shiver and bite his lip. There was no hiding his arousal now, but Remus ignored it. He made his way down his hips and thighs.

“Remus,” Severus murmured, something not quite a whimper. He saw the other man's lips quirk a bit before Remus looked up at him.

“Hm? Do you need something?”

Severus scowled at him with embarrassed arousal. Smile softening, Remus shifted up and rested a hand next to Severus' arm as he leaned over and kissed him softly, drawing him slowly into a deeper lip lock. Severus sighed softly into it, enjoying the languid pace and the taste of Remus' tongue. He didn't even jump when Remus traced a trail down his torso and began on the clasp to his trousers. Relaxed as he was, Severus didn't even notice what Remus was doing until he felt those thick hands easing his hips up and dragging the pants from him along with his unders. He felt the faintest embarrassment for being completely starkers while Remus was still clothed, but Remus soothed him with his gentle touch.

When Remus' mouth left his, Severus didn't bother opening his eyes. He felt Remus kiss slowly down his throat, nipping lightly here or licking there. His fingers traced over Severus' chest to tease and caress as little shivers ran through Severus' body. Biting his lip again, Severus wrapped his arms around the other man, one hand sliding into Remus' short hair as the other pressed flat against his shirt, just between his shoulder blades.

Over half a year since he'd been aroused, Severus didn't think of Avery at all. Remus was so patient and slow, drawing soft gasps and sighs from him as if his body were an instrument to be played. His mouth and fingers drew down his body at a sedate, teasing pace as Severus shivered under him, heat brewing within his belly. He felt soft nips at his belly, muscles fluttering under, then a swath of tongue against his hip. Severus' hand stayed curled in Remus' hair while the other gripped the sheets. He felt as if he were being slowly undone, little by little.

And then there was wet heat surrounding him and he sucked in a ragged breath, mouth falling open as he shuddered hard. Remus worked him just as slowly as before, using his tongue and lips and teeth to shatter him. Severus almost sobbed a moan, shaking under him, but Remus never sped his languid pace. It almost hurt, how hard he was, but Remus' tongue did such amazing things against his hardened flesh and the suction as Remus dragged his head upwards made him tremble and writhe.

“Remus,” he groaned out again, a thready sound that barely seemed his own. Remus gave a quiet hum that only made Severus twitch worse and bite back a louder noise. After that, it seemed all Remus wanted was to make him moan and cry out, his hands slid over his body, drawing little shivers in their own rights, and his mouth seemed to have turned into a hungry thing that ached for him as much as Severus ached. He found himself soon jerking with hard gasps as Remus sucked him dry.

When it was over, Severus laid panting against the sheets and Remus drew up, watching him. Severus stared back at him, feeling rather dazed.

“Happy birthday, Severus,” Remus murmured with a soft, triumphant smile. “I _was_ just going to rub your back and give you the book I found, but you smell so delicious when you want me. I couldn't help myself...”

Severus gave a soft snort. “Horn dog... but it was... hm...”

“It did look like you enjoyed it.” Remus licked his bottom lip as he leaned down to kiss the corner of Severus' lips. “I'm glad...”

It occurred to Severus then that Remus had to have been affected by their lack of sex as well. He'd been so very careful with him, so gentle. Hesitant, Severus realized. Nothing had happened because Remus had been unwilling to initiate while he felt things were so off kilter and Severus hadn't thought to, too caught up in himself and the images in his nightmares. As if Avery could come back if he let his guard down at all.

Severus sighed softly and Remus looked at him, brushing his fingertips over his cheek. “What is it?”

“I... I've been rather neglectful of you, haven't I?”

Remus blinked and then gave a short shake of his head. “I don't feel slighted, Severus. Whatever you're going through, however much time you need to right yourself, I'm can bloody well wait. I love you too much not to.”

Severus took Remus' face in his hands and drew him into a soft, almost chaste kiss. He marveled over the soft warmth and gentleness of the man, even this close to the moon. Remus was always so very good to him.

“I love you,” Severus murmured, barely above a whisper as he let his hands slid along his lover's clothed chest. Remus' eyes softened further.

“Severus, we don't have to do more tonight,” he said gently, pressing another gentle kiss to his lips. “This was for you.”

Severus glanced at him, lifting a brow. “And who says more can't be for me as well?”

Remus snorted and kissed him in earnest as Severus worked his brown robes free and shoved them down Remus' shoulders. His skin felt hot and slightly slick with sweat and his scent was the same comforting musk Severus had grown used to. He broke his mouth free and descended upon Remus's throat, drawing a soft groan as he nibbled the familiar flesh and tasted him.

Remus managed to rid himself of the robes easily enough and then the thin t-shirt under. He lowered himself onto Severus' side only to wrap a hand around Severus' waist and drag them tightly together. Severus shivered faintly as he felt Remus's arousal against his hip. One slim hand trailed down Remus' chest to work on his pants as Severus found a spot on his neck that made him moan.

“Severus...”

Working his pants open, Severus slid a hand inside for his prize and almost purred at the hoarse noise Remus made. It had been too long since he felt that heavy weight in his hand. Severus didn't hesitate, wrapping his fingers firmly as he stroked with purpose. Remus' hips jerked faintly and his hands tightened at Severus' waist, one groping his arse quite nicely.

Severus drank in the quiet whines and shivers. He licked a trail down Remus' chest as his hand continued the delicious pull on his prick, mouth finding those off sensitive spots he'd discovered before to make Remus tremble against him. He felt wet against his palm and only smirked faintly before drawing one dusty nipple between his teeth. Remus gave a groan as he arched into Severus' mouth.

It wasn't long before he was coming, hot spurts between them Severus didn't have the heart to mind. And then they laid, panting softly against one another as Remus pet through Severus' longer hair.

“I think...” Remus began softly, once they'd calmed again, “that I've lost my endurance. Maybe I'm getting old.”

“Don't be daft,” Severus muttered as he nuzzled Remus' throat. He felt rather tired as well. “We're not old.”

“I feel old. What if you leave me for one of those strapping seventh years?”

“Now you're _really_ being daft. I wouldn't dream of it.”

Severus brushed his lips against Remus collar and enjoyed the way the other man shivered faintly. Remus dragged the blanket out from under them and Severus didn't mind too much laying naked in the sheets.

It felt good, falling asleep in a sweaty mess of limbs with Remus' heartbeat soothing against his ear. He felt particularly indulgent... That didn't keep him from getting in a last jab, however.

“...Now, that bosom rich girl manning the pub in Hogsmeade, on the other hand...”

Remus snorted and then they slept.


	12. And Lock Us Up Tight

February was relatively ignored for the most part. Remus had some musings over doing something for Valentine's day but they both ended up having to spend the day bullying students into doing their work, getting rid of various valentines and love potions from the upper years, and then joining McGonagall that evening after classes were over perusing the halls to make sure no students had decided to snog in various classrooms or niches. Thus, they were rather exhausted by the end of it and just went to bed.

The rest of the month, Severus spent continuing to fail to get Bill Weasley off his tail. The boy was absolutely insufferable! Finally, Severus caved and sniped about the boy after he'd put Harry to bed. Remus looked rather surprised.

“He's following you too?”

Severus stared at him. “Then he's-”

They went quiet. _Fuck_. They'd been found out my an eleven year old boy?! How was that even _possible?_ Severus went back to pacing over the rug in front of the hearth. Remus watched him, wringing his hands.

“He... Bill's a good boy. If he has figured it out... I don't think he'll reveal us.”

“Damned if he won't,” Severus shot back, “I've been subjecting that boy to enough detentions he likely will!”

Remus gave him a look. “That really wasn't the best way to handle things, Severus.”

“Don't even _begin_ to lecture me,” Severus growled back. “If Weasley can't pay attention in class, he deserves detention for it.”

“Obviously.”

Eventually, they decided to confront the boy directly. Remus kept him after class the next day, as it was the last for the day, and Severus arrived soon enough. Weasley looked between them with the slightest pallor, which got worse when Severus glared at him.

“Bill, we'd like to talk to you about something,” Remus began diplomatically. Weasley glanced at Severus before shrugging his shoulder.

“Yes, sir?”

“Professor Snape and I have noticed you've been... hm... underfoot,” he continued with that same calm tone. “We would like to know why you seem so interested.”

Weasley shifted from one foot to another, picking at the edge of his shirt here and there. He glanced at both of them fleetingly and then back to his shoes. Severus quickly lost patience.

“Oh, spit it out already, boy! We haven't time to deal with your reluctance!”

Weasley shot him a glare as Remus sighed a bit.

“Bill, you're not in trouble. Please-”

“But Mum said _not_ to tell you!”

Both Remus and Severus blinked in surprise and stared at the boy. Weasley slapped his hands over his mouth with a little groan.

“ _Molly_ put you up to this?” Remus asked with incredulity as Weasley gained a rather helpless look on his face.

“She's going to kill me,” he groaned as his shoulders sagged.

“I have little sympathy for you,” Severus growled, eyes narrow and arms folded tightly. “What exactly did your bloody mother put you up to?”

Weasley kicked the floor a bit. He glanced at Severus and then went back to staring at his feet again. “She said to watch you, sir. Said she wanted to know if you had...um. Had a girlfriend.”

Dear Merlin, _this_ was what the whole thing had been about?! “I will kill that woman, I swear to Merlin.”

Weasley jerked his head up with alarm but Remus set a hand on his shoulder.

“Don't worry, Bill. He doesn't mean that,” he murmured with a soft smile (“The hell I don't,” Severus grumbled.) “Were you watching me for the same reason?”

“Er. Sort of.” Weasley glanced at Severus again, almost afraid to continue. “I... um... I noticed you were... er... that you two...got on well.”

Severus was going to maim Molly weasley. And then hex her to next week. And then eventually kill her, but only after she was begging for it. How _dare_ she send her own damned son to get gossip fodder?

Remus looked rather amused. “Severus and I are very good friends, yes.”

“...Right.” Weasley looked up at him, one brow lifted in a rather impressive look of scepticism. “You know, I'm not a _kid_ , sir. I know about...about _things_.”

Oh, Molly would be screaming for _years_ before he was finished with her. Severus was livid, especially when Remus chuckled faintly.

“I'm sure you do,” he assured Weasley. “Well, do give your mother our best and _please_ , do cease the stalking? It's rather distracting. Assure your mother that Severus _does_ have a good friend and do ask her not to put you up to something like this again.”

“Yes, sir.”

Weasley left and Severus let out a disgusted growl. “That _woman_ -”

“Severus, she's harmless,” Remus replied soothingly, touching his shoulder. “Just a bit of fun, I'd imagine. And she _likes_ you, Severus. She's hoping you get on well with someone.”

“It's still bloody annoying,” Severus grouched. He was supremely unhappy about the attempted invasion into his private life. “As if she has any _right_ -”

Remus sighed a bit. “Come on. Lets get back to your rooms.”

“What if _that_ is what got her started in the first place?” Severus railed as his already stretched paranoia rose up again. “What if she _knows?!_ ”

“Would it matter?” Remus gave him a rather calm look. “Molly's a friend to _both_ of us. Is it really so horrible that she might know about our relationship?”

Severus pursed his lips. “It's dangerous-”

“For _your_ crowd, yes, I'd imagine so.”

“Not just them! Just because we have no problem with buggering men doesn't mean-”

“Severus.” Remus sighed a little with the faintest sense of exasperation. “Stop. I apologize for bringing it up.”

Severus frowned. The victory seemed a bit hollow. He looked away.

“I don't feel comfortable with her wheedling into my private life.”

“ _Our_ private life,” Remus murmured quietly. The correction grated Severus' nerves but he didn't comment on it. After a bit, Remus shook his head a bit. “Come on, then. Molly will be along with Harry in an hour or so.”

They parted ways to clean up their respective classrooms, then met back in Severus' rooms again. Things felt strained and uncomfortable until Molly arrived with Harry and Severus couldn't help dressing her down for sending her son to bother him. Molly laughed it off but did promise not to, at least for now. She gave Remus a cheery look and took her leave as Severus glared after her.

Harry was cheerful enough, even if somewhat bothered by Severus' poor mood. They had a relatively nice evening, even with how uncomfortable things felt. Severus tried not to think about it. Once Harry was down and they'd spent enough time quietly strained, the two wizards headed to bed. Remus washed up first and then Severus. When he came out again, Remus sat on his side of the bed, hands resting in his lap. Damn it. They were going to talk.

“I want to be open with our relationship, Severus,” Remus said quietly, watching him. Severus frowned and didn't move to join him.

“We can't. It's too dangerous.”

“Why? Because a few strewn Death Eaters might get uncomfortably tight in their knickers?” Remus rolled his eyes. “I don't mean like that anyway. Surely, it would be safe for _Albus_ to know? Or Minerva?”

Severus felt his stomach drop at the idea of confessing to _either_ of them. Not that he thought either would be disgusted with them, but... Honestly, did they _have_ to spell it out like Remus was describing?

“Are you ashamed of being with me, Severus?”

He sucked in a sudden gasp, glaring at Remus with quick anger. “What the _hell_ did you just ask me?”

Remus frowned in response. “What do you expect me to think?”

Severus was very tempted to throw him out for that. Instead, he simply glared at him coldly. Remus watched him a bit then sighed, raking a hand back through his hair.

“Don't look at me like that, Sev,” he murmured softly. “I just... Hell, I don't know. Forget about it.”

Severus was rather sure he wouldn't be able to. He stood stiffly where he was for a long few minutes, watching as Remus shifted under the covers and laid down. Finally, Severus joined him in bed, curling on his side.

Open with their relationship? To be honest, it frightened him. He could remember vividly his father's opinions on homosexuals and those of his fellow Slytherins. He could remember his classmate Avery's disgust with the very idea and Rosier's similar fears of being found out.

And what would it mean for Harry? At the moment, he was too young to care, but someday, he'd be in school, around other children who might very well be as bigoted and dangerous as his own generation. No. He couldn't subject Harry to that.

Someday, perhaps he'd be able to let Remus have that. If they lasted that long. If the world was safe.

Severus stared at Remus' back, feeling quite bereft at not sleeping against him. He sighed softly and scooted a little closer. One hand reached out but he pulled back before he could touch the other man. Closing his eyes, Severus tried to figure out someway to fix this, to soothe Remus' obvious hurt feelings but little came to him. Hopefully, the morning would bring something.


	13. You'll Be The Queen

Things still weren't well between Remus and Severus by the time Remus' birthday rolled around. Severus found him an assortment of fine chocolates and made dinner himself. Remus smiled and accepted both rather graciously, but dinner was awkward and the chocolates relatively untouched. Severus didn't know what to do.

Early April, Molly returned a very upset Harry to him. Apparently, in a fit of raged, uncontrolled magic, one of her twins had managed to transfigure another child's teddy into a spider and spooked a good half of the kids, Harry included. The toddler was still hiccuping and red faced as Severus took him and he clung to Severus' throat like a lifeline. Molly left and Severus and Remus spent the next hour or so calming Harry down enough that he'd be able to rest.

For the first time in a good few months, Harry woke Severus in the middle of the night, crying from a nightmare. Severus went to him and soothed the poor child the best he could, assuring him that the fuzzy, leggy things weren't going to come for him and he was safe and sound and yes, Severus would blast them away much better than Molly Weasley had so there was really no worry at all and no, his bedraggled teddy would _not_ suddenly turn into a monster and it was safe too. Harry still looked at the bear suspiciously until Severus pretended to cast a spell on it to make sure, once and for all, that it wouldn't change. But then, of course, Harry decided his bed might change too and no amount of pretend magic would soothe him. Severus finally picked the boy up and took him to his own bed, nestled between he and Remus. There, finally, the boy slept and Severus vowed to do something very, very nasty to Molly in return for the trouble.

Things grew busier as the school year approached its end. There were fifth and seventh years to ready for their OWLs and NEWTs respectively, and the rest for their usual end exams. That meant more time spent tutoring students, getting extra assignments graded, new ones planned, and more work than they really cared to do. It also meant less time to spend with Harry and the nearly three-year-old boy was notably unhappy about that. He acted up when the schedule changed and he spent more time at the Weasley's, but settled after the first week or so when no one yielded to him. Besides, Severus was very attentive to him during the time they spent in the evenings and mornings, which soothed him quite a bit.

Finally, the exams came and went. Severus and Remus received lists of OWL scores so they could choose their advanced students and knew who would need tutoring in the next year. Severus dealt with various seventh years who he'd either arranged apprenticeships already for or those who had other recommendations. A few were going directly in as apprentice potions makers at St. Mungos or various other hospitals, beauty parlors, and shops. There were quite a few letters to write. Remus was similarly busy, but seemed more grave for most of the advanced students he handled were going in for Auror training. Brutal as it was, he couldn't help worrying and Severus did his best to keep the evenings peaceful.

Then, school was over and left them with a few months to rest, recuperate, and, perhaps, time for Severus to mend things between he and Remus. They moved back to Spinner's End and settled. Harry only half remembered the place, exploring it all over again. He didn't quite understand why they couldn't stay at the castle, but when Severus explained that he wouldn't be going to the Weasley's every day and would, instead, stay with him, Harry looked overjoyed. He was quite fond of his Severus.

With two men raising him, Severus had thought it best if Harry grew up referring to them by name. He was also leery of being called 'father' or any derivative. It felt... wrong. As if he were trying to steal something that belonged to another. Remus had tried to convince him otherwise, that Severus really _was_ Harry's father in the relative sense of things, but Severus couldn't make it right with himself. Harry didn't seem to notice the difference, anyway. He found nothing wrong at all with calling them by name. Although he still had vague trouble with the 'r' of their names, his speech was getting better and better. Lily's son was intelligent enough to make up for the Dursley's less than nurturing attitudes.

They settled into a rather calm routine, going through meals and play times easily. Two weeks into summer was a full moon, so Severus took Harry over to the Weasley's and saw first hand how friendly he was with the youngest redhead. He finally learned the boy's name, Ronald, and supposed if Harry had to befriend a Weasley, at least it meant when he started Hogwarts, he wouldn't be alone. Well, perhaps, anyway. Severus doubted any Weasley would ever be sorted into Slytherin, but perhaps a lasting friendship would survive differences of house. He had every notion that a child raised by him would be Slytherin by default.

The transformation was hard. Severus twisted with pain and whined along side Remus and thought he might actually twist to pieces this time. He didn't and after what felt like hours, two wolves stood where men had been. Vaguely, not-quite-Severus wondered if he could improve Belby's potion and perhaps make things less painful.

As the night went on, not-quite-Remus looked up and made a quiet whine at the spell locked and chained door. The other wolf came to his side and scented it. A human, nearby and somehow familiar. Not-quite-Severus couldn't figure out just who it was and why he felt sudden fear. The scent grew older, the human having left. It still bothered him.

As soon as morning hit, Severus didn't let himself fall asleep before the transformation, as had become his custom. He felt every moment of it, the burning, horrifying pain, and was left shaking on the ground as soft, pained keens left his throat. Remus was much the same. He was generally awake through it, some instinct of being a pack leader and needing to make sure the rest of the pack survived it. As soon as he could, Severus got up and dressed. He felt exhausted and shaky but he had to find out who had been outside.

“Stay here,” he told Remus as the man dressed. “I'm going to check the house.”

“I'm coming with you,” Remus replied stubbornly.

“Don't make me stupify you.” Severus was deadly serious. “Stay here.”

He left the shed before Remus could stop him and locked it back after him. He knew there wasn't much time. Remus would figure a way out soon enough. Severus moved slowly to the house. The scent was there again, minutes old and so dangerously familiar. He followed it into the house, wand ready. If it were a Death Eater... The house was supremely warded from anyone seeking to hurt either Severus or Harry, but that didn't mean someone wanting Severus to do something would be blocked out.

It stunned him when he reached the living room and found Lucius Malfoy standing there waiting. He stiffened and then frowned, especially when he saw how pale the man looked. Lucius had lost sleep, quite a bit by the looks of it, and he had strain in his gaze when he turned toward him.

“Severus,” he greeted quietly.

Severus lowered his wand but didn't put it away or move closer. “Lucius.”

“I... apologize for the unexpected visit.”

“Were you here last night?”

“Yes.”

The silence stretched between them. Severus hand tightened on his wand as Lucius continued to stare at him wearily. There was knowledge in those gray eyes, a knowledge that terrified him. Severus could smell faint fear along with exhaustion.

“What do you want?” he asked finally. Lucius' shoulders sagged just barely.

“Draco. He's very ill. We've gone to St. Mungo's, called in doctors from the mainland...One of them recommended a particular potion but the hospitals don't stock it and we've found no one skilled enough that will... That will assist us.”

That would help an accused Death Eater. Severus sighed and reached up to rub his temples. “Do you have the name?”

“Yes.”

“Reimburse me for the ingredients.”

Lucius looked a little surprised and then pensive. “...I've seen the list of ingredients. Can you... what I heard last night...”

“I'm sure you've already decided what that means,” Severus murmured coolly, frowning. He needed rest and a pain relieving potion, soon. He was rather sure his body was shaking. “Do you want my help or not?”

“Yes.” Lucius didn't have to think about it. He may have little love for his wife, but he _was_ a good father and loved his son more than his own life.

They spoke a little further about the potion. It _was_ difficult and he'd need a good five days to dedicate to it, but Severus was confident. Lucius left only after he'd stuffed more galleons into Severus' hands than he really needed. He sighed and slipped the coins into his robes.

Remus stepped out from the hall. “You're going to help him? After he threatened us and Harry?”

“Yes.” Severus glanced at him wearily. “Draco is my godson. Whatever is between Lucius and I, it doesn't affect my duties to him.”

“Severus, that man is _dangerous!_ ” Remus came closer, taking Severus' face in his hands. “I know you care about Draco, but think about this. Malfoy can find another-”

“He knows what we are. What _I_ am, at least.”

Remus grew pale. He hadn't heard that part. Severus sighed a little.

“Even if he didn't, he has more to blackmail me than anyone else, excluding Albus,” he continued. “I _have_ to do this and he knows it. The fact that he asked was a courtesy he didn't have to extend.”

“Damn it,” Remus muttered, jaws clenched. “I hate this. I hate-”

“Remus. Much as I appreciate your ire at my position, I'm exhausted. Can we go to bed now?”

There wasn't an argument, but Remus watched him with more caution as they took pain relieving potions and went to bed. Severus was too tired and weary to care. They slept late into the day, then woke and ate, retrieving Harry after. The boy had enjoyed his sleep over, but he was happy to be home again to eagerly tell Remus and Severus all about his night. He'd decided Charley, whichever of the redheads _that_ was, was his hero after he taught Harry how to play checkers and even let him win once.

The next day, Severus left to get supplies for Lucius' bloody potion. He returned and sealed off the guest room to brew in for the fumes could be dangerous. There was silver in the potion and though Severus knew how to protect himself, he still feared the fumes escaping. The room was thoroughly warded and spelled before he dared to start. After that, he came out only for a meal or two, when he could leave the simmering concoction. He barely slept, despite Remus trying to take his place for a few hours so he could rest. The potion was too delicate and Severus knew Remus didn't have the skill to know if he'd botched it. Thus, he worked alone, almost constantly, and took various alertness potions to keep himself awake and aware.

When it was finished, Severus bottled it carefully and set immediately to the Malfoy home. Lucius was there to meet him and they hurried to Draco's room. Narcissa sat at the boy's bedside, holding his small hand. Draco was asleep, his breathing forced and loud, skin deathly pale. His white-blond hair looked colorless and limp against the pillow. Severus hated seeing the child that way. When he came in, Narcissa rose, looking at him beseechingly. Her pretty face was marred with tears and redness.

Severus handed one vial to her. “Half of this in the morning and again at night. No sugar or anything else. No food an hour before or after. It should be effective within a day.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, eyes growing wet again as she took it. She gently woke Draco, who was groggy and whiny from exhaustion and Severus watched her administer the first dose before fainting.


	14. And I'll Be The King

Severus woke up in a Malfoy guest room. He sat up slowly, head pounding and body aching. He knew he'd pushed himself, but this felt worse than that. He could taste some kind of purging potion and wondered vaguely why someone had decided he needed it. Glancing down at himself, he found his robes were gone and instead replaced with a loose white night shirt that felt too thin to his feverish body. When he tried to get up from the bed, his legs went out from under him and he found himself crumpled beside the bed, wheezing with short, pained breaths.

Severus lifted a shaky hand and stared. His skin looked motley and red with patches of ashy pale here and there. Swallowing thickly, he tried to think of what could have caused that, especially when it showed on his other hand and the rest of his body, but his mind was sluggish. Somehow, he managed to pull himself back onto the bed and laid shaking, curled up on the sheets as he panted. He felt so weak, weaker than even the transformation made him. At random, his heart would start to pound and his vision would blur out. He'd wake up at some point later, perhaps minutes or hours, he wasn't sure.

Lucius came to him as night fell. He looked vaguely surprised to see Severus awake but covered it soon enough. He drew a chair close to the bed and sat down, hands clasped in his lap.

“You said you could brew it safely,” he blurted. Severus stared at him without understanding and Lucius scowled. “The mediwitch said it was silver poisoning. You nearly died two nights ago.”

Severus swallowed thickly. His throat felt rough and burned. “How...how long was I out...?.”

“Four days. I thought it best not move you when I noticed the blisters on your hands.”

Blisters? Severus hadn't noticed any blisters, but then again, by the time he'd finished he was so exhausted he hadn't noticed much at all. He closed his eyes, sighing softly.

“That was reckless.”

Severus looked at him again, frowning. “What choice did I have?”

“You could have said no.”

“You'd have let me?”

Silence. Lucius continued to stare at him with unease. After a while, Severus relented. “How is Draco?”

“Getting better. He'll be weak for another few days yet, but he's better each day.”

Severus felt a knot of tension ease up. “Good...”

Lucius watched him. His lips were pressed into a hard line and he seemed to be mentally chewing over something very difficult and profound. Severus wasn't sure he wanted to know, but he doubted Lucius would keep it to himself.

He proved correct.

“How long?”

Severus thought about what he was really asking before he answered. “Five and a half years.”

“Why didn't you _tell_ me?” Lucius growled and Severus realized with a jolt that he sounded almost _hurt_. But nothing hurt Lucius Malfoy.

“I didn't tell _anyone_ ,” Severus replied quietly. “I'm not even registered.”

Lucius still glared at him. He got up, pacing the short length of the bed a few times before turning on him again. “That lover of yours. Is he-”

“No.” The lie came easily and Severus didn't feel guilt for it at all. Instead, he was simply relieved that Lucius didn't know the truth, nor had he decided to really look into who the said lover was. “He's not been contaminated. We're very careful and the Wolfsbane potion keeps me safe.”

There was a faint tension in Lucius' shoulders as he went back to pacing again. Severus wondered what on earth was so bothersome when Lucius had already thrown him away once.

“I should reveal you or kill you right now. Damn it, Severus, can _nothing_ be simple with you?”

“I strive to complicate your life purposefully,” Severus murmured with a roll of his eyes that made his head swim with pain. He grit his teeth, curling tighter in on himself. When his vision cleared again, he looked towards Lucius, who was watching him tensely. “Why did you help me?”

“I wonder that myself,” Lucius admitted. After a moment, he added, “The mediwitch. I obliviated her. She doesn't know who you are or that she came here.”

Severus nodded, somewhat touched at the thought, though he wasn't all that comfortable with someone losing a memory just for his sake. It still didn't explain why Lucius had bothered. Severus painfully pushed himself up to sit.

“Lucius. What do you want from me?”

The blond noble ceased his pacing. He stood still, staring off with his hands clasped behind his back.

“We were friends once,” Lucius began quietly. “Now... It would be rather damaging to associate with you.”

“Must think of one's reputation,” Severus murmured dryly. Lucius went on as if he hadn't heard him.

“We're both Slytherins. As such, we are a minority in this world and should look out for one another. You _do_ remember the first rule of Slytherin?”

Severus snorted. That hollow thing. “'Slytherins are united against all others.' You know that's rubbish. The only reason our house associates with one another is for power plays and blood ties, and the fact that no one else will trust us.”

“Perhaps,” Lucius granted, though his lips twitched unhappily.

“Don't try to make me believe you kept me alive for some house unity bunk.” Severus scowled at him. “I'm not a stupid child that worships the ground under your feet anymore.”

Lucius snorted faintly. “No. But there is a certain notion within me to keep my allies alive. Even if they've become... unsavory.”

A lovely way to put it. Severus idly thought he should be angry but instead, he was just tired.

“You still have use for me.”

“Yes.” At least Lucius was man enough to admit it.

Severus sighed. “Very well. It isn't as though I could deny you. With all these secrets of mine you're hoarding away, you could destroy everything I am.”

“Quite.” Lucius wasn't bothered by the notion but it did at least make him return to his chair. “Actually, there _is_ something I want from you.”

“I'd wondered how long it would take you to spill,” Severus murmured with a short shake of his head.

“A mutual acquaintance of ours is recently in need of a teacher,” Lucius murmured with near boredom now that the almost painfully honest exchange between them was over and he no longer had to _feel_. “One familiar with the dark arts and, more particularly, dark creatures. Had I know of your... particular affliction, I would have contacted you earlier. You always _were_ rather interested in the darker side of things.”

Severus frowned. “I'm already teaching idiots who don't appreciate anything. Why on earth would I want to go somewhere else and do the same?”

“It's not about want,” Lucius replied with an idle tone as he glanced at his nails. “I'm afraid this will be a _requirement_. Think of it as punishment for being so stupidly reckless and endangering yourself.”

“For your _son_.”

Lucius didn't reply. Severus grit his teeth. Damn it. He'd finally seemed to settle into Hogwarts, develop a good report with most of the other teachers, despite the fact that all of them were at least fifteen to twenty years older than him, and now Lucius wanted him to _leave?_

“Who is it?”

“Mm, one Igor Karkaroff. He's Headmaster at Durmstrang now, if you didn't hear.”

Severus scowled. “Why in hell's name would you want to help a bloody informer like him?”

“Why not?” Lucius smiled coolly. “Networking, my dear Severus, is never a bad idea. Besides, it would be good to have something over that rat.”

This was more expected behavior than before, when Lucius had seemed almost open and pained. Severus felt more comfortable, even if his stomach was churning at the idea of being at the blond's beck and call. He had to do it, he knew, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

“Teaching at Durmstrang.” Severus sighed, rubbing his head. “I'll have to learn German.”

“Hm. That shouldn't be _too_ difficult for a man like you. And you have the rest of the summer, don't you?”

Severus shot him a dirty look. If he didn't know he'd likely killed if he tried, he would be sorely tempted to bash the man's brains out with his bear hands. Of course Lucius would do something like this. Anything to gain an edge on someone, even one as idiotic and useless as Igor Karkaroff.

“I'm tempted to say something unbecoming,” he grumbled. Lucius snorted.

“Oh, I think there's something you'll be far less happy for,” the blond murmured, glancing at his nails. Severus glared at him.

“Hm. I'm not sure I want to tell you when you look at me like that. Honestly, Severus. I'd like to think we're still _friends_. That you can _trust_ me.”

“Not a bloody chance.”

Lucius arched a brow. “Well. It isn't as if it will bother you _too_ much. I doubt you're all that serious with that boyfriend of yours anyway since no one seems to know who he is. A muggle, maybe?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Why... Durmstrang has a very strict policy on employee etiquette, I'm afraid. You'll have to leave the boy-toy at home. Headmaster Karkaroff would definitely _not_ approve of you... _unsuitable_ liaison.”

Severus' stomach dropped and he felt as if he'd been kicked in the gut. “You want me to...?”

“I'm afraid there's no 'want' about it, Severus. This is a requirement.”

 _Damn it._


	15. And We'll Rule Here

It was another day before Severus had recovered enough strength to leave. Blessedly, Lucius hadn't come again to torment him again. The only reason Severus hadn't taken any of this personally was that he knew Lucius and he knew the man would use _anything_ to his advantage. He'd been born and bred to do it, just like his father, and no doubt, his son would be the same way. It still angered and sickened him.

A house elf brought his freshly laundered robes. He dressed with a faint shake in his hands and winced as the harsh cloth brushed against still sensitive and healing skin. It would be weeks before he was normal again. In the meantime, he'd need daily potions but those he'd brew himself. Traces of silver still lingered in his system, slowly poisoning him until he could manage to be rid of them. The potions would help but it'd be far slower than he liked. Another potion to improve.

Severus took the Knight Bus, much as he'd liked to avoid it. He didn't trust himself apparating. A few people looked at him oddly, noting his tired face, unhealthy pallor, and the lingering patches of reddened skin along his throat and cheeks, but none of them said anything to him. The day had only just begun when he arrived on Spinner's End. Severus stumbled a bit when he left the bus but righted himself before he could tumble with clumsy weakness to the pavement. He heard a titter and a worried word, but ignored the both of them and instead started back towards his home.

Shivering as he felt the wards flow through him, Severus then went to his door and entered with a quiet alohamora. The house was silent and still at the early hour. Severus closed the door behind himself, locking it again. He took in the familiar scents, relaxing unconsciously now that he was back in his own territory. Had it really been six days since he set foot at home? He sighed softly and made his shaky way towards his bedroom. Before he could touch the knob, the door was jerked back and a wand pressed between his eyes. Severus blinked, staring past the wand to his lover's face.

“Severus?” Remus asked softly, barely above a whisper. His eyes were wide and darkly rimmed from sleeplessness, face pale. He quickly drew back his and and then threw his arms around Severus, drawing him in tight. Though he wanted to return it, all Severus could do was wince and hiss faintly as various hurts burned through him.

“R-Remus...” he gasped out. The other man immediately let him go, paling further when he saw the pain etched on Severus' face.

“What happened? Where _were_ you?! We've been looking everywhere and- Merlin, Severus, you look awful...” Remus reached to touch his face but drew back, half terrified he'd hurt him more. “Did _Malfoy_ do this?!”

“As much as I'd love to indicate him, no. This was purely my folly.” Severus closed his eyes, grabbing Remus' shoulder as a wave of dizziness came over him. “...Remus. We'll talk later. Right now, I just want to get some rest in my own bed.”

There was so much they'd have to talk about... Severus wasn't sure if he really could. But Remus didn't press. He nodded and led Severus to bed, helping to disrobe him rather sweetly, and then laid with him. Severus ignored the way Remus hesitated to touch him directly and how his eyes traced over patches of irritated and bruised skin here and there. Instead, he rested his head on Remus' chest and listened to his lover's heartbeat. He wanted to memorize it, that sound of life. Especially if...

He wasn't going to think about it. Not now.

Severus woke at some point later alone in his bed. He heard Remus speaking in a quiet tone and then Harry returning, sounding worried and a bit whiny. Yawning, he sat up and both went quiet. Severus glanced over them as he raked a hand through his hair. Harry perked up, seeing him up, and ran past Remus to climb up on the bed with a happy shout.

“Sevwus!” he called, crawling into his lap immediately to throw his arms around his neck. Severus winced faintly, but dropped his arms around the boy. “You wewe _gone_. Good west?”

“Ah...” Rest? Severus glanced at Remus over him and the other man shrugged faintly, looking a bit sheepish. Ah, made an excuse for him so that Harry wouldn't worry. “Yes, Harry. I had a good rest, but I'll need to keep resting a little longer. This time at home.”

Harry looked at him a bit worriedly, touching Severus' face. “Sweep wots.”

“Don't worry. I have every intention to. Now run along with Remus. Is it time to eat?”

The mention of food, as always, made Harry light up. He scrambled off Severus' lap and the bed, running back to Remus, who gave Severus a worried look before he took Harry out again. Severus laid back down, covering his eyes. Now that he was awake, there wouldn't be any sleeping just yet. Now his thoughts came quiet but treasonous.

What was he going to do? He'd have to take the position at Durmstrang, that was clear. It wasn't as if he could kill Lucius to clear himself out of this. The idea made him queasy and that left Draco fatherless. Severus wasn't about to do that to him, even if Lucius was being a slimy, good for nothing _bastard_. He supposed it was Lucius' way of thanking him, in some round about way. That did sound like him, much as Severus loathed the whole deal.

There was Harry to think of. Severus would take Harry with him, of course, to Germany. He knew the Durmstrang school was either in the country or nearby enough to count. No doubt, Lucius would send him information on the closest apparition point soon enough, the helpful sodding bastard. Harry would adjust well enough. Severus didn't relish in returning to the cold. By Merlin, he hated cold. New coats, which he could just barely afford, he figured.

And that left... Remus. Truthfully, he could have dealt with all of the rest easily and with only a little grumbling. But leaving Remus behind...? He didn't think he could. The sheer force of what he felt for Remus rather scared him at times, but he didn't think he could survive back alone. It seemed a shallow existence, really. Even if they fought, even if Remus pushed and prodded, Severus couldn't imagine not being with him.

Remus must have put Harry down for the afternoon nap because he came in alone with a tray for lunch. Severus sat up, crossing his legs under the blankets. Remus set down the tray and sat across from him. Lunch was a simple affair and Severus felt rather touched that Remus had found things to be easy on his stomach.

“What happened?” Remus asked, once Severus had eaten his fill.

“I didn't contain the silver fumes well enough,” Severus admitted quietly. “By the time I got to Lucius', I was well poisoned.”

Remus pursed his lips. “You spell locked that room. I _still_ haven't been able to get in.”

“That was the point.” Severus rested his hands in his lap. “Lucius called a mediwitch. I was unconscious for four days but I managed to leave early this morning.”

“You're not better yet.”

“No. It will be a few weeks before I'm completely healthy again.”

Remus didn't look happy about that. “Don't endanger yourself like that again. Okay?”

“You know I can't promise that.” Severus gave him a steady look. “We never know when I might have to risk myself.”

“It's not just about you anymore,” Remus snapped back with a scowl. “There's Harry to think of. There's _me_.”

“Yes. I know.” Yes. And that was one of his biggest problems, wasn't it? Severus sighed a little, reaching up to rub his head. Damn it. He couldn't muster up the will to tell Remus about Durmstrang just yet. When he felt better. When his skin ceased itching and body ceased aching. He'd do it then.

Severus looked up into Remus' worried face. He shifted onto his knees, resting one hand on the tray, then leaned over to brush his lips tenderly to his lover's. “I'll be all right. And I won't risk myself unnecessarily.”

Much. But Remus nodded a little. He still looked morose but somewhat comforted.

“Good. Harry and I would hate to lose you.” Remus got up, taking the tray with him as Severus settled again. “I sent a message to Dumbledore saying you'd come home. I need to give him a better update. No doubt, he'll have Poppy come and take a look at you.”

“Hm. I suppose I deserve it.”

“You _definitely_ deserve it.”

With that, Remus left and Severus sat back against the head board. Damn it. He didn't want to lose this. Damn, damn, _damn_.

Pomfrey did indeed visit. She checked him over and was _very_ disappointed in how he'd cared for himself, leaving a few potions she wanted him to take and forbidding him from brewing for a week at least, preferably two. And then Dumbledore came in to visit him. Severus wasn't sure where he stood with Dumbledore at the best of times. Seeing the man now, when he wasn't at his best, left Severus nervy and anxious. He unconsciously reinforced his mental barriers.

“Dear Severus, you gave us _quite_ a scare,” the old man murmured as he conjured a chair for the bedside.

“Apologies,” Severus muttered, but he didn't think Dumbledore really cared about that. Indeed, as soon as the first polite words were out of the way and Dumbledore was well settled, he began their conversation in earnest.

Severus told him about the potion he'd brewed and Draco's condition. He mentioned his poisoning and how his old friend Lucius had taken care of him. The rest he kept to himself, little as that did.

“A rather eventful adventure, it sounds like,” Dumbledore murmured without amusement.

“A bit.”

The old man drew a candy from his pocket and fiddled with unwrapping it. “Something tells me, however, that there is more.”

“Only personal business,” Severus replied coolly. He stayed relax, kept up his mental defenses. He didn't think Dumbledore would invade him without a good reason, but who knew what a good reason would be to a man who aged over a hundred and thirty?

“Is it, now?” Dumbledore looked at him, his blue eyes harder than usual and without their twinkle. “Are you sure there isn't anything you'd like to tell me, dear boy?”

Severus thought about it. He almost spilled then in full, but something kept him from doing so. Instead, he simply sighed softly. “One thing.”

“Oh?”

“You shall have to find a new potions professor. It seems I will be otherwise indisposed.”

Dumbledore gave him a narrower glance, contemplating various meanings behind those words. Severus didn't offer an explanation, so the old man simply nodded. “I see. May I inquire...?”

“Personal business. But Harry and I will be unavailable for the most part.”

He knew Dumbledore didn't like it but the old man could do absolutely nothing to stop him. _Damn._


	16. With Maidens That Sing

June waned into July. Severus slowly healed. By the time Harry's birthday rolled around, he was off the potions and back to his usual self, for the most part. The party was small, but with seven Weasley children and their parents, it seemed far too loud and rambunctious. Severus felt rather glad when the redheads left and he had time to clean things back up. Remus helped with an amused smile at Severus' obsessive need to rid himself of anything even _touched_ by a Weasley. It wasn't that Severus hated them, per se, but they _were_ bloody annoying.

Severus still hadn't told Remus. He'd received a packet from Lucius for his new position at Durmstrang and reviewed it all while Remus was out on an errand. He bought a few books for introductory German. The school held a mishmash of languages from the various countries it's students hailed from, but the lessons were taught in German and first years were required to take lessons the summer before if they didn't speak it, to learn enough to get through their classes. Most students already knew it. Remus showed a passing interest in his sudden decision to learn a foreign language.

“Planning a vacation?” he asked curiously as Severus poured through one volume.

“Mm. Perhaps.” There was little more to it and for that, Severus was thankful.

August passed too quickly. Two weeks before start of term, Remus returned to the house from an errand with an unreadable look on his face. Severus wondered what it was about, especially since Remus kept looking at him almost hurt. It wasn't until after Harry had been put down that Remus actually confronted him.

“There was a staff meeting today,” he said in a quiet tone. Severus tensed, frowning. “Horace Slughorn was there.”

Severus looked away. “Yes, I'd have expected Dumbledore to use him. Most other potions masters are-”

“ _Why didn't you tell me you quit?!_ ”

His hands spasmed. Severus folded his arms over his chest tightly. “...I was going to.”

“When? When I left?! At the welcoming feast? _Never?_ ” Remus glared at him, hard and upset. “Why did you quit?”

“...I've been offered another position,” Severus said quietly, keeping himself calm in the face of Remus' upset. “The right time to inform you... I was waiting for it. But..”

Remus let out a frustrated noise, raking a hand back through his hair. “You should have just told me. I... Honestly, your career is your own business, but... A little _warning_ would have been nice before I had to chat it up with Slughorn!”

“I'm sorry.” Severus felt cowed, much as he hated it. His jaw was tight, body tense.

“Is _this_ why you're learning German?” Remus hesitated when Severus didn't answer right off, then looked worried. “Severus, _where_ is this position?”

Severus swallowed. The hurt and fear in Remus' voice made his belly tie in knots. “...Germany. Near the border to Denmark.”

For a few seconds, there was silence and utter stillness. Severus didn't dare break it first. He didn't have to.

Remus yelled. He'd never yelled at Severus that way before, full of anger and hurt and accusations. Severus shot back when the jabs to his character and cowardice hit home. There wasn't any rhyme or reason to it as they snarled and lashed out at one another and at some point, Harry started sobbing from the other room but even that wasn't enough. Both of them were hot with anger and pain by then and the fighting only made things worse as they pulled up every fault, ever wrong doing, and threw them into each other's faces.

Remus panted from anger, his hands tightly curled and shaking at his sides. His face was red and eyes blazed with absolute rage. He spat out a last snarled remark and then left, slamming the door behind him. Severus stood along in the living room, glaring after him and utterly livid. He shook and panted and tried desperately not to break something.

“Sevwus?”

Severus whipped around and stared at Harry, who stood in the doorway to the hall. His face was red, eyes wet, and he held his teddy tight to his chest. Severus' anger dropped and left behind an aching emptiness. He sighed softly and then sat down in his chair, looking down at his hands. His nails had dug into the palms, leaving red half moons in their wake.

“...It's okay, Harry. I... Remus and I just...”

He didn't quite know what had just happened, really. As he sat there numbly, Harry slowly approached and then crawled into his lap, resting his head against Severus' neck. Severus wrapped the boy up in his arms.

“I'm sorry, Harry. I didn't mean to wake you.”

“I's okay. I wuv you, Sevwus.”

Severus swallowed thickly and pressed his face against soft black hair, hugging Harry tighter to him. When he'd managed to get control of himself back, Severus found Harry asleep against him. He picked him up and carried the boy back to Severus' own bedroom. Then he laid down with Harry and spent the night that way.

The next day was achingly quiet. Severus went through the motions, feeding the two of them and playing with Harry. He still felt raw and empty inside and Remus' words rang in his ears with painful truth to them. He _was_ a coward. He _was_ spineless. He _was_ all those things Remus had said and meant. It didn't matter that they'd been too angry to think. For once, Remus had been completely honest with him and it hurt so _badly_.

Severus started packing while Harry was down for his nap. There would be a suite of rooms for him, as there was at Durmstrang. With Remus teaching at Hogwarts, there wouldn't be a need to keep the house stocked. He packed up the kitchen and bathroom, then his potions things from the guest room. All of it was boxed up and shrunk down for easy carrying.

Then Harry woke and they spent the afternoon playing and reading together. Dinner was a quiet affair and Harry kept looking towards Remus' spot, as if he might appear there. Severus hated how much he wished he would, too. That evening, Severus put Harry down with a kiss to his forehead and read him an extra bedtime story. Harry fell asleep half way through but Severus finished it before he left the bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him.

He didn't quite have the strength to pack up the bedroom yet. Severus went to the kitchen and pulled out a mug and the teapot he hadn't packed yet. Then he set water on the boil and watched it as he stood in silence.

Severus hadn't wanted Remus to leave him angry. He'd hoped somehow that he'd find the words, break it easily, make Remus understand... All folly, he realized. So very stupid to think he'd be able to end things peacefully. Maybe it was better this way. Maybe-

Movement. He grabbed his wand but before he could draw it, there was a hand gripping his wrist. He started, feeling a warm chest press to his back.

“Severus.”

Instantly, he went still and let go of his wand. Remus didn't release his hand nor did he move away.

“You came back,” Severus found himself murmured, just above a whisper. Remus sighed softly against the back of his neck, forehead pressing into Severus' dark hair.

“I love you, Severus,” he said simply. “I'll always come back, even if I storm away first. I have a temper, like you do.”

Truth. Severus closed his eyes and leaned back a bit into Remus' chest. A strong arm wrapped around his waist, hand resting along his stomach. Some of the tension inside him faded, but much of it stayed. Remus shifted his head and brushed his lips to the edge of his jaw.

“Remus..”

“I'm sorry for yelling at you,” Remus murmured softly. “I was... It doesn't matter. I should have listened to you... Everything you do is so planned and thought out... There's a reason behind it. And I'm here to listen. I'm here to be with you.”

Severus swallowed thickly. After a few moments, he pulled himself half free of Remus to turn around and face him. He looked over Remus' face, taking in his kind eyes and gentle features. He reached up to trace his finger tips along Remus' cheeks, over his nose and mouth, down his neck. Remus just watched, silent and still. Finally, Severus leaned in and kissed him.

It started soft and awkward between them but it soon grew deeper as a slowly spiraling desperation over took them. Remus pressed Severus back against the counter as his hands slid round his lover's waist. Severus' own stayed near his neck, curling back in Remus' short hair as Remus plundered his mouth. Heat and need grew between them. Soon, Remus was tugging his buttons undone and shoving his hands inside Severus' button up as Severus shivered against him and returned the favor. Their shirts fell to the floor as Remus' mouth descended upon his throat.

“Remus,” Severus groaned softly, the other man already working on his pants as well. Remus bit down on his shoulder and Severus shuddered hard as a hot lick of pleasure went right to his groin. His hands were rough and claiming as they manhandled Severus' pants off his hips. It was too fast but Severus couldn't make himself hate the pace. The same desperation he felt in Remus' body was twined in his own. Remus grabbed his prick before Severus had a chance to get his pants open. Severus gasped softly and then groaned, hips jolting as Remus gave him a hard yank.

“Sh, quiet, don't wake Harry,” he murmured against his collar as he laved his tongue over the bite. Severus shivered and bit his lip hard to try and muffle himself. Remus' hands slid along his back side and under before jerking him up to set him on the counter. Severus didn't think as his legs spread and Remus settled between them. His mouth finally detached from Severus' throat only to claim his mouth again. Dry fingers pressed into him and it hurt but Severus only clutched Remus tighter to him. It hurt more when Remus replaced his fingers with his cock. Severus' legs curled tight around Remus' waist.

There was nothing but desperation and need in their coupling. All Severus could hear was harsh breathing and his own heartbeat as Remus took his savagely. The kiss broke between them and Severus opened his eyes, caught by Remus' own as the mans tared at him. His eyes weren't gentle, nor serene, but instead swirling with want and need.

“I'm coming with you,” Remus told him urgently and then snapped his hips and made Severus cry out hoarsely. Remus covered his lover's mouth with one hand, leaning in close as he did it again. “I'm coming with you, Severus. Don't you dare leave me behind.”

Severus couldn't answer. He could barely breathe, much less talk. His hands tightened against Remus's back as the other continued savagely taking him. His heart pounded and chest burned. This wasn't sex. This was _claiming_ , all ruthlessness and brutal strength. Remus was marking him as his own and the thought made Severus break down inside.

He didn't make a sound when he came, face pressed hard into Remus' shoulder. His body jerked, tightening, and he vaguely felt Remus continue to thrust into him a few more times before hot wetness spread inside him.

“I'm coming with you,” Remus whispered against his ear. Severus didn't answer.


	17. The Dragons Rage

Dumbledore was not surprised when Remus resigned. He'd apparently expected it and had someone primed and ready to take over the position already. Remus said he'd mentioned something about a one year curse, but Severus thought it absolute poppycock and they left it at that. Neither was all that interested in what poor sap had taken up the job, either. Whoever he was, he definitely had his work cut out for him.

The house was packed up easily enough. Harry kept his teddy in one arm as he helped put his toys in a box while the adults took care of most else. He wasn't sure quite what this moving thing was about but assumed it was time to go to Hogwarts. However, when Severus took him out to be fitted for winter robes and coats, the child was notably confused. These were much thicker than his last things, which he'd grown out of anyway. He didn't enjoy getting poked and prodded and measured. Severus promised him a reward if he was good and didn't fuss, but really, was all this necessary? He blew his messy bangs out of his eyes and pouted mightily.

Severus didn't really blame him. He didn't much enjoy getting fitted for thicker robes either but it was a necessary evil. The winters were harder up north and with just where Durmstrang was situated, they would need the heavier clothing most of the year. Severus did not relish in the idea of nursing a sick child simply because thinner clothing was more convenient. When it was over, he treated the boy to ice cream and soothed both their tempers. Harry didn't often get sweet treats, as Severus was rather adamant about him eating well, so it was a double reward in his eyes. They returned once finished to Spinner's End and Remus to finish up clearing the house.

By the end of the week, they were ready to go. They shrunk all the boxes down and pocketed them before boarding the Knight Bus. Harry stared out the windows in fascination as Severus held him in case of sudden stops. Although neither Severus nor Remus were all that fond of the bus, Harry stayed cheery and animated the whole time, either watching the windows or chatting up other passengers. Only a few of them looked even slightly annoyed with him.

They ended up on the bus all day between various stops and turnarounds, and then traded off with a train to continue on North. Harry slept as soon as night fell, leaving Severus and Remus to talk quietly about things in their compartment. They had just enough money between them to secure a residence for Remus for the few months it would take to find employment. It would work. Somehow. Surely, Severus could leave on the weekends if he wasn't monitoring detentions... They would make this work, living apart after getting so comfortable in each other's space.

They arrived in Germany in the middle of the early dark hours with the air crisp and cool. Another few hours brought them to Hamburg. There, they boarded a bus to a shipyard and then settled for the last leg of the journey in a boat waiting for them that none of the dock workers seemed to notice there at all. The boatsman didn't look much but he took them across, grumbling the whole time about choppy waters and idiot headmasters. Severus rather hated the smell of the sea and the chill bite to the air that being so close to water even in the warm months lent.

Durmstrang was situated on a large island in the North Sea nearer to Denmark. The island itself rose with sharp, dangerous cliffs and was quite large enough for the school, an old castle about half the size of Hogwarts, what looked like a sports field from far off, and a rather scenic, short mountain with forests about the base. They couldn't quite tell how large the island really was from the approach but it was more than Severus was expecting.. The boatsman took them carefully around the a short beach along one side. He let them off and headed back to the shore, still grumbling under his mustache.

Remus looked up at the rocky cliffs in the pale light of dawn. He reeked of trepidation but it wasn't he who would ascend the steep stairs cut directly into the rock face to get up to the school. Taking a breath, he looked back to Severus with Harry in his arms and stepped closer.

“I'll owl you once I've got a flat,” Remus murmured. “There should be a few places in Hamburg that speak a bit of English until I can pick up German. Or I can find a travel guide and be a _true_ foreigner.”

Severus snorted a bit. He glanced at the stairs and then shifted Harry onto one arm. Reaching out, he curled his fingers in Remus' hand and drew him in for a last, sweet kiss. It probably wasn't safe, doing so within such proximity to the school, but he couldn't deny himself this last expression of affection when he wasn't sure the next time he'd be able to see the man.

“Owl me quickly,” he said quietly. “Harry and I will visit as soon as we can.”

Remus nodded. A few moments later, he disappeared with a crack. Severus took a breath of salty air and then began the long climb up the cliff stairs. Harry slept the whole way, tucked under his chin and wrapped around his neck. Severus didn't mind the small weight. His heart was quick with lingering fear of the danger he was willingly walking into. Durmstrang, where most of the teachers were Death Eaters or other Dark Arts practitioners. Where the Dark Arts were taught freely and it would be next to impossible to hide his affliction. Where he would freely give Igor Karkaroff a secret to destroy him.

The grounds were rather beautiful, but Severus felt little for them. He was stiff and chilled and his heart tight in his chest. He paused to take the castle in, noting unconsciously every way it was different to Hogwarts, every way it seemed _wrong_. It felt almost as if he were betraying Hogwarts, but that was a silly idea. And even if he wanted to, he couldn't run from this.

Severus adjusted Harry on his arm and then pulled the heavy wood door open. Deep, blood red and silver dominated the furnishings inside. It felt like a cave, all fire lit hallways of cold stone. An old man stood near the door, watching him with cool dark eyes that he glared back into.

“I am Severus Snape,” he introduced as the man continued to stare at him. “Headmaster Karkaroff bid that I meet with him immediately upon my arrival.”

“Of course,” the man murmured, his voice gravely and coarse. He turned and began down the hallway and Severus followed him. He felt Harry shiver a little against him and tugged the boy's coat to be a little more covering. Harry settled and continued to sleep peacefully against his chest.

The Headmaster's office was blocked by a large stone dragon with two serpents on either side coiled around its front legs, all of them with their mouths open to hiss. Severus glared at them without really meaning to. The man muttered a password and the snakes unraveled, curling off to either side as the dragon lifted up to reveal a doorway in its abdomen. Severus followed the man through into a long, rather dark hallway that was just barely tall enough for his height.

“Severus Snape here to see you, sir.”

Severus glanced past the man into the headmaster's office. It was just as bloody and silver as the rest of the place. Swords were hung along the walls in elaborate holders with other weapons strewn between them. Three portraits hung on the back and side walls, their glaring faces pinning onto him and the child in his arms with utter disdain. Along the back wall was a large, elaborate wooden desk with various stacks of papers, books, and a rather intricate pen and ink set that looked more expensive than anything else around.

Igor Karkaroff sat behind the desk. His arms rested in the surface, hands lifted and clasped and his head resting upon them. The man turned and left them alone as Severus took a cautious step closer to the desk. Karkaroff gestured to a chair in front of the desk and Severus took it, adjusting Harry a bit and then settled grimly in for what would be a very aggravating time.

“Severus Snape,” Karkaroff murmured and Severus rather hated the way his name sounded with such an accent. “It has been a long time.”

“Not long enough, I assure you,” Severus murmured blandly. He had no inclination to make this man like him. After all, _he_ was the one being inconvenienced. “I trust quarters have been set aside for me?”

“Of course,” the headmaster replied with an incline of his head. His eyes were guarded and suspicious, as well they should be. “You have my thanks for arriving so soon.”

Severus doubted it, since the man had been roused at such an early hour. “I thought it best to get settled as quickly as possible.”

Karkaroff's eyes flickered to Harry's sleeping form and Severus' own narrowed.

“Is there a problem?”

“No. I was... surprised.” He hesitated, choosing words with care. “I have heard of your... circumstances.”

“Yes. That _does_ bring up something to discuss. I will require a house elf familiar with young children,” Severus murmured, nonplussed but the dark look on Karkaroff's face. “My son will require care while I am filling the minds of privileged children.”

For a moment, he thought Karkaroff might deny him on principle, but the man simply waved a dismissive hand. “It will be done. Other demands?”

“An interpreter. I have grasped enough German to do my lessons, but I doubt very much that questioned aimed towards me will be as well understood,” Severus said in a bland tone. Karkaroff bristled a little and Severus almost smirked. Good. He _was_ more trouble than it was worth. Hopefully, the man would tell him politely to leave as soon as he'd found a suitable alternative and let him return to England were everyone at least spoke the same bloody language.

“...Yes, that will be done as well,” Karkaroff muttered. Severus watched him. The man really wasn't cut out for such a high position and it seemed somehow to him that Karkaroff knew it as well.

“I also must ask for two days off each month,” Severus continued. “I'm afraid a rather virulent illness of mine strikes rather like clockwork.”

Karkaroff scowled. “Snape. You are trying my patience.”

“Am I?” Severus lifted a brow. “Then you would rather a werewolf rampaging within the confines of the school grounds?”

“Werewolf? What madness are you-”

“I suppose Lucius didn't inform you.” Severus sighed a bit and reached to pat Harry's back as the boy wiggled a bit in sleep. “Unfortunately, I seem to have contracted lycanthropy. Messy business, that.”

Karkaroff stared. At once, he seemed to realize what he'd gotten into, accepting a favor from Lucius Malfoy. He managed to cover it up, badly, reaching up to stroke his pointed goatee nervously.

“...Two days. Done.” He paused, narrowing his eyes. “There is a potion...?”

“Yes and it will be brewed promptly, but one must never leave such things to chance.”

“No,” but Karkaroff did look a little less stressed at the assurance. Pity. Severus rather liked riling him, if only as punishment for indicating him to the Ministry.

“I believe that is all I have to convey,” Severus murmured calmly. “And you?”

“Nothing,” Karkaroff muttered with a bit more relief. Severus rose and pet along Harry's back when the child fussed a little at being moved.

“Very well. I'll need an escort to my rooms.”

Karkaroff summoned a house elf quickly, looking ready to be rid of them completely. Severus followed it to the hallway but paused and glanced behind him.

“I do hope the... _unpleasantness_ of our previous lives won't linger between us, Igor,” he said smoothly, brows arched and eyes calm. “When it comes to my son... Well. Potions often go wrong _unexpectedly_ , don't they?”

Karkaroff went white. Severus gave him a cruel smile before he went languidly after the house elf, hearing faint cursing in what was likely Polish behind him.


	18. And Fires Will Burn

Although the school was different and the subject matter quite a bit more morose and dangerous, Durmstrang students were not all that different from Hogwarts'. There were fewer of them, enough that house boundaries would have been ridiculous, but teens and pre-teens were just as annoying here as in England when they arrived.

Most of the students were male. The girls didn't number even a tenth that of the boys, numbering barely twenty together in all years. Severus wondered at the discrepancy, but didn't question it. Who was he to know the motives of Karkaroff's admittance policy? In any case, it meant little to him anyway. He saw no difference in teaching primarily boys to teaching an even number between genders, except that boys could be rather rowdy.

The rest of the teaching staff, with the exception of one, was completely male. The one woman was a shy thing who didn't look any adult in the eye and barely spoke. He wasn't sure if this boded well or not. It was little consolation that he happened to be the youngest on staff once again with only a few years less than Karkaroff. The looks a few other, generally _much_ older teachers gave him were a bit off-putting.

Teaching about dark creatures was no easier when he happened to be one. It was no small task to keep the students attentive nor to chase silly thoughts of harmlessness away either. Durmstrang employed a similar point system, though based on individual students to encourage combative natures, and Severus took gleeful advantage of it. Within two weeks, the students had figured out that their new teacher was not one to mess with, even if his command of German was rather lacking and he had no grasp at all of any other language spoken within the place. With the exception of a few rowdier boys, they tended to be obedient, if only because Severus showed no remorse at all for dropping their point averages down astronomically if they dared to cross him.

The female teacher, Cissienia Jugson, ended up Harry's afternoon caretaker. She taught advanced battle spells in the mornings to the sixth and seventh years exclusively and acted as tutor to the rest of the school. As such, she had her afternoons clear. Severus was unsure at first, but the English borne woman agreed quietly to a surveillance spell and other precautions Severus insisted upon, even offering a few of her own. They tried it a few days and Harry warmed slowly to the woman but she seemed competent enough. Harry liked her better than the house elf, anyway. The arrangement worked well enough, though Severus constantly checked a mirror they'd connected tot he surveillance spell just in case.

Less than a month into the term, the current issue of the Daily Prophet, which Severus had subscribed to to keep up with events back home, blindsided him. Almost two years after the fact, there had been an attack on the Ministry of Magic itself by a handful of left over Death Eaters. The attack had been repelled, of course, and most of them caught if not killed outright, but it still shook him. He wondered, vaguely, if Lucius had had anything to do with it, but his name didn't appear at all as it would have. Severus felt a twinge of relief. Even if the bastard had send him to this place, he didn't want the arrogant blond harmed.

It was almost Halloween before Severus and Harry ventured from the school to see Remus. The other man had managed to secure a small place in Hamburg, as he'd hoped, and worked as a tutor in, amusingly enough, English. There were more than a few willing to pay for the services of a native speaker and he was picking up German well enough in the meantime, though his sentence structure and such were as atrocious as Severus'.

The free weekend came during a long storm, but Severus was undaunted. He dressed Harry in his best coat and Sunday dress, then apparated to Hamburg near a cafe he and Remus were set to meet at. They spent the day together, idling in the cafe before returning to Remus' small apartment. There, they played a few games with Harry and then enjoyed an hour or so along together when the boy napped. It wasn't much, but they made it enough.

Back to the castle, Severus apparated them to the foot of the cliff stairs and helped Harry up them, as the boy insisted on doing things on his own these days. Jugson was on the grounds, an umbrella held delicately in one thin hand. She glanced towards them from where she knelt, taking cuttings from some rather lovely flowers growing wild over the open field around the school. Harry broke free from Severus to run to her excitedly.

“Cissie, Cissie, we sawed _Remus!_ ” he shouted excitedly as he came up to her, small hands resting on her knee. Severus faint bit of pride that Harry was getting 'r' and 'l' sounds with frequency, but that was barely felt in the sudden lash of fear that the boy's guileless uttering had brought.

“Remus?” she murmured quietly with faint confusion, her voice faintly accented from living so long there. “Your... friend?”

Harry blinked and thought about that rather seriously. “Um. Yes? I think so. Sevrus, is Remus my friend?”

Severus came up to stand behind his son. “Yes, Harry. He is, indeed, your friend.”

The boy grinned and then turned back to keep chattering at Jugson, who listened kindly to his excitement. It became painfully clear, as Harry spoke, that this Remus _had_ to be an adult and though Severus had rathered keep the man between them, he hoped this wouldn't come to bite him in the end. Jugson didn't seem the type, but she _did_ have a brother in England who had been a Death Eater. Severus had no idea what had happened to Piotr Jugson and his sister was reluctant to speak of him. He got the feeling that the two were estranged, which only comforted him distantly.

When Harry had finished nattering, they bid Jugson a good day and headed back to the castle. Students wandered leisurely about on their day off and more than a few had to stop and stare at one of their grouchy teachers with a three year old on hand. Harry didn't much care for the attention. He stuck close to his father, holding his hand tightly, and nibbled at his lips as his wide eyes took the students in. Severus wasn't the first parent on the teaching staff but he was the only _unmarried_ one. There were six with wives and children living nearby, but none of them had ever brought their children to the school if they weren't school aged.

Glancing down at Harry with faint worry, Severus nearly ran headlong into the potions professor, Aurel Koenig. The curly haired man stopped short just as Severus did and gave the younger man a narrowed look.

“...Guten tag, Snape,” he greeted tensely as he blew a graying black curl from his face, as usual. Severus gave him a faint nod.

“Koenig,” he returned. Koenig glanced down at Harry, who stared at him.

“...Kind,” the man said in the same tone. Harry's hand tightened in Severus' and he didn't answer, although he was getting used to being called that.

“Harry,” Severus murmured quietly. “Don't be rude.”

The boy looked at him fleetingly before returning his wide eyes back to the shorter man.

“H-hullo, Herr Koenig,” he managed weakly. The potions professor nodded, satisfied, and then he brushed past them without another word, which was for the best since his English was rather terrible. Severus sighed softly and they continued back to their rooms rather quietly.

Most of the other teachers frightened or intimidated Harry. Of course, few of them much cared for either Harry or Severus, for that matter. The language barrier only accounted for some of the rudeness between them all. It seemed to Severus that none of them really approved of his appointment, not that he blamed them. Even Jugson had lived within the region a few years before she was hired on. Still, it mattered little to him. If anything, the enmity might serve as a reason for Karkaroff to get off his arse and find someone else quickly.

The winter was harsh. With only a few fires here and there to heat the castle, things stayed rather chilly. Harry caught a cold in January, just after they'd returned from winter hols with Remus. He was miserable and whiny the whole time, but Severus figured he deserved to be. Still, he was quite glad when Harry was well again and he didn't have to worry as much.

The rest of the year went quickly. His classes were generally theory, since he only taught first through fourth years with the higher levels divided off to a different teacher for more in depth, hands on experience. Severus didn't mind. It gave him more time with Harry and gave him time to visit Remus, when they could manage.

Summer break came as a relief. The three of them returned to England and Spinner's End as soon as they could manage. It was the first time Remus and Severus had more than a few hours to spend together and as soon as Harry went to sleep, Remus pounced and Severus wasn't of the mind to deny him. They barely made it to their half unpacked bedroom.

The first few days passed by quickly as they settled in. It was more peaceful, giving them a bit of quiet time among themselves. However, nine days after their arrival, they were suddenly descended upon by Remus' friends in the Order. Severus hated having them in his house. He hated the hustle and bustle and chaos, hated the loud voices and riotous laughter. Harry spent most of the day in either his or Remus' arms with little receptivity to the others. He kept his face pressed against Severus and Remus' necks, watching people from the safe confine.

The Weasleys arrived later, all red haired boys and chaos. The youngest stayed with her mother but the other boys went rampant and Severus spent far too much time warning them away from various areas and things. Harry, who had not seen Ron in so long that he'd forgotten him completely, found the Weasleys as disturbing as Severus did.

By the time the house emptied again, Severus was nervy and exhausted. Harry had gotten cranky at all, especially since they'd had to postpone dinner, but he perked up with the meal. An hour or so later, he was asleep and Severus set to cleaning with Remus.

“Sorry,” Remus murmured finally. Severus glanced at him and shook his head a little.

“They're your friends.”

“Still. I didn't expect them to come in a... a _wave_ like that.”

Severus gave a dismissive gesture and picked up a book that had been left resting against the fireplace. “Remus. It wasn't your fault and I can hardly fault them for wishing to see you after a year's absence. Far be it for me to forbid you a social life.”

Remus snorted and gave him a grin, then they went back to cleaning. It took longer than they much cared for, but the house seemed less... _invaded_ by the time they were finished. The itch under his skin lessened. Severus closed his eyes and sighed softly, sinking into his chair. Remus chuckled a little, standing next to him and reaching over to brush his fingers along Severus' cheek.

“Well, now we have nearly two months to rest, hm?” he murmured as he dropped to his knees beside the chair, arms folded on the arm as he smiled gently. “We'll have to make the most of it.”

“Mm. We will.” Severus glanced over him and curled his fingers through Remus' short hair, comforted by his presence.

The summer went by too fast, but they made the most of it that they could. The end of July, they celebrated Harry's fourth birthday quietly and opened various presents the Order members sent him, as well as from the two of them. Harry enjoyed things quite a bit.

However, August brought back obligations. They packed up once more a week before September and made the long journey back to Durmstrang, which seemed to last even longer than last time. Remus parted with them in Hamburg and Severus led Harry the rest of the way to Durmstrang.

There was no one to meet them this time. After all, Severus well knew his way to his own rooms now, so there was no reason to deal with Karkaroff or the grouchy grounds keeper, Hofmann. They arrived in the familiar suite quickly enough and Harry went to bed as soon as Severus had unshrunk his bedclothes and gotten the bed ready for him. He was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow. Severus found it harder to greet sleep but there was a certain relief in being back at the castle, where none of Remus' friends could swoop in and disturb him. He shook his head and retired to his own bed.


	19. Days Unnumbered

Life settled into a comfortable pattern. Severus taught and spent evenings with Harry. When they were able, the two of them left to see Remus in Hamburg. The summers, the spent in Spinner's End. Life was peaceful.

Harry grew quickly under Severus' caring eye. He was healthy and happy and rather precocious. At five, he managed to elude his caretaker Jugson and escape into the grounds. While the woman searched for him rather worriedly, he explored the rocky cliffs he wasn't allowed near, picking up little twigs and pretty colored stones to take back with him. And then he managed to fall off the edge.

Severus was in the middle of class when he heard it. A terrified cry, so loud that it had to be magically augmented. He didn't even pause to dismiss the class, rushing out into the hallway. Another cry directed him to the front doors while others poked their heads out of the classrooms wondering what the racket was about. Severus almost flew with how swiftly he ran. His heart clenched in his chest and terror lit his mind.

The screaming faded off as he neared the cliffs. There, Jugson sat with Harry firmly in her arms, holding the boy as he cried with wrenching sobs. One arm was scratched bloody, as was his face. Jugson looked up at him, her face almost white.

“Harry. Harry, your father's here-” she murmured to the child as Severus knelt beside them. A second later, he had an arm load of terrified five year old as Harry sobbed about falling. It wasn't until he had hold of the boy that Severus breathed again.

“What. Happened,” he ground out as he shot Jugson a glare. She swallowed thickly and looked close to tears herself.

“I-I lost sight of him... He...He was playing near the cliff...fell..”

 _Merlin_. Severus sucked in a ragged breath as he held Harry tighter. If Jugson hadn't been there to save him...

“He... I-I looked over and... h-he was _floating_...”

Severus blinked and looked at Jugson sharply. Floating...? It wouldn't be the strangest account of under-aged magic he'd ever heard of, but had Harry _truly_ managed to save himself in such a way...? He shivered all over again. It didn't matter how, but his son was safe. Harry was safe...

Karkaroff showed unpredicted kindness in giving him the afternoon off so that he could soothe Harry. Severus thanked him, even while being faintly suspicious of his motives. Still, he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

For a week after, Harry had nightmares about cliffs and falling. Severus was patient and gentle, rocking him after to soothe him back to sleep. They happened less frequently after, but Harry stayed _very_ far from the cliffs when he went out to play after that. Severus just paid much closer attention when they were together, for it terrified him to think that it might happen again. And there was no guarantee that Harry could save himself again.

Severus noticed something odd about Jugson after the incident. She seemed preoccupied and often stared at him or Harry for long minutes before turning away again. He tried to ignore the behavior, figuring it was simply a lingering guilt from almost letting the child die.

The rest of the year, Severus continued noticing Jugson staring and was quite relieved when he, Harry, and Remus went back to England for the summer. Something about that almost fugitive stare bothered him deeply.

The summer went on, peaceful and enjoyable. They celebrated Harry's sixth birthday and all too soon, headed right back to Germany. After three years of teaching at Durmstrang, it was getting to be routine enough not to bother him greatly.

September went by rather quickly. Mid October, Severus got a bad feeling. He kept it to himself, but strengthened the spells around his rooms and on Harry to soothe his paranoia. Jugson seemed to have gotten over her staring through the summer but she seemed quieter and still preoccupied. Again, Severus ignored that and set his attention on watching the rest of the staff for any sign of what might have caused his senses to jump.

It was the day before Halloween that he returned to his rooms and found Jugson laying unconscious and bleeding in his rooms. He immediately checked her pulse but she was alive. Then he noticed the stillness in his quarters.

Harry.

Harry was gone.

It took too long to rouse Jugson and by the time her dark eyes rolled open and looked up at him hazedly, Severus was rather panicked. Not that it showed. His Death Eater training and habits slid into place immediately.

“Where is the boy?” he murmured in a quiet, deadly tone. Jugson looked confused a moment.

“Snape... Wh-what happened...?”

“You were unconscious. Harry is gone. _What happened?_ ”

He got her sitting up and Jugson held her head, looking around. There was faint spell damage here and there, a broken vase nearby. A few books knocked over. A shoe- He almost stopped breathing at the sight of Harry's small shoe sitting overturned near his chair.

“I... There was a noise...” Jugson murmured with unease as she pressed a hand to her still bleeding forehead. “I-I remember a noise...”

“And then?”

“Someone g-grabbed me.. Threw me down...” Her brows furrowed and Severus watched her closely as her gaze went dazed again with introspection. “H-Harry yelled... I t-tried to get him, but... He h-hit me, the one who came in. He hit me...”

Severus grit his teeth. “What did he look like? Did you recognize him?”

“N-no. No, he... He h-had on a hood...”

“His voice. Did he say anything?”

“No. He... He just h-hit me.”

She was staring off towards the broken vase with a kind of blind shock. He reached over and grabbed he face, drawing it to face him. She met his eyes and he shot into her mind with the whispered word, “ _Legilimens_.”

The memory wasn't quite clear. Jugson's injury had mussed things up, but it was enough for him to see some things. She'd been grabbed from behind and thrown, then struck with the vase. As consciousness faded, he saw through her eyes as the hooded man struck Harry across the face and then lifted his motionless body. When he pulled out, he'd never been so very angry in his life.

Severus had the sense to call for help. Koenig had been near by, as their classrooms were next to one another for the strangest reasons. He took charge of Jugson and half carried, half dragged the still dazed woman towards the medical room, shouting out in rapid German to a passing professor, Humbert Steiner who taught charms and held deputy headmaster. Severus didn't wait to for whatever Koenig was yelling about. He went back to his rooms. There was blood on his floor where Jugson had been laying. He knelt down and brushed it with one finger. All still wet. Still warm.

He nearly flew from the room, wand in hand. Distantly, he heard Koenig shout his name and Steiner seconding it, but he didn't stop. He shoved two students nearly off their feet when they got in his way. Rushing out the front doors, he whipped his head about as he searched for any movement. Too many students, a sea of red and fur. He cursed while young boys and girls stared at him, unused to their Dark Creatures professor looking so out of sorts.

Even though it was hopeless, Severus searched. He searched the grounds around the castle, harassed students with his stilted German and the handful of words he'd learned in various Slavic tongues, but no one had seen a hooded man with his son.

Karkaroff found him within an hour. For once, Severus didn't care if he got the upper hand or not. He demanded a search party be raised. The anti-apparition charms would keep whoever it was on the island, as long as the boats weren't summoned up, as long as he didn't find another way off, as long as so many things didn't happen. Karkaroff rallied up the teachers and even though most of them didn't like Severus and a good half rather hated him, there were no objections.

The students were sequestered in their dorms, Perun Kozlowski with the boys and a still hazed Jugson with the girls. That left the castle clear. Most the teachers ventured out with Karkaroff to search the grounds, mountain, and forests. The others went along with Steiner to search the castle. Steiner split them into teams and they headed off, two teachers to a floor.

Koenig had the faintest limp in his left leg, but he kept up well enough with Severus and he didn't question his franticness. Koenig had two children of his own and a grandchild by one of them. Somehow, his gruff silence was just what Severus needed to keep focused.

The hooded man was no where to be found in the castle. The four teams did a second search, just to be sure, then joined again in the mess hall. Just as Steiner started giving new orders in rough German, with the transfiguration teacher Svarog Popovic doing a quick and dirty translation for Severus in broken English, the head of the girl's dorm rushed out and spoke rapid fire. Severus heard Jugson's name but he didn't understand the rest. Steiner made the girl stop and slow down, explaining to him more slowly. Then his lips set into a hard line. His orders changed. Jugson had left the girl's dorm to investigate a noise outside and hadn't returned. He set Popovic to guard the girls and the rest of them headed out to search for Jugson and join the rest of the staff.

Severus followed orders as he always had. They were all he had to hold onto. All he had to get over the horror that Harry was missing.

They searched the grounds as thoroughly as possible. Night fell and the temperature dropped, but they kept looking. Someone was on lookout, making sure the wards stayed up and nothing left the island. The rest dug through the forest and mountain with grim determination. Severus wasn't well liked but he was a member of their strange fraternity and none of them were heartless enough to hope his son suffered simply from dislike of the father.

Severus wanted Remus to be there. But there wasn't time and there was no way to get him through the wards.

The moon was high in the sky, nearly full and casting dull light that made shadows move and Severus' hopes soar and wane. He traipsed through the trees, tripping over rocks and roots as his wide eyes took in everything, searching for any sign.

He nearly didn't catch the scent. When he did, it made him sick. He traced it, finding a dollop of half dried blood upon one of the rocks with a smear of it over. He studied the mix of scents. He'd found Harry.

Severus ran. He ran faster than he could follow, faster than his legs wanted, faster than he'd ever run before. The scent was weak but clear and he followed it through the underbrush with absolute care. A droplet of blood here, rag of clothing there gave him hope, made him go on. He would find Harry, save him.

Barring saving, he would make sure the hooded man was in agony for hours before he died.


	20. As These Worlds Turn

He'd never have found the cave if he hadn't been able to smell the trace or recognize Harry's second shoe laying outside the entrance. Severus approached slowly, recognizing the warm blue of Harry’s lace up, then cast quiet, wordless sensing spells. There wasn’t anyone near by, outside the cave, the search party spread out thinly as it was. At least one inside, but it seemed more like two by the heat signatures. Accomplices? And then he smelled her.

Jugson. Severus grit his jaw. She’d gone missing. She was involved. _He’d kill her._

There was an aching bloodlust in his heart. How dare that woman betray them. How dare she betray a _pup_. He was going to rip her into _pieces_. The wolf beneath his skin howled for her blood.

He cast the strongest invisibility charm he knew and then slowly entered the cave, knowing any false step, any tiny noise would reveal him. As he entered deeper, he set traps with wordless spells and a few surveillance spells. If anyone entered or left the cave unmolested, he wanted to k now it.

Perhaps twenty yards in, he came up against the first trap laid by the hooded man. It slowed him down, but not by much. Nor did the other three. After bypassing the last, he was close enough to hear voices. One male, one female. The words were garbled from bouncing around stone. He closed in with painful slowness.

“…could you do this?!” Jugson murmured with strain and panic. “Oh, Harry, Harry, baby, please wake up. Wake up now-“

“Would you _stop simpering?!_ ” A crack and Severus heard Jugson whimper with pain before the male voice sneered out. “Don’t know why I even _bother_ with you, Cissie. You’re so _weak._ ”

“You can’t _do_ this anymore. The war is _over_.”

“ _It will never be over!_ ” the man hissed and Severus heard him strike her again. He edged along the hall, back up against the rock wall, and took a breath before he glanced past the edge of the wall into the first cavern. There was a rocky upshoot blocking his vision of the man, but he clearly saw Jugson on the floor with Harry’s unmoving body in her arms. Tears streaked down her cheeks as she held the boy against her chest, lifting her head to glare at the man as blood trickled from her nose.

“You’re crazy,” she murmured, shaking. “You’re _crazy._ ”

The man laughed and stepped forward to backhand her so hard that she toppled back into another stalagmite. Her head cracked against it and she sagged, but her arms stayed stubbornly around the boy.

Severus knew that man. Piotr Jugson, Cissienia’s younger brother. He’d seen the man before, at the end of the war. A new recruit, but fresh faced and quite vocal in his allegiance, quite cruel in his execution of orders. Severus didn’t know how he’d managed to escape imprisonment in Azkaban but the last years hadn’t been good to him. He’d aged and there was strain on what had once been a handsome face. Severus remembered Jugson being one of the most open Death Eaters of them all. How the world must have waved under his feet when the Dark Lord died.

“That boy ruined _everything,_ ” he hissed out. “The scar _brands_ him a traitor. A traitor to the one _true_ way of things.”

“Y-you don’t know… what you’re saying,” Jugson murmured, her vision hazing out. Idly, Severus wondered if she was concussed by now.

“As if a blood traitor like _you_ would know anything,” her brother snarled, lifting his wand. Severus gripped his own tightly, but there wasn’t a clear shot. He might clip Jugson or even worse _Harry_ if he wasn’t careful.

Jugson screamed and thrashed about as her brother cast Crucio. She managed somehow to keep hold of Harry, cradling the boy tightly against her chest as she cried and writhed. Severus hated the screaming and the wolf grew louder in his ears. His nerves were shot by the time Poitr cut off the spell.

“Weak,” he murmured, nudging his shaking sister with one booted foot. She whimpered, curling her body around Harry as if he were the most precious thing. Severus almost took the shot, but then Piotr knelt down and ripped Jugson’s hands away from the boy, grabbing him up roughly. Harry’s body lolled bonelessly as he was dragged up by his hair onto his knees. Jugson made a weak grab for him but an idle spell from Piotr shot her back through the stalagmite and across the cave to slam bodily up against the rock wall. Her body crumpled against the floor.

“Harry Potter,” Piotr said softly, almost like a caress, as he stared at the boy’s slack face. Severus tightened his grip on his wand, jaws clenched, just waiting for the opening he needed to take Jugson down for good. Piotr lifted a hand and traced over the scar on Harry’s forehead, lips curling. “How the hell did a skinny wretch like you ever hurt my Lord…?”

Severus didn’t care how Piotr had managed to find out who his son was. It didn’t matter yet. Later, he knew it would, but for now, all he cared about was getting Harry out safely.

Piotr dropped the boy and rose up, stepping back. With a silent curse, Severus realized he was out of direct line again. _Damn it!_ He saw the edge of Piotr’s wand as the man lifted it and pointed towards his son. Severus saw red.

“ _Don’t you dare harm him!_ ”

Piotr jolted as Severus darted around the edge of the entrance. Severus didn’t hesitate, he sent a spell that blew a hole in the rocky column hiding Piotr and heard a curse as he ran for Harry. A spell shot by him, missing by a mile, and Severus suddenly remembered he was still invisible. He ran for Harry’s side, sending spells off along the way to any bit of movement as the Death Eater dodged as best he could and spelled wildly.

Just before Severus got to Harry, Piotr dashed out from behind the stalagmite and plowed into him. It was a wild shot, but enough to disrupt his concentration in the spell. His wand fell from his hand, rolling out of reach as Piotr pressed his own between Severus’ eyes.

“… _You_ ,” Piotr whispered with surprise. “I know you. I _know_ you. Severus Snape. You..”

Severus glared up at him, lip curling. There as a crazed look in the man’s eyes.

“You’re the brat’s keeper?” Piotr continued, honestly surprised. And then rage filled him. “How dare you betray our Lord like this?! Explain yourself!”

“He is not _my_ lord,” Severus spat out. “He’s a _corpse!_ ”

Pain blossomed across Severus’ face as Piotr hit him. Most wizards didn’t bother with physical violence, but Piotr had no trouble with it at all.

“He will return! He will return and bring down all of the wretched bastards that fought against him!”

“You’re _mad_ ,” Severus snarled. Piotr moved to hit him again and Severus managed to grab his fist, only to get an elbow to the face from his other arm. He saw stars, briefly.

“You’re the crazy one,” Piotr growled out. “You’re the one that dared betray our great Lord. Our _savior._ ”

“There is nothing to be saved _from!_ ”

“Wrong. So wrong,” the man whispered. He got up off Severus, keeping his wand well trained as his lips split into a crazed grin. “You’ll need saving when he returns. When he rises from the grave. He’ll come. He’ll come and burn out the non-believers. He’ll rip them to shreds and drink their life blood line wine. And when it’s over, it will be his chosen followers that rule the land and burn those miserable, powerless, weak things under our shoes…”

Dear Merlin. Piotr Jugson was absolutely, irrevocably insane.

Before Severus could prepare, he was hit with Crucio. He writhed and screamed as pain ripped through him, white hot. He cried and clawed at himself and the floor, thrashed about uncontrollably. The world shrank down to pain and misery.

Another spell hit and he felt skin peel back and muscle cut under it. He screamed louder and twisted, feeling another wound and then another and another. His body was being shredded.

And then it stopped and he didn’t know why. He could barely breathe and his blood coursed through his ears so loudly that any other sound was garbled and ruined. He thought he heard a shout, a snarled roar. Then there were hands on his face and he looked dimly at Cissienia Jugson.

“Snape,” she murmured. “Snape, can you hear me? Merlin… Look at me, Snape. Stay with me.”

“Jugson,” he managed. She swallowed thickly.

“We-we have to get out of here. He won’t stay down for long.”

He looked past her and saw Piotr laying a few feet away. His body was straight and stiff, but his fingers kept twitching at his sides and his eyes blinked wildly. Fighting a full body bind, he realized. And then he remembered that Jugson was a battle professor. He always forgot what she could do when she wanted to.

Jugson helped him up. Neither of them were in good shape. They leaned against each other as they got to Harry and Severus dragged the child onto his back. His hands were shaking so badly he didn’t think he’d be able to hold him properly. Together, they stumbled from the cave and Severus blindly removed his spelled traps.

Once they got outside, Jugson lowered him to the ground where he shook and clasped to Harry in his lap. She brushed her fingers along Harry’s messy hair, pausing to trace the fully visible scar on his forehead.

“Take care of him, Snape,” Jugson murmured softly as her gaze lifted to his and she pressed his wand into his hand. “Call for the others.”

Severus stared at her without realizing what she was planning to do until she ducked back into the cave. He cursed and tried to rise, but his body was so very broken and strained. Panting hard, he lifted his wand and shot off a signal flare.

Dimly, Severus heard shouting and far off footsteps. He ignored them. Instead, he held Harry and tried to listen in the cave. Every few seconds, he heard a cry or a roared yell. He felt rumbling through the ground. He smelled the ozone of cast spells and the rich scent of blood.

Koenig suddenly grabbed his face. Severus started, staring at him wildly. The older man shouted at him in German and his face was white. The school medic, Alois Novak, shoved Koenig aside and knelt in front of Severus, looking over Harry first. There was blood in the boy’s hair and he still hadn’t regained consciousness. Novak tried to take Harry from him and Severus tightened his hold without even meaning to.

“Snape,” Novak murmured, looking at him sharply. “Snape, be letting _go._ ”

It took him a moment to do so. Novak took Harry, laying the boy down flat as he checked him for injuries, casting a diagnosis spell before summoning up a stretcher and placing Harry onto it. He spoke to Steiner, who’d arrived next, and Steiner started back to the school with the boy as Novak turned back to Severus.

“Jugson,” Severus managed. “She… In the cave, it’s..”

Koenig didn’t quite understand but his gaze was grim when Severus gestured to the cave. He drew his wand and went in without another word. Novak muttered something in Czech and summoned up another stretcher, helping Severus lay down onto it.

“…Are being _stupid_ ,” the medic muttered to himself as he levitated the stretcher to come after him. Severus looked out and saw more of the staff coming in. Another few entered the cave before it was out of sight. Severus let himself faint.


	21. But The Knight Comes

Severus awoke in the medical bay the next afternoon. He hissed with pain and his body itched as the moon ran rampant through him. He could feel it, the impending change in the next few hours. Hoarsely, he called for Novak but the man didn't understand him enough to know what was wrong. He got Karkaroff, who immediately realized the problem.

Novak swore and yelled after Karkaroff ordered Severus to be brought back to his rooms. His wounds were still in need of tending, still dangerous, but Karkaroff shoved him off and conjured the stretcher himself. He got Severus onto it as Novak continued yelling at them, then left with more shouted curses behind them. Karkaroff's face was absolutely white.

Severus had not transformed so injured since his first time. It was frightening, wondering if this time he'd die. If this time, his body would tear apart under the strain. Karkaroff laid him down in the middle of his living room.

“Potion. Potion, it is-”

“Can't... can't brew it now,” Severus interrupted through panted breath. “Ward the bedroom. Shrink everything... Get it out of there..”

Karkaroff hesitated only a moment as his eyes drew to the clock. Moonrise was earlier, this time of year.

After a moment, the man went off to clear out the bedroom. He threw the shrunken things into a corner of the living room and started casting various charms and wards he knew of. Severus instructed him in a few of his own. Then Karkaroff levitated him into the center of his cleared bedroom. Severus took Karkaroff's wand and made a few more shields and wards before tossing the wand back to him. Karkaroff backed out of the bedroom and Severus activated the wards by word. Then he laid back and waited.

The moon hit just as Severus was wondering if it ever would. He cried out and shook, body spasming as it ripped and changed. The pain was unimaginable and he felt his wounds bleed freshly as he tore healing tissues. He screamed and wept and writhed. And then blacked out as it overcame him.

The wolf awoke. He panted with small aches, then got up and tested his feet. Steady, strong. As he lifted his head and looked about, the wolf grew wary. This place smelled of him but it was wrong. Empty. _Human_. Anger swirled within him, a deep, gnawing thing that brought out his worst. Without thinking, the wolf attacked anything that seemed like a way out. He hissed and snarled as magics sparked around him, denying his fondest wish. He smelled humans. Small, defenseless humans. Waiting to be killed. Ripped apart. _Eaten_.

With mindless rage, he fought and howled and beat at every door and window, but to no avail. They were there, just beyond his reach, just _waiting_ for him. He could smell them, hear them, almost taste them. Hot, coppery blood to spill on his tongue. The wolf bit himself in lieu of it, but his own blood sated him little. He clawed and chewed at himself, as if somehow, he'd eventually find the heady richness he searched for.

The pain only made him angrier. He threw himself into the door as it rattled, spell strengthened. Just a little more. Just a little more and he'd get through and he would hunt. He felt bone break with the force of his body against the wood, but that matter little. It healed quickly enough and he broke himself again, over and over and _over_...

Moonlight sang in his veins, a bewitching mix of crooning and taunting that both soothed and riled him. He sang back to her with loud howls as he continued to fight and bite, and destroy. He knew nothing of time, nor the state of his own body. It didn't matter. He was so _angry_...

The wolf didn't realize when resting for another try became sleeping with exhaustion. The body shifted and righted itself in sleep and the wolf grew dormant as the man rose instead.

Severus woke unable to move. He laid curled naked in the middle of his rooms, surrounded by deep claw marks and breathing deeply. His body ached, worse than he could remember waking up to before. He shivered and curled a little tighter and waiting for Karkaroff to come for him.

Finally, Karkaroff arrived. He paled at the damage to the room and the damage on Severus, eying deep gashes and welts and signs of broken bones. With a soft frown, he knelt next to Severus.

“You are there?” he asked quietly. Severus opened his eyes and looked at the man with clear exhaustion.

“Yes.” He was too tired for sarcasm. Karkaroff nodded faintly and went to fetch a sheet. He conjured the stretcher again and levitated Severus onto it, draping the sheet over his naked form. Then he took him back to the infirmary.

Novak was not pleased at _all_. He snarled something that sounded very angry and vulgar as he directed Severus back onto a bed. Then he paused and stared a bit at the younger man's nakedness before shooting Karkaroff a _very_ dirty look and saying something that had Karkaroff blushing with embarrassed anger. Severus was too tired to really care what was going on. Almost as soon as he was laid down again, he went back to sleep.

Almost two full days later, he woke hearing the most beautiful sound in the world. He opened his eyes and turned his head, watching as something painful unraveled from his chest.

Harry laughed, sitting in Koenig's lap as he and the old man played a board game of some sort. The boy looked good after the rather traumatic event, healthy as ever and without a mark. He was dressed in his play clothes like usual, his thick hair falling in messy waves into his face and around his ears, then curling at the nape of his neck. A right cherub.

Severus watched them. The language barrier meant very little with the game they played, some sort of card matching, and Harry babbled to Koenig while the man gave a comment or two here and there. It was rather peaceful. Suddenly, it wasn't Koenig Severus saw anymore. It was his own father, aged and happier than he'd ever been in life. He wondered if Tobias would have enjoyed being a grandfather, had life not been so cruel. Perhaps Eileen would have liked it.

He fell asleep listening to his son's laughter. When he woke again, Harry and Koenig were gone. He listened to the noises of Novak made moving around, his little grumbles and the swish of his robes against the floor. It was oddly comforting.

When he looked to the other side, he saw Jugson. She was asleep, various magical bandages still patched here and there, bruises showing easily against her pale skin. The whole side of her face was one big bruise. Novak hovered over her, reading the results of a diagnosis charm with an unhappy scowl on his face. Of course, Novak looked sour most of the time, but Severus couldn't help thinking he seemed a bit worse off.

Abruptly, the medic looked up and saw him awake.

“Snape,” he greeted grimly as he stepped over to the bed. He sent off for Popovic since Karkaroff was busy, then started checking over Severus' wounds. The transfiguration teacher showed up just as lunch began and gave a sigh of relief when he saw Severus awake.

“Ah, Snape, you good?” he murmured as a greeting. Severus liked Popovic. The reedy man didn't really care one way or another what Severus acted like or that he was English. Really, all Popovic cared about was competency. They weren't friends, but he always knew where he stood with the man.

“Good enough,” Severus murmured. Popovic lifted one almost invisible brow, then shook his head a bit as he drew up a chair. Novak rolled his eyes and then started speaking. Popovic listened and started translating.

Apparently, between Jugson, Koenig, and Steiner, they subdued Poitr Jugson and were going to take him in, but he managed to get free and nearly killed Jugson before Steiner managed to put him down permanently. Jugson hadn't awakened yet, since Novak had put her in a magical coma to keep her out of pain. Severus himself would be out in a few days and sore for a week or so after.

Novak paused in the narrative and scowled and puttered around the subject enough that Popovic gave him the oddest look. The medic scowled a bit more and sighed, then asked a question. Popovic stared.

“Go ahead. Translate,” Severus muttered. Popovic looked a bit uncomfortable.

“Mm... He want to know... Bring you away Karkaroff was. Come back, more injure?”

Damn it. Severus sighed a little but both men were staring at him intensely now.

“Want to know... Karkaroff does to you something?”

“What?” Severus scowled. “Honestly. _No._ That spineless fool couldn't even button his own robes right without help.”

“Severus, he being... We know like you _not_ Karkaroff does. He being-”

“An ex-Death Eater. I know.” Severus shook his head a bit. “He didn't do anything. Frankly, it's a bit of an insult to think he _could._ ”

Popovic gave him a hard look and lowered his voice. “No. He being _homosexual._ ”

Severus stopped. He stared. And then he laughed. Both Popovic and Novak stared at him as if he'd lost it. Oh. Oh this was _good_. He wondered if Karkaroff had any idea about what these two thought/knew about him. Either way, Severus was going to use this. He wondered how hard Karkaroff would fight to keep it secret if it _were_ true.

Shaking his head, Severus managed somehow to make it through to them that no, Karkaroff hadn't done anything _untoward_ to him and he was perfectly find fending off solicitations if it suited him. Popovic relayed it to Novak, who finally just snorted and that was that. Novak went on treating him and he chatted with Popovic before the man headed off to teach again, leaving Severus behind to listen to Novak mutter and putter about.

then relayed something to Novak. The medic snorted and that was that. Novak went on treating him and he chatted with Popovic before the man headed off to teach again, leaving Severus behind to listen to Novak mutter and putter about.

Harry came that evening on Koenig's hand. He let out a cheery cry when he saw Severus awake and climbed up to the chair beside the bed.

“Severus!” he said with a grin. “You're okay!”

“Of course I am,” Severus murmured, lifting a brow. “I'm always okay.”

“But...but...” Harry's face fell and he bit his lip. “But you was _sleeping_. For a long time.”

Severus reached over and ruffled the boy's hair. “But I'm still okay, see? And I'll be back on my feet in a few days.”

“You promise?” Harry murmured, lip thrust out.

“I promise, Harry.”

The boy gave him a hard stare, searching his face for any hint of a lie. Then he nodded a little and settled.

“...Can we go outside then?”

“Of course. But you'll have to wear your coat.”

Harry made a face. “You _always_ make me wear coats.”

“That's right. Because I'm-” Severus stopped. Koenig gave him a glance and Severus finished, “because you might get a cold.”

He'd almost said “because I'm your father”. It was the first time in... The first time he'd been so close to saying it. But he wasn't Harry's father. He could see James Potter too much in Harry's face to claim that. Sighing softly, Severus pushed that away and concentrated on enjoying himself with his s- with Harry.


	22. And The Battle Rages

Severus healed. The bedroom was hell to clean up, but he managed it and moved his things back into it. Harry helped, once it was safe from broken things and bits of ripped wood. He was a bit confused on why the bedroom had been cleared in the first place, but he minded well enough when Severus told him it wasn't important. Harry's curious streak would have to be unsated.

Cissienia Jugson woke up after a week long coma as her body healed from her brother's vicious attack. Severus went to see her and was rather amused at the way Novak hovered over her, all grumpy and scowling. Was it Severus' imagination or was there a flush to those freckled cheeks? Still, Novak was generally his usual self, grouch included. He wasn't all that happy when Jugson requested she and Severus speak alone, but he did give them a bit of peace. Severus stood at her bedside after she'd gestured to a chair, ignoring it.

“Why did your brother come after Harry?” Severus asked without preamble. Jugson sighed a little.

“That... It is my fault, I think,” she said softly. “My brother... We've been writing letters, since I left England. We were...close, as children.”

“I doubt either could agree to that _now_.”

Jugson winced faintly, resting a hand over her chest, above bandages still healing damaged tissue. “No. No, I don't suppose we can.”

Severus folded his arms over his chest. “That man called him Harry Potter. Why would he believe that?”

“Because he is.” Jugson lifted her head, frowning as she met his eyes. “I've seen the scar, Snape. You can't hide that truth from me.”

“When?”

“Last year. When he fell. I.. Whatever magic he managed, it broke the seal you had on his forehead. I saw the scar fully.”

“That couldn't have been all,” Severus murmured. “The scar is coincidental.”

“No it isn't.” Jugson pursed her lips. “His birthday is the same as the Boy-Who-Lived. He's the right age. And I met James Potter. I can see him in that boy.”

Severus' eyes narrowed at the mention of _that man_. The one who had stolen Lily from him. The one who'd sired the son Severus should have so that Harry would _truly_ be his.

“Why did you reveal it?”

“I didn't mean to.” Jugson swallowed, looking down as she curled her hands in the sheets. “I just mentioned that the little boy I watched had an odd scar. Poitr didn't ask anything about it. He just... He just showed up.”

“Did you mention Harry's name?” Severus pressed, glaring at her.

“Once or twice, before. I... I'm very _fond_ of Harry... And Poitr liked hearing about what I was doing...”

“Yes, he seemed _quite_ the caring younger brother, to me.”

For a moment, he thought Jugson might yell at him, but she didn't. She was quiet for a long while, hands tight in the sheets and eyes on her lap, hidden by her loose, black curls.

“Snape. I'll do everything in my power to protect that child,” she murmured finally, low and quiet. “I owe him my life now. I'll even vow.”

Severus scowled and glanced away. “That won't be necessary.”

“Yes it will. I owe him, Snape. I... I almost got that poor boy _killed_...”

“He's fine.”

“This time. But...but... That boy saved us from You-Know-Who. I... I kept him in my _prayers_ since the announcement came out, years ago, to thank him for _freeing_ my brother...” She trailed off and closed her eyes, hands sliding to curl around herself. “Not that... he let himself be freed...”

They both fell silent at that. Severus watched her as Jugson curled in on herself, looking rather more pathetic than usual. Closing his eyes, he sighed and lifted a hand to rub his temples.

“Jugson. I don't require a vow or any nonsense from you,” he began before looking at her. “Neither does Harry. I will ask that from now on you keep what you have learned with the strictest confidence-”

“Of course!”

“-And that you continue to care for Harry as you have.”

She stared at him, her eyes wide and surprised. “...You... You honestly trust me with his care after this...?”

“I believe you are capable.” Severus lifted a brow. “Are you doubting my judgment as his caretaker?”

“No, I...I just...”

“Then either accept that as your debt or refuse it.”

Jugson swallowed, continuing to stare for a few moments, then she slowly nodded. “I accept it. Thank you for trusting me, Snape.”

“Make no mistake. I trust only three people in this world and none of them are you,” Severus returned quietly. “The surveillance spells will be returning to my rooms. However, I do believe they are an unnecessary precaution.”

She nodded, accepting that. Severus was glad she understood enough not to be angered by his words. He left her at that and dimly heard Novak speak to her before the door closed behind him. Then Severus returned to his rooms to spend the rest of Saturday with Harry.

Karkaroff was much easier to deal with after that. Severus did not keep secret his knowledge of Karkaroff's orientation and found with dark glee that the man had no idea of his own. The fact that Severus had a son seemed to seal things for the man. Karkaroff did what he could to keep Severus happy and that suited him _very_ well. He didn't feel guilty using his knowledge to gain what he wanted. After all, he was owed it by Karkaroff anyway.

Severus tried to write Remus about the whole debacle. He began the letter over and over, but could find no way to convey things properly. He stared at his salutation and the blank space below it, giving up after a while with the vow that he would come back to it later. Later, however, was postponed through all over November and part of December. And then permanently when Lucius Malfoy appeared for a visit.

To say Severus was surprised would be an understatement. He'd had no contact at all with Lucius in over three years, except for a letter or two from Narcissa to tell him how Draco was. Severus stood still in his doorway while Lucius stared back, brows lifted and eyes half lidded with obvious uncaring.

“Are you going to let me in?” he asked with a bored tone. Severus frowned but he stepped out of the way to admit the man.

Much like his father, Lucius was aging like fine wine. He didn't look over thirty and certainly didn't look old enough to have a six year old son. For some reason, he seemed to be growing out his hair as well. It fell past his shoulders, swept back rather elegantly. Severus took this in before his eyes came to the cane held delicately in one slim hand.

“...Were you injured, Lucius?” he asked with a lifted brow as his eyes trailed over the metal snake head adorning the handle.

“So concerned with my well being?” the blond murmured with a cool smile. Severus looked at him rather seriously.

“What do you want from me?”

For a moment, Lucius just watched him with a strange intensity. Severus was suddenly glad Harry had gone out with Jugson for a walk around the forest.

“I want a great many things,” Lucius replied finally as he took a step closer. Severus steeled himself not to move, even when Lucius touched his face in a mockery of tenderness. “But only a few will be granted, I think.”

Severus' lips pursed. “Out with it, Lucius. I have little time for trivialities.”

“You're always so very serious.” Lucius sighed as he stroked Severus' cheek. “Karkaroff tells me you've done well here, though there _have_ been a few... mishaps.”

“Nothing I couldn't handle.”

“Of course not. You're so very competent. Always dealing with your traumas so very deftly.”

Severus managed not to wince. Lucius didn't notice.

“However... “ Lucius hesitated and slid a little closer. “However, I am not like you, Severus. I cannot set aside feelings and wants and lock them away.”

“What are you saying?” Severus demanded, though his voice seemed weak in his own ears as Lucius continued to stare at him with such focus.

“Leave that low-blooded fool. I'll not have you with someone who cannot protect you or your ward.”

Severus' eyes widened despite himself. “Lucius, you can't be serious-”

He was cut off as a hand grabbed into his hair tightly and lips crushed against his own. Severus struggled, shoving at the other man, but Lucius didn't heed him at all. He turned them, slamming Severus back up against his own door as he continued to ravage his mouth. Severus fumbled for his wand and Lucius knocked it from his hand, twining their fingers as he pinned it up to the door as well. Finally, Severus managed to turn his head and break the contact.

“ _Lucius!_ ”

“I'm not giving you a choice, Severus,” the blond hissed softly against his bared throat. Severus shivered at the hot air against his skin. “Leave that damned fool. I'm taking you for myself like I should have done _years_ ago.”

“No! No, I won't-”

“If you don't, I'll kill him myself and mark my words, it will be slow and painful. I know his name now, Severus. I know where to find him.”

Severus sucked in a hard breath, eyes wide. Lucius would do it, too. A Malfoy _never_ let anything stand in the way of what they wanted. There was no way he could protect Remus as well as Harry. A shiver ran down Severus' back.

“Don't... Don't do this, Lucius. I... for once, I'm...” Happy. _Content_. Oh Merlin, not _now_...

But Lucius wouldn't budge and as he began to describe exactly what he'd do to his lover if he didn't comply, Severus closed his eyes and slowly nodded. Lucius smiled and Severus felt himself die a little inside.


	23. Until Peace Prevails

Harry noticed Severus' sullen mood. He did little things to try and make Severus happy, such as staying out of the far too interesting office and keeping his toys picked up from the living room, but to little avail. Severus didn't share his troubles, leaving the boy rather bewildered over the whats and whys and how he could fix it. He did his best.

The winter hol came upon them. Harry started to pack up a bag to take to Remus' house, but Severus stopped him from the doorway.

“We're not going to Remus this year,” he said quietly. Harry stared at him.

“Why not? Is he sick?”

“No.” Severus furrowed his brows tightly. “No, we... He and I... We won't be going to see him anymore. Ever.”

Harry's eyes went wide and shocked. “But... But Remus is my _friend!_ ”

“I know. But we won't be seeing him again.”

“No!” Harry snarled out as anger ripped through him. “I want to see Remus!”

“Harry-” Severus began.

“ _I want to see Remus!_ ”

“Do _not_ raise your voice to me, young man,” Severus snapped back as his jaw tightened. “We are not seeing Remus and that is _final_.”

“But _why?!_ ” Harry demanded, face reddening with anger. “Don't _you_ like Remus anymore?!”

Severus went quiet. He stared at Harry as a stony look fell over his face and he bore through the pain clenched in his chest.

“That doesn't matter.”

“Well I think it _does_. And I want to see him!”

“No.” Severus folded his arms over his chest. “We're not seeing him, Harry. Never again.”

Harry's hands fisted at his sides as he glared at him, eyes wet with frustrated tears. “I _hate_ you!”

Severus felt like he'd been hit. He stared as Harry stormed up to his door and threw it shut, blocking Severus from the room and nearly catching him in the face. Severus swallowed thickly and didn't have the heart to yell at the child, even as he heard Harry throw something heavy inside.

Instead, he went to his chair and held his head in his hands. Merlin. Why was it that when he finally got stable, when life finally became fully bearable, someone came to rile things up again? He hated Lucius Malfoy. He hated him with _every fiber of his being_.

As a show of mild insolence, he refused to visit the manor for the hols as the pureblood requested. Malfoy had been relatively forgiving about it, but required he come for the summer instead. Severus had ripped the missive into pieces and burned them.

He sent a message that night to Remus saying he and Harry were delayed and would arrive later than thought. If he was going to end this relationship, he would do it in person and when he had his full strength.

It took over a week for Harry to decide to talk to him again. In the meantime, Jugson kept giving him the most worried looks and tried a few times to pry into things she ought not pry into, which he made _very_ clear. She still continued to watch him with growing concern that he ignored completely.

Severus used that week to harden his heart. He reached back into years old training and constructed the old shields to hide himself behind. It felt wrong, doing this after so long, but it was necessary. He couldn't take the chance that Remus would see though him. Would refuse to accept his falsehood.

He hated himself and his own powerlessness so very, very much.

Severus left Harry in Jugson's care when he left in the middle of the hols. He said good bye to Harry but the child still wasn't speaking to him so there was no reply. Sighing softly, he left the grounds and then apparated to Hamburg into an alley near Remus' flat. Then he walked quietly to it and rang the bell.

There was a faint yell from inside and then an amount of shuffling before the door opened. Remus blinked when he saw Severus and then smiled broadly but it dropped from his face when Severus didn't return it. He glanced past the man and saw no child, face falling further.

“Severus?” he asked quietly.

“Hello, Lupin.”

Remus went very still. He looked over Severus' face, eyes moving jerkily, and his face paled. “...Severus, what's wrong?”

“Isn't it customary to invite a guest in and then converse?” Severus murmured without a bit of nicety. Remus stared at him a few moments more before he drew back and let Severus in. Then he shut the door again, hand tight on the knob.

“What's _wrong,_ Severus?”

“Quite a few things. One of which I'll dispense of right here and now. Do _not_ call me so familiarly.”

Remus turned and stared at him. “What? Severus, I think I have the _right_ to use your bloody first name!”

“Not anymore.” Severus folded his arms over his chest and gave Remus a bored, unenthused look. “We're done, Lupin. Our liaison is over.”

“What? Severus, you can't be _serious!_ ”

It was almost funny to hear those words when he'd said them to Lucius not two weeks before. Severus nearly crumbled at the horror on Remus' face. His hands tightened on his forearms until it hurt.

“I'm quite serious, Lupin. I'm weary of your company. It's over. I'm leaving your bed and your pack.”

“No. No, this is- Severus, who put you up to this? Why would you- why now- _No!_ ”

Severus lifted a brow. “I fail to see how it is your decision whether I keep you or not, Lupin-”

Abruptly, Severus was up against the wall with Remus pressed up against him hard. Remus' hands gripped his shoulders tightly, pressing him harder into the plaster. Idly, Severus wondered why this seemed to be the favored way of anyone trying to change his mind

“ _Call me by name_ ,” Remus hissed out. Severus didn't let himself feel fear or regret. He didn't let himself cave at the harried look in Remus' eyes or the faint tremble he felt in Remus' hands.

“I will call you want I like,” Severus replied in the same cool, calm tone he'd been using the whole time. Remus' jaw clenched and he pressed Severus harder.

“My _name_ , Severus. _Call my name._ It's not that hard. My _name_.”

“Lupin.”

“Damn it, Severus! Don't do this to me!” Remus' voice was suddenly ragged with pain. “Don't you dare do this to me now! Not after everything I've done, everything we've worked for. Severus, _I love you!_ I love you so much, Severus, _don't do this_...”

Severus almost shook. He almost broke. And then he remembered what Malfoy planned to do to this man who loved him so much. This innocent man who would have taken it, with a smile, and never regretted anything except dying. He could see the blood and hear the screams and feel the mangled body in his arms. It made him sick and it made him strong.

“There's someone else, Lupin.”

Remus shuddered hard. His eyes were wide, unbelieving. He began to shake his head slowly as his fingers clenched painfully on Severus' shoulders.

“At the school. We've grown close. Harry is fond of her as well.” He'd have to apologize to Jugson later for sullying her honor abstractly. “It's... more natural this way. More natural than two men, in any case. Especially with a child.”

“Severus,” Remus whispered so softly it could barely be heard. Severus heard his will crumbling away. He knew what to do to break it completely.

“I love her.”

Severus saw the shift in Remus' eyes. He saw resolve crumble and then watched that heart lock him out completely, those eyes stop seeing him. Remus let go of him and stepped back. Severus didn't move. He couldn't, not while those empty eyes continued to bore into him.

“You love her,” Remus repeated in a quiet, hoarse tone. “And Harry likes her.”

“She's already a good mother to him.” Another nail, painful and false, but Remus wasn't really listening anymore. Severus could see it in the way Remus' gaze slid from him and fixed at some far away point down the hall. “And will be a good wife. We're happy together, the three of us.”

Remus stood in utter silence. Tiny trembles shook his hands as he gripped them tightly at his sides. His face was white but utterly blank.

“Congratulations,” he said finally and then turned away.

Severus left without another word because his throat was too tight to manage. He left Hamburg and apparated, but instead of appearing again on Durmstrang's shore, he found himself in Hogsmeade. The jump tired him considerably but he didn't care. He walked up the trail to the school through days old snow and muddy slush and wasn't surprised when the wards around the school admitted him without a hiccup. The castle was warm when he entered it, but he didn't feel it. He walked the familiar halls, found himself at the statue in front of the headmaster's office, and then stared at it blankly without any idea what the password might be.

McGonagall was quite surprised when she found him there. She took his elbow but he didn't answer when she spoke to him. After a moment, she gave the password and led him into Dumbledore's office. The old man took one look at him and then had tea brought to the office. They sat in silence for a long while, Severus in front of the desk and Dumbledore behind. The tea grew cold in Severus' hands. He didn't drink a drop of it.

“I've done something irreversible and it wasn't even for _me_ ,” he said finally in a daze, when it felt as if years had gone by. Dumbledore looked at him with sympathy.

“All things but death are reversible, Severus. It is simply whether or not we have the _strength_ to face our mistakes and rectify them.”

Severus was quiet for another while. When he lifted his head finally and looked at Dumbledore, he felt a numb sort of acceptance. “I'm so weak, Albus. So very _weak_.”

“I don't believe you,” was the quiet answer Severus had expected. But that made it no less false.


	24. At The End Of Pages

Severus wasn't quite sure when Harry forgave him. It happened gradually as the year progressed. Harry hadn't accepted his decision, not by a long shot, but he stopped asking and he stopped pestering. Severus saw him one night staring at the pictures beside his bed and tracing Remus' face in them, and he hated himself even more.

Mid February, Jugson came up to him and slapped him across the face. Severus jerked and stared at her with complete incomprehension. What on earth had made her angry enough to strike him.

“If I didn't respect you so much, I would curse you for _weeks_ , Snape,” she snapped out, lips curling.

“What are you going on about?”

“A man accosted me on the beach,” she returned with a scowl. “He wanted to know who the woman was _you_ were involved with. I informed him that I'm the only female staff member-”

“Tell me you didn't reveal-” Severus started with dread but she lifted a hand, silencing him.

“Oh, I didn't reveal you but do not ever put me in that kind of position again. Do you understand?” Her lips twisted. “I cannot _believe_ you used me as an excuse to dump your _boyfriend_. If word of anything between us, even _rumor_ , makes it through this school, I will get you for it. I _swear_.”

Severus had never really been afraid of Cissienia Jugson. He wasn't quite now, but lingering self-preservation made him agree with her. With a swift nod, the mad woman stormed off and left him sighing in her wake.

The rest of the year was quite a bit less eventful. When summer came, they packed their things and returned to Spinner's end, only to leave the next day for Malfoy Manor. There, Malfoy met them and lead them to the guest rooms they'd be using. Harry held Severus' hand and kept near him as he looked with wonder and faint trepidation at the rich furnishings he was so very unused to. Once they settled in, Harry and Draco Malfoy were reintroduced. Neither boy remembered the other and they were both wary, but promised to be polite. That was all Severus could really ask for. He left Harry in the playroom with Draco and the nanny, then went on to meet Malfoy for a late lunch.

There was a certain smugness on Malfoy' face that Severus hated completely. He sat down at the small, round table on one of the covered porches around the property, hands folded on his lap as he looked back at the blond man with nothing on his face.

“Oh, Severus,” Malfoy murmured, resting his head on one elegant hand. “No need to look so _grim_.”

“You've no right to impose what I can and cannot feel,” Severus replied coolly, “nor what I chose to project.”

Malfoy watched him through thick lashes without amusement. “No. I suppose I don't. You've done it then?”

“I've done it.” He almost spat the words.

“Lovely.” Malfoy leaned back in his chair, hands clasped and resting on the table. “As it should be.”

Severus felt his control splinter for an instant. “I would kill you at this very moment if I could.”

“Yes, I expect you would.” Malfoy didn't look surprised. “I'm willing to be the object of your hatred as long as you belong to _me_ and not some idiotic Gryffindor halfblood.”

He hated that he could almost feel the collar of control around his neck with the leash tightly pulled by Malfoy' hand. He wanted to bite it, to rip free. He wanted to run. But it wasn't just his life to lose anymore. There was Harry now and there was Remus. He hadn't felt so helplessly out of control since first taking the Mark. Malfoy had something far more dangerous in his grasp. Too many secrets. Too many leashes to tether him down with.

There was an aching loss within him that didn't even feel human anymore. During the full moons, human mind or not, he howled for what he'd lost, searching for a long lost voice. A long lost scent. _Warmth._ It didn't hurt any less months after but he adapted. He managed it. He locked it away deep inside himself and tried with all his might to forget.

Malfoy cornered him whenever he pleased. Severus never made it easy nor did he ever fully concede to him. The wolf and his own pride didn't allow it. Malfoy would never be more than a gleeful tormentor ever again. Severus didn't let it affect him. He ignored the feelings of dread and being unclean. It wasn't the worst he'd suffered and he gave Malfoy even less mind than he'd given Avery years ago. Eventually, Malfoy would tire of him. Severus just had to hold out until the man's interests turned elsewhere once more.

Severus and Harry returned to the school in late August. Life resumed as much normalcy as it could and Severus embraced the steady, boring schedule like a drowning man took air. There was no healing, but it let him survive.

Harry grew quickly. They realized that year that he'd inherited James Potter's eyesight and he got his first pair of spectacles. He didn't much care for them, but grew used to it after a while. Severus also began, with Jugson, to teach him minor magical control exercises. His bouts of underage magic were few and far between, but tended to be spectacular enough that they needed better handling. Harry didn't much care for the meditation exercises nor the drills, but he bore through them with grim determination as well as his language lessons. Jugson had started minor German lessons with the boy in years past, working with Severus as well, but she upped their pace now to make sure Harry could converse well.

Severus also began on his magical education. When Harry eventually attended school, and he would, he wanted the boy to be ahead and to do well. Everything was theory work for now, but it would do. Harry took to some subjects with interest, such as reading about dark creatures and spectacular ways to defend himself against them, but had to be all but dragged through others, like runes and potions, unfortunately. Jugson wasn't all that surprised, with as young as Harry still was, and bade Severus to be patient with the boy.

Unfortunately, by spring, Harry had discovered Quidditch, flying, and all the rot. Severus had lost him to all the idiocy of sport, but somehow, he couldn't quite be angry about it. Instead, he sighed and for Harry's eighth birthday, got him a training broom. He could barely get the child off of it, but the broom _did_ give Severus ample leverage to get Harry to do his work.

Severus stared at his calender often. He kept birthdays and other notes to himself there, reminders of full moons and the such. There was the faintest blue dot four days before Christmas, the day he'd ended things with Remus. He observed the day each year with solemn reverence. The day any dream of being happily loved died. But it was getting better. No less painful, simply easier to think about. Harry helped. Severus would do anything for the boy.

When Harry was nine, he approached Severus with a faintly disturbed look on his face as Severus was working on essay grading. “...Severus?”

“Yes?” Severus glanced up, lifting a brow at the unease in Harry's expression. “What's wrong?”

“Um. Nothing, I think.” Harry looked down, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he itched one arm. Definitely hiding something. “I...well... I was wondering... But it's dumb.”

“That remains to be seen. Please tell me what is on your mind.”

Harry bit his lip. He glanced at Severus, then jerked his gaze down again as he continued to shift uncomfortably. For a while, Severus wondered if he'd _ever_ answer. Harry could be very shy when he was unsure, boisterous as he was the rest of the time.

“Am I rude?”

Severus blinked at the blurted question. “Sometimes. Why do you ask?”

“Well... Because...” Harry chewed his lip harder, looking anywhere _but_ Severus. “Well, 'cause I was talking to Herr Koenig and Cibor and Cibor said... He said I was being _rude_ when I...”

“...When you _what_ , Harry?” Severus prompted, thinking back. Cibor... Ah, one of the second years. Koenig's grand nephew if he remembered correctly.

“When... When I call you by name.” Harry lifted his gaze to Severus finally. “Because I don't call you Father.”

Severus stared at him a moment. He'd never thought of it as rude. Just... proper. “It's not rude, Harry. You've always called me that.”

“Yeah, but...” Harry fidgeted. “But Cibor said... He said it was like I wasn't even _your_ son, calling you by your first name like that. And I _am_ your son. Right?”

When Severus didn't answer immediately, Harry's eyes slowly widened and grew wet. This had apparently been bothering him very deeply.

“ _Right?_ ” he demanded with an edge of panic.

“Yes,” Severus said as he rose from his desk and drew Harry into his arms. “Yes. You're my son. Always, Harry.”

The boy relaxed a little as he slid his arms around Severus' narrow waist and buried his face against his belly. Severus sighed softly and pet his soft hair. Harry was really in need of a trim, but he'd been avoiding cutting his hair short for the last years. It fluffed to his shoulders with a hint of curl, just as messy as it had been when he was younger and it shorter. And he still had an unmanageable cowlick in the back that seemed to fit with his long, messy bangs. In a way, Severus was happy Harry hadn't cut it. He liked the feel of the soft strands through his fingers when he soothed Harry like this or tucked him in at night.

“Can I call you Father?” Harry asked softly against his belly. Severus blinked a little and felt his chest clench. He thought about James Potter and Lily, wondering if they would fault him for giving the child what he wanted. For usurping Harry for his own. He wondered if they might forgive him for wanting it.

“If you'd like to, you may,” he murmured. He felt Harry's face crinkle into a smile.

“Okay.” There was a pause and the tips of Harry's ears went red. “I will. Can I in front of Herr Koenig and Herr Novak? And Cissie?”

“Wherever you like.” He wondered what they would think about it so suddenly. No doubt, Koenig would remember whatever conversation had started the thought in Harry's head.

“And...and when it's just us...” Harry hesitated, biting his lip. “Can I still call you Severus?”

Severus drew back and knelt down to look at Harry properly in the face. “Harry. Whatever you'd like to call me, around whomever and wherever, that is your choice. I'm happy you think so much of me to _want_ to call me these things.”

Harry flushed with pride and happiness. Severus felt warmth when he saw the glimmer in Lily's son's eyes. _His_ son's eyes.

That spring, Novak and Jugson announced they would be marrying at the end of June. Severus felt a little blindsided until he really thought about it. Then he simply congratulated them. He attended the wedding with Harry. Although he was in his customary black, he set a rose in his lapel the same baby blue as Jugson's decorations.

The service was small. Neither Novak nor Jugson had much in the way of family anymore. Severus sat on Jugson's side of the church and watched as Harry acted as ring bearer, looking quite pleased to have such a responsibility.. Koenig's youngest granddaughter was the flower girl and kept sniffing her basked and snuffling with it as the service went on. Popovic sat at Severus' side and joked (badly) about this or that. Half way through, there was a horrible sob and all eyes went to Steiner, who blew his nose in a rather ruffly handkerchief his embarrassed wife handed over. Near by, Karkaroff gave the most uncomfortable look but the wedding went on without any further mishaps.

The reception was rather nice, an informal dinner and dance. There wasn't much dancing, really, but Jugson did drag her new husband onto the floor to sway to an old melody with a happy sigh. Severus watched them and saw the faint flush to Novak's freckled cheeks. He almost smiled.

Harry grew sleepy with a belly full of punch, chicken, and cake. He and the other children – Koenig and Kozlowski's grandchildren and Steiner's youngest, almost teenaged son – had caroused around thoroughly and Harry wasn't the only one winding down. Severus took Harry's hand, as the boy was too old to carry anymore, and led him up to bid last wishes to the happy couple.

“I'm glad you came, Snape,” Jugson murmured with a brighter smile than he'd ever seen on her. “And you, Harry. You did such a good job.”

Harry beamed tiredly and laughed a little when she ruffled his hair. Severus took Novak's hand.

“Good luck. May you enjoy your lives together,” he murmured in rough German. He still wasn't all that great with the language, even after years of teaching in it.

Novak nodded with a tight smile that seemed to suit him. Severus had once thought the medic was like his father, grim and strict. However, he'd grown to enjoy the man's dark sense of humor and realized that most of Novak's guff was a bluff. Most Durmstrang teachers had ways of hiding their true selves.

Severus took Harry's hand again and apparated them both back to Spinner's end. They both readied themselves for sleep on their own and then Severus went on to Harry's bedroom to tuck him in. Harry was already in bed and though he was tired, the boy looked thoughtful.

“What on earth is rattling in that skull of yours?” Severus murmured as he drew the sheets up over him. Harry thought about it before answering.

“Was meine Mutter as pretty as Cissie when you married her?”

Severus paused. It was the first time in a very long while that Harry had asked anything of his mother. The boy looked at him with rapt attention. Severus sat down on the bed beside him.

“... Your mother and I were never married, Harry,” he said quietly, “but she was very beautiful and I loved her very much.”

Harry looked as if he might question that, but he didn't. Instead, he reached over and took Severus' hand.

“She must have been. Beautiful. I wish I'd known her.”

“I wish that as well.” Severus curled his fingers around Harry's smaller hand. “She... She loved you more than anything, Harry.”

Harry smiled. “As much as you?”

“Hm, very likely. Maybe even more.” Severus gave Harry's hand a squeeze before drawing away and standing. “Tomorrow, perhaps I can find some pictures of her for you.”

Harry brightened. “I'd like that.”

“Very well.” Severus leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Good night, Harry.”

“Good night, Father.”

Severus closed the bedroom door behind him. He closed his eyes and drew a breath. Pictures. He'd find the pictures he'd kept over these long years. Harry deserved to have some part of his mother.

As he searched for them quietly, Severus remembered the warmth that flew through him every time Harry called him 'Father'. He hoped Lily and James Potter would forgive him because he didn't think he'd be able to let that go anytime soon. Perhaps never.

Severus found a photograph that wasn't Lily's. He stared at it, hands shaking faintly. When had this been taken...? He didn't remember it, nor did he remember ever seeing it before. Trembling, he traced a fingertip along the shape of his own face, almost two decades past. He must have been fifteen, maybe sixteen at the time. There was a scowl on his face and his lips muttered in what seemed like a curse or just grumbling. On the other side of the library table sat a young Remus Lupin with that fluffy, too-long and messy hair, rucked back in the 'wind-swept' style boys favored in that day. Remus was smiling like a loon, sitting backwards in a chair.

He almost destroyed it but something inside him wouldn't let it happen. Instead, he smoothed out a few wrinkles almost lovingly and stared for a very long time. When he finally looked away, he slipped the photograph into his chest pocket and continued on the search for pictures of Lily.

The photograph ended up on his dresser where it stayed thereafter.


End file.
